[jnthnry]

I've recently started feeling depressed. This seems to happen to me annually, but it also seems to worsen each time it happens. I'm not sure why it happens, I guess it's a mixture between the onset of school and winter.

I've recently seen one or two girls I'd like to at least introduce myself to, but I just feel empty and seem to think why bother? Occasionally I might be able to have a decent conversation with one of my friends, but typically I just feel aloof and can only just stand there awkwardly.

In general I've been trying to understand how most people can tolerate their own lives. Most accomplish nothing, leave no mark on society, and merely made their existence a bit more tolerable until their own death. I dare say most all discoveries have been or soon will be made. The most I could possibly imagine myself accomplishing is some obscure recollection in a subordinate field of study that could very well have no impact upon anyone.

I don't want my general mood to mess with my life. I just want to feel happy.

[Wondergirl]

I'm glad you've come to this site to ask your question.

First of all, I'm amazed that someone used the word "aloof" and spelled "existence" correctly! You're a very good writer, by the way.

Are you in high school or college? Have you talked with a guidance counselor or your advisor about these feelings?

[oldhat]

The comment above by Wondergirl reminds me that some of the best writers throughout history suffered bouts of melancholy and a search for a deeper meaning to life. I think "jnthnry" could very well be a budding artist! A deep thinker who is quite articulate and creative! I think they might find it very cathartic to lose themselves in some creative endeavor, such as writing a novel. Take that mood and use it to your advantage I say! You may actually surprise yourself with the outcome.. and best wishes--my guess is, you have your whole life ahead of you, and things always have a way of changing.