[mysorrow]

My son is getting married, he lives in Orlando and his fiancée wants to get married in California, I had to lay out $1,700 for hotel and airfare.What am I expected to give for a wedding gift? I wanted to give cash, but I don't know how much, since in February my husband was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer, and I have MS. It's been a really hard road since then, but my son has always been there for me, and I don't know what to give as a monetary gift. Could you please give me some advice?

[joypulv]

Etiquette says that you have a year to give a gift, but really, etiquette is just good manners and doing what won't hurt or embarrass others, right? What I would do is send them a card with a little note inside, saying that your attendance will be the first gift because of bills, that you will give them a gift a few months from now, that you both need to see what his dad's health is going to be like, and that you would like to see what others have given them and what they need. Ordinarily that is no one's business, but this is your son. (If they don't see this anyway, my goodness!)

I happen to be someone who thinks money is a terrible gift except for teenagers. There is never a memory associated with an object, no thought goes into it, there is nothing personal about it. I don't care how broke the young couple is - they shouldn't be getting married if they are expecting money to get them started. And besides, you may be more broke than they are at the moment. Your presence is what should matter to them.

What would I spend when you can? Perhaps $300. On something nice and long lasting, and something that's from a good idea of what they need and want but isn't just practical, like a dishwasher. More like a small handmade rug, or a set of good stainless, or dishes.

[mysorrow]

Thank you so much your advice was worth more than you can imagine and so properly said, thank you again

[joypulv]

You're welcome!