[Nilanjanalaha]

This is about my friend.

Her boyfriend is caring, responsible, faithful. But he is a typical guy type... he is absorbed in games, and if not, Facebook.He never comes to my friend's hostel, she has to go visit him. He does not spend a lot of time but the time he spends is quality time. But as the relationship is turning old, there is just no change in his behaviors.

My friend goes to him and he is on Facebook, or he is chatting with other friends. My friend even complains, he can not have any personal talk because they are surrounded with other friends in his guy's room. And if not, he does not pay attention to what she says if he is playing a game or chatting. So sometimes she goes to meet him, just sits and watch him do other things and says goodbye. They go out but they are not romantic dates, as this guy is not romantic at all and 'shy'.

He does not seem to miss her when she is away for weeks and replies 'o' when my friend texts "i miss you". He once said' I am not emotional and I can spend months without missing loved ones'.

According to my friend, if she gets angry for some reason, this guy hardly tries to calm her down and gets angry himself. So my friend has to control herself and tell sorry. They do spend some intimate time but after that, for a long time he becomes busy with other things and there is a long gap before the second one. In these gaps, generally,that boy doesn't send her much, sms's, and sometimes do not care to reply. And unfortunately, all these are getting more vivid of late.

Moreover, he said his family would never accept my friend and he might have to leave. That made my friend insecure, because he said nothing like 'I will fight' himself, until asked . He has inhibitions about getting intimate too, they are together for 8 months, had pretty chances but never had full sex. Of late,they finally started getting intimate to some extent but twice he said he should not be doing these after it was over. It made my friend feel really bad though the guy initiated those.

My friend complains that, after their commitment, that boy made friends with some of her common female friends though he has always been a guy shy of women and he spends some time with them on Facebook. He happens to enjoy link-ups with these girls too. But it is not something like a threat but as my friend does not like those girls and her boyfriend does not give her time, it hurts her. Her ex also did not give her time but unlike this one, he was a flirt and cheated her.

My friend keeps asking me but I don't know what to say? Is it the nature of the guy?Should she accept his ways or is there something going wrong somewhere?

[talaniman]

Just listen, and tell her if she isn't happy, why is she going through this with him. He is who he is, and may never change.

How old is he and her? Tell her she can do better if that's what she wants. Above all let her know she can't change people to meet her needs, and if talking doesn't make the right changes, what's the point?

[vanheart]

I agree.

If she is unhappy, then she will have to work with her partner to change things.
To communicate with him. Let him know how she feels.
Or, at the end of the day, decide if this guy is what she really wants.

Be less involved in hearsay & gossip, Just be there as a friend to listen.

After all, this is her relationship. Your relationship with her is something else.