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blueyedvixen302442 · Feb 5, 2007, 03:40 PM

I live in South Carolina I have sent my soon to be ex husband separation papers he won't sign them because he thinks there fake (meaning not legal or from a lawyer) but I told him as long as there notorized they are legal. Anyway I wanted to know if I can move on with my life and date even though he hasn't signed ne papers saying we are separated? He is the one that ran out on me in the middle of the night.:confused:

petra 17 · Feb 8, 2007, 01:37 AM

My Mums Been Through The Same Problem.
She Is A lot Happier Since She Has Been Going Out With Her Boyfriend.
If It Makes U Happy Then Do It

Mandyrosez · Feb 20, 2007, 06:29 AM

I'm going through a divorce as well and have been dating my boyfriend for the last 4 months and have never been more in love with someone. When I was first separated I wasn't to keen on dating someone until it was over but I had to move on, and I'm glad I did. I was so much happier after I met my boyfriend. The choice is up to you, you have to follow your heart and do what you think is right, but make sure you make the choice that will make you the happiest because your happiness is most important.

valinors_sorrow · Feb 20, 2007, 06:45 AM

This won't be heralded as good news but the period during and directly after a divorce is such that people don't make good decisions. And especially about romantic relationships. Its just a part of how humans are when grieving. If one does not allowed themselves time to grieve, heal, learn, and grow, the very next relationship stands too great a chance of having the same problem as before, or being snarled up by the baggage you brought with you or being just a rebound -- where you have it just to make yourself feel good (that's pretty shallow when you think about it) but one day wake up and realise you selected out of your despair and selected very badly. Now you get to traumatise yourself (and someone else) all over again with another break up. Statistics on second marriages show them as far more likey to fail than first ones. I see people repeatedly fail who do what I call "serial relationshipping" -- one right after another. The time I would arbitrarily set for appropriate grieving is one year from the date of divorce and two or three even, if kids are involved. It is what society once supported as the given time a widow or widower needed to be cared for and sheltered by their family and friends and I believe that was for many reasons which still stand today. If you can't stay out of a relationship for a year, then there is something else besides grief going on with you too. Its called codependency. While there are of course exceptions, only time will tell if any of you who have "immediate" relationships bucked the odds. But I can tell you, the odds are just plain lousey for a happy outcome.

Yagita · Feb 20, 2007, 06:52 AM

Val had to spread it but I agree with you.

Blue, you should spend some time getting reacquainted with yourself.

valinors_sorrow · Feb 20, 2007, 07:37 AM

Thanks for the back up Ruby and Yagita.

Funny thing, here is exactly why anyone coming out of a relationship needs time!

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...ons-64459.html

s_cianci · Feb 25, 2007, 07:31 PM

You can do whatever you want. I know that from an emotional/psychological point of view a lot of people would caution you against dating so soon but legally there's nothing to stop you from dating.

Fr_Chuck · Feb 25, 2007, 09:25 PM

Divorce is not like it used to be, seldom do they even need a reason or a cause.

Why not merely file for divorce ?

Piglet · Mar 5, 2007, 09:22 AM

I have been separated from my husband for a little over a year now and have not filed for divorce due to costs... (Who would have thought it would take sooo much money to get rid? ) :p
My boyfriend and I have now been together for a year and I see no problems with this whatsoever.
We are due to get divorced very shortly... (can't wait!! ) -and I think that if your relationship is over-why not start seeing someone else?? :confused:
You only live once, be happy. :D

lacuran8626 · Mar 7, 2007, 05:46 PM

I agree w/Fr. File for the divorce - most states don't require a period of separation in advance of filing for the divorce any longer. Can't afford it? Contact the legal aid or legal assistance in your state and see if you qualify to get free legal representation.

As for dating, I agree with the advice that it's a bad idea for you to start dating right away. Go out with your friends, do things for yourself, reconnect with your family, and if you have children, they will need a lot more of your time to be assured that they are still going to be taken care of and attended to emotionally. You have to show them, not just say it.

Not only is dating during or immediately after a divorce a bad idea, but really any major life change is risky - selling a home, quitting a job, etc. Let things settle a bit, because right now you might just be so caught up in all your spouse did that was wrong and hurtful. Nobody's ever perfect in any relationship, and if you let some time pass, maybe you can be more objective about what about your behavior, feelings about yourself, patterns, etc. might have brought this unproductive relationship into your life. You can't rush it.