[ijwteia]

I'm 20 years old. I've been living with my mother ever since, and I barely leave my room. I spend most of my day on the internet, crying, and sleeping. I lost my job, I don't have a permit, I honestly don't have a single friend, I suffer from social anxiety disorder, and depression. I've wasted so much time doing nothing, and everyone in my neighborhood thinks I'm crazy. The only thing that's helped me in the past with my depression was marijuana (im not kidding), but my mother freaks out as soon as I mention it... My mother is broke, so she cannot afford a psychiatrist or medication for me. I'm just sick of people telling me how much of a failure I am. I've been trying to look for a job for months now, but no matter how hard I try, I just can't seem to make it past the interview due to my social anxiety. I swear, its like these interviews were designed strictly for extroverts... its ridiculous. I can handle an office job without having the best social skills -.- anyway, I just need some light in my life. I think about killing myself very often, and attempted to do so about 2 weeks ago by overdosing on a bunch of over the counter pills. I just woke up sick, and dizzy... and its impaired my ability to read and write properly. I am not allowed to smoke despite that it's the only thing that has actually worked. I've tried medication, but it just turns me into a zombie. I want to live without having to cry on a daily basis. Could anyone help?

[Wondergirl]

I'm sorry to hear about your troubles. You can afford a counselor or some kind of therapist. You can go to an area hospital ER and connect with a social worker who will find help for you and get you signed up for Medicaid. Or you can make some calls to area therapists to find out who works on a sliding scale or will figure out a unique payment system with you.

And that's just the beginning. Are you with me so far?

[hauntinghelper]

John 8:12
When Jesus spoke again to the people, he said, “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.”

I too have been through that dark you are referring to. Don't let what others define as worth be what you look to. You're not the only one struggling with work right now. Hang it there, things do get better. Life was not meant to feel like this. I don't care who rejects you, Jesus Christ will not.

Proverbs 18:24
One who has unreliable friends soon comes to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.

You've turned to smoking pot to help... give Jesus a chance to be that light you need.

[DrBill100]

I just woke up sick, and dizzy...and its impaired my ability to read and write properly. I am not allowed to smoke despite that its the only thing that has actually worked. I've tried medication, but it just turns me into a zombie. I want to live without having to cry on a daily basis. Could anyone help?

Certainly understand how some medications would make you feel numb, like a zombie. That is a common complaint with SSRI antidepressants.

In the US marijuana was widely used as an antidepressant prior to 1930 (US Pharmacopeia 1851-1942). Where available it is still used for that purpose. I assume it isn't available medicinally in the area where you live?

It's easy to see how the ineffectiveness of one medication, and the unavailability of another, would leave you feeling that you have no recourse.

As Wondergirl notes, you need to make every effort to find a counselor that you can afford... they are out there.

You also need to make a point of getting out of your room for several hours each day. Walk, sit outside, and preferably associate with others. Depression is a condition that leads to isolation and isolation and solitude deepen depression. You must break that cycle. Get out in the light everyday.

I would like to hear a little more about the impairment that resulted from the overdose also.