[landomando]

How many types of cheating are there? I thought cheating was just making out with another girl or having sex.. Just basically anything revolving being with another girl. Now I found out you can emotional cheat on her... Are there more ways to cheat on a girl... I mean, like is looking at porn cheating? Is looking at another girl or talking to another girl cheating? Why is this so confusing.

[vanheart]

Just don't cheat.

Think the opposite.

You sound guilty.

[phillysteakandcheese]

Think of it this way... If you want to do something, but keep it a secret from your girlfriend, you're probably betraying her trust.

Physical cheating is mostly obvious.

Emotional cheating can be less obvious to those involved.

Some people would consider watching porn a form of cheating.

It's about violating trust... And there's lots of ways to do that if you're looking.

Consider a sitaution like this: If your girlfriend watched porn, and then immediately wanted to do it with you, is she really making love with you or is she in a fantasy in her mind with the porn guy and using you?

How about something less sexual: You see your girlfriend smiling and laughing as she's talking to another guy. Maybe she's even touching his arm. Is she cheating on you, or just being social? How would you feel? Where's the line for you?

[QLP]

Two questions:

Can I be totally honest with my partner about what I am doing?
Would I be OK with my partner doing it?

If the answer is no then you probably shouldn't be doing it.

[talaniman]

ERROR: You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to QLP again.

Very well said.

[landomando]

It's the emotional cheating I think that confuse me because guys and girls are so different. I feel I have emotional cheated before like over texts but that's just how I text. Like smiley faces and what not. Would be considered flirting? So is that cheating? Because its emotional? Sorry I honestly just want to understand this a little bette because up until a couple weeks ago I thought there was only 1 kind of cheating. And it involved touching another girl...

[vanheart]

"up until a couple weeks ago I thought there was only 1 kind of cheating. and it involved touching another girl..."

Yeah, that's cheating. And also perpetuating it with your texts.

Sounds like you knew what you were doing, just looking for absolution.

I can't give that.

Look inside instead.

[vanheart]

Let me add something:

Cheating only cheats yourself. In the long run. And short.

If you feel you are cheating, then you probably are. You don't have to ask.

What exactly do you want? And who? Figure that out first. What's important to you.

Then you won't have to worry.

[QLP]

Its the emotional cheating I think that confuse me because guys and girls are so different. I feel I have emotional cheated before like over texts but thats just how I text. Like smiley faces and what not. would be considered flirting?? so is that cheating? because its emotional?

No, I don't think a smiley face would be any kind of cheating, otherwise I would be considered the world's biggest cheat, because everyone gets a smile from me sometimes. I guess it boils down to what is going on for you when you add that smiley - are you being friendly, kind, amusing, reassuring, or are you feeling flirty - hoping for something back which your partner wouldn't like? We are all allowed friends and we are all allowed to feel emotion towards people other than our partners. We are supposed to love and care for our kids, our parents, our friends. In a healthy relationship we acknowledge and share our good feelings for others with our partner.

Three danger areas arise which slip into the emotional cheating territory:

Firstly, sexual inneundo or suggestion. Most partners would dislike knowing you are outright flirting in this way.

Secondly, inappropriate sharing of our time and/or feelings which detracts from the main relationship. If we tell all our problems to a friend but refuse to discuss them with our partner. Not to say we can't run our feelings by a friend, or stranger like on here, to clarify them and get advice first. Sometimes we want to work things out for ourselves, or with specialist help, and of course that's fine too. But if we always turn to a 'special friend who understands us' and block out our partner we are heading for problems. If we drop everything for another without any thought as to how our partner might be affected - giving them the message that their needs aren't important in the equation. For example I have known men run to fix an attractive neighbour's dripping tap having ignored the leaky shower at home for weeks - leaving their other half feeling not surprisingly disgruntled. Or a woman to bake a welcome cake for the new guy that moved in next door while her husband gets to fix his own beans on toast - again. We often get complaints about a partner dropping everything to always answer texts from that 'one person' whilst taking their other half for granted.

Thirdly a relationship that we exclude our other half from. People sometimes have a friend that they refuse to let their partner meet or simply hide communication with. This is bound to have them wondering what they are being excluded from and why and raise suspicions as to if it is appropriate. Why wouldn't we share our friends with our partner?

I'm not sure men and women are so different in these things. Nobody wants to feel they are being treated as second best in favour of another or that their significant other is being less than honest with them.

[vanheart]

Its really all about your conscience. Your actions. No one else's.

[talaniman]

If you can't do it in front of them, then its cheating. If you wouldn't want them to do you the same way, don't do it. If you have to hide it, or lie about it, then don't do it.

[Synnen]

"Cheating" is defined by the people in the relationship.

For some couples, even having sex with another person is not cheating.

For other couples, talking to a member of the opposite sex when your significant other is not there IS cheating.

Each couple defines their own boundaries.

If you cannot agree as a couple on what is cheating and what is not, then you are probably not in the right relationship.

In other words, you have to TALK TO YOUR PARTNER to define what cheating in YOUR relationship is.