[kinshu123]

Well,before stating my problem, let me tell you exactly how I and my boyfriend (lets call him Dav), started dating, since I feel this is relevant to my problem. Well so I met him over a couple of years ago and we hit it off instantly, as friends. However, to be honest, he never found me physically attractive. But anyway he and I soon became best friends and were so for almost a year before we started dating and used to share everything with each other, like any other pair of friends, we used to try and hook each other up with OTHER people.

Now during that time, Dav had a crush on this girl called Riya. They were good friends but on a superficial level. His main reason for liking her was that he thought she looked really beautiful. She was like the girl of his dreams. I did everything in my power to hook him up with her but unfortunately, she wasn't interested, so it didn't work out. Even he didn't take it seriously and instead of pursuing her, he drastically reduced contact with her.

Fast forward to today. A couple of months after Riya rejected him, Dav and I started dating and its been a happy relationship since almost a year now. But thing is, just as before, Dav still doesn't find me physically attractive, and trust me, this is not my vanity speaking, I am confident about this. He basically fell in love with me more because he enjoyed my company and not really because of my look, and don't get me wrong, he never ever rebukes me about it AT ALL, but neither has he ever complimented me on my looks more than 4-5 times from the time we started dating. Once when I asked him about this directly, he neither accepted nor denied this fact. How ever he keeps complimenting me on my personality almost everyday.

Now Riya knew about our relationship from the time we got committed. Dav told her. She seemed happy about it then. However yesterday evening she texted him while being completely drunk and completely flirted with him. She also said that she made a mistake by rejecting him a year ago and asked him if he still liked her. Dav chose not to reply to this, knowing that she was drunk. However last night when he and I were talking, he told me all about this and promised me that if ever he starts liking her again, he will definitely let me know before breaking up or something. When I asked him if Riya's new attentions on him had made him re ignite that old flame, and he seemed confused about it.

However good my nature maybe, he doesn't find me attractive and she is as beautiful as a goddess according to him. Now what should I do? I don't want to lose him from my life. He's not going to listen to me if I tell him to cease contact with her, although he would never initiate any romance with her on his own. I am sure he loves me, at least my company, at least calling me everyday and talking to me hours on end and wanting to meet me in different exciting places. He also said that as much as he MIGHT start liking her, he in no way wants to lose out on me. I, at least, don't want to lose out on him at all, for I love him madly.

Pleassseeeeeee help
P.S. I have never met or even spoken to Riya. She's his friend only and I don't think even he would appreciate me suddenly talking to her about this.

P.P.S. Thank you so much for all those who've had the patience to read this entire article :)))))))

[BK201]

What should you do? Hmmmp... If he is committed to you, I wonder why would he be confused. He loves your company? Please throw some light here, does he love only your company or does he love you?
Sorry, but what I think is, you don't have to be so kind in these situations, common, you should be angry. If you don't like him contacting her you have all the rights to ask him to stop (which I usuallyl never recommend, but in this case, it's a bug which can spoil your relationship). Depending upon his reactions, you will know what to do.

[talaniman]

I wouldn't do anything except work on your own self confidence since one drunken phone call can throw you off. He reacted much more reasonable than you did. And telling him who to contact is a sign of insecurity, and not becoming a confident partner.

Trust him to handle his business correctly, since you have told him how her drunk call makes you feel.

[Jake2008]

It sounds like he is thinking of you as a good friend, but you have more than friendship on your mind with him.

And when he says that if he decides to check things out with the 'girl of his dreams', he still doesn't want to lose out as he said, on you. Clearly he still regards you as a very good friend and is saying that it will remain that way with you.

You have feelings for him, beyond friendship, and that is where things get a little mixed up. Eventually he will date someone, and you are left with a decision to make.

If you can maintain a modified relationship with him, on a friend level, that's fine. But, if this is going to eat at you, and you're still having strong feelings romantically for him, you may want to think of your options.

While you remain hopeful, and in love with him, clearly he loves you only as a friend. It sounds like a very good friendship, but not likely to turn into anything else. While your life revolves around him, you may be putting your own life on hold, and missing out on opportunities because of it.

If you are not comfortable doing both- having him as only a friend, and feeling free to pursue other relationships, then maybe it is time to make a choice.

In my opinion, staying on this one way street with him, may be setting yourself up for heartache.

[kinshu123]

@jake... hey I think there's a misunderstanding here... he and I are in a relationship and not just friends... :)

[kinshu123]

UPDATE!! :well he got another call from that girl the next day,this time completely sober and she said that what she really meant what she said last night... this made him even more confused!! so I thought that enough is enough and then told him to breakup right away and go for her... he almost begged me not to do so... he said that he was only confused and not sure of his choice and told me to give him a few days time wherein he would "fix things between us"... the day after that,we met somwer accidentally and then decided to have lunch together,wherein we decided how we are going to live our life post d breakup... then suddenly,I don't know what but that night he gave that chic a call and firmly refused her offer ,evn though she was insisting and told her to keeep away from him for a while to gt her mind in place... this was a week ago... hes told me not to discuss this topic with him ever again because it would remind him of how "weak" he once was,when being confused... is this the end of this story? or do you guys think that such problems will continue coming up??
And THAK YOU guys for your replies :) :)

[talaniman]

Doesn't matter if this is the end. What matters is what you do when confronted with obstacles and problems.

How you work through reality together is all that matters.

[kinshu123]

That's true... I think I shouldve had more faith in him...