[Klady]

Moved, AND edited to its own Question/T


I feel like my guy friend is playing games with me sometimes, yet sometimes I do feel that he is genuine. My problem is that I can't seem to stop the contact with him. If I don't hear from him in a while, I feel such a strong urge to send a text or call him. It's like a cat & mouse game. He texts, I reply. I text, he doesn't always reply.

It seems like he's too busy for me sometimes, but when he wants to text or call, he does it well. It seems to be on his time & terms though. Lately we rarely see one another. How do I break this habit?

We have casually dated on & off for over a year now. He lives close by & I want more from him. He told me early on that he wanted to build a relationship with me, but after 5 months he cooled down & now we occasionally talk as friends. We were sexually involved so that makes it all the worse. I do feel a special love for him, but I feel like I am doing most of the work.

My question is this... do I tell him anything or just disappear off his radar? Do I cut it cold, or somehow tell him that I can't keep continuing to have these feelings for him or wait for him to decide when he wants to see me or not.

I don't know if he is seeing others or not. We are both middle aged, and he has his elderly mom living with him. He has been divorced twice & has had relationships over the years. He says I am stronger than he is, & he feels insecure so that's why he cooled things down, yet he wants to remain a friend to me.

I want & need more from him because of my feelings. But I don't want to lose him out of my life, but I can't keep going in this cycle either. I need advice as to what to do now? Tell him, or just disappear off his radar & let him wonder?

I'm afraid if I do that, he may think I don't care anymore or that I am not true to my word. Yet he can go weeks without any contact, or sometimes just not reply to my messages. Please any advice would be helpful. Thank you

[talaniman]

He seems quite happy with the way things are, to be honest, and you don't. Yes I would disappear from his life, break the fear of losing him by seeking better options and opportunities for yourself to be happy.

He may wake up, he may not. If he doesn't you won't care because you will be doing better things than waiting for him to give you the something more that you want for yourself.

[Klady]

Thank you for your reply. It will just seem hard for me to just stop cold turkey without telling him something, but then again, he can go days or weeks sometimes without talking or sending me a text message. We are both in our 50's, & I do feel like it's a game to him. When he's on the road working & he gets bored, he will message me. When he is home, which is 5 minutes away from my house, I never see him. I do know that his elderly mom lives with him cause I've been to his house. It is a very frustrating situation to be in, because I remember all the nice times we had & that he is capable of being a really great guy. I don't know what happened but he knows how much I am hurting yet he doesn't seem to make any effort to try to help work things through with me, after telling me we should work together on things. I will try to stay strong, as hard as it seems, & if he comes back... will it be another merry go round, or will he truly miss me when I'm in disappearing mode? That is the question... will he even care?