[Dnicill]

I will try and keep this short and to the point because right now I feel horrible.

I have been in a long distance relationship since summer of 2009 I had never met my girlfriend in real life until just recently this year well during the summer.

She lives in Europe and I'm here in the states we started dating long distance and I was 17 and she was 16 I am now 19 and she is 18.

I went to meet her for the first time ever and when we met it was pretty awkward but later on after I had rested from the flight I really enjoyed being with her and I knew that we really had something going for us because I didn't know what to expect.
I though that we had really connected even when we used skype and it showed when we were together for 9 days I know that's not a long time to be with someone you just met and the plane ticket was extremely high I should have booked longer but yea...

She has just now started a new college not to far from where she lives but anyway I don't want to drag this out.

So the other day she comes on skype upset because she had just ate dinner and her family had brought me up and asked what I was doing and everything and her bro was like what do we even talk about. I tried to comfort her but she said that at that time she didn't want to talk because she would hurt me. I asked her why would they bring my name up at dinner because I did stay at her parents when I went but none of her family or siblings were very talkative to me and act as if I was never really there unless we were all eating.
Every time I say anything about her family she goes crazy and gets really protective of them even when I'm not even saying much about them I just try and express how I feel about them and she freaks!

Well later that night she messaged me before she got off this is what was written below!

"im really sorry I shouldn't have worked it out on you
It was wrong and I'm so dumb I always seem to forgot that you are the person that keeps me going and somehow I always treat you bad
I'd understand if you'd leave I'm horrible to you"

So I wrote her back and she didn't reply the next day and I sent her another message to see why she hadn't wrote back. She finally replied with this which is written below!

"no I haven't been here all day I had to go downtown to get something and then my friend came over and then I went to school so I didn't came on here to check my messages so yeah but I'm here now and I do want to talk..."

So I actually caught here in a lie today and she got really defensive about it I asked her had she been online today or on Facebook at all today because she always checks her Facebook and she said no she was with her friend the whole day and had school, but I saw that she had liked her sisters post early in the morning there so she lied about not being online earlier today and on top of that she had been on several times during the day, but she didn't know that I knew that and it really broke my heart to know that she lied to me because she had told me before that I'm the only person she would never lie to.

So finally she had a picture of us on her Facebook and a few days ago she changes it to some picture her sister took that she claims is a year old.
She tells me that our picture is still on her Facebook, but I don't see it those days and today I ask her again and she asks me what am I doing trying to investigate her.
So she pulls up the pic on Facebook and says its still there and I ask her to show me since I know you can't hide 1 picture so she finally confesses that it is the pic her sister posted on her wall and I ask why did she lie about it and she says because she didn't want to hurt me and also adds that she didn't like it anymore the pic that is.

So we talk a little over 30 minutes and she finally tells me she wants a break okay this was all done on skype not in person but on skype.
She tells me that she feels obligated to me and that we both could be having a life she says that she comes home to get on to talk to me everyday which is not true since she has recently started a new college and has only seen me an hour each day and that is at 3 in the afternoon which is 9 at night there.So she tells me that she could be out with friends and having a life because she complains that she doesn't go anywhere but come home from school and get on skype to see me, but that's a lie so her friend asked her today did she want to go swimming with her and she said no because she thought she had to come home and talk to me which is not true she could have went.

She says she doesn't do anything but she goes shopping and does things normal girls do and she keeps saying she could be out meeting friends and stuff and I say that's what college is for I thought you were doing that.

I ask her if she is afraid of being committed to this and she says no she's not because she doesn't want any other guys there.

We have always talked about having a future together getting engaged finally being able to be together and having children and all of this was in such great detail from her point of view because she really wanted it, but she is saying that she won't have any break anytime soon and I tell her I can wait but she doesn't say anything.

Oh for the past few days she has been on skype moving her eyes around a lot and barely talking and she always gets online or messes with something when we do talk.

So anyway this is pretty long sorry but yea she told me she wanted a break and that she was sorry because she didn't want to hurt me and that she needed some time to think things over and I asked her how much time and she said she didn't know.

She says she needs time to miss me because right now she doesn't feel anything for me and that nothing will change, but she keeps saying she loves me and that she doesn't want anyone else but that's kind of hard to believe when she is the one leaving me.

I know distance is hard but I always thought if you really loved someone distance or anything else wouldn't matter but I guess I was wrong.

When I was with her our last night she told me to be strong and that we would see each other again and yes she was crying but yea it has been only 3 months now and she's leaving me.

So I want to know what you all think about this and please don't put me down I feel terrible right now she was my first love and my first everything and the same goes for her to we had never had anyone else before this!

Thanks for reading this and please tell me if you think this is over or that she might comeback because she ended it today and I know she won't talk to me the rest of the weekend or anytime soon so I just need some help I feel really hopeless right about now because I really do love her.

Oh one more detail I told her that I had put a lot of time into this relationship and so did she and I spent a lot of money I had saved up to get to her and in the process sold a lot of things I owned just so I could be with her and her response was did I want her to pay me back!

[TrueFaith]

First of all I'm sorry how this has ended

It was a wrong move for you to say well I paid a lot to see you because yeah it does sound like you want the money back and somewhere in your heart you do :) be honest


The nothing you can do is not to think of her reason why she has done what she has done
The fact is it's done

The Only thing you can do is respect her decision
And go no contact and work on this time to heal yourself
Don't wait around for her to make up her mind

Never be 2nd place is someone's life

Good luck

[phillysteakandcheese]

It may be harsh, but I think this “relationship” was a lot more vivid in your mind than it was in hers.

You were a “safe boyfriend” because she could open up and talk to you over the internet without any of the complications of you showing up at her door anytime soon… You were close, dreamed about the future together, but still maintained the reality of being arms length away. Once the chat window cloased, she was off to do her own thing. Then that whole fantasy shattered when you really did show up on her door one day. Suddenly this “relationship” became much more real (as it has been for you), and that’s not what she has been doing for the last couple of years.

You’ve invested so much time, energy, and heart into this… only to see it fall apart once the reality set in. That totally sucks, but you can take it as a life lesson and move on.

[Jake2008]

That the relationship lasted, over a long distance, for over two years, is remarkable in itself. Relationships over an hour drive don't last as long.

You are dealing with a young woman who's family is not supportive of this relationship, as you learned. You are also dealing with a relationship where your girlfriend has changed from a child at age 16, into an adult, at age 18. She cannot stop the maturing process. What was maybe more puppy love in the beginning, without any real personal commitment, turned into an adult relationship, and at age 18, that is a lot to ask of anyone to be able to stick with.

Time and distance apart, with one brief face to face visit did not solidify anything, it maybe more confirmed that which may have happened had you lived in the same town and saw each other regularly. Only much sooner.

And your maturity in relationships, with this being your first one, left you unable to really read the signs that things weren't working out (the little lies, the cold shoulder, the fewer and fewer communications). Under the best of circumstances it is difficult to know someone well enough to see, hear, and feel that things are not going right; with a long distance relationship mostly via computer, you are left reading what little information you have, and trying to figure things out.

I understand that you are hurting, and you are a bit angry, all understandable. Again, her age and lack of relationship experience, has caused her to be as confused as you are, only she seems to want out, and is unable or unwilling or doesn't know how to exactly end it. That comes with just living longer, and experiencing the inevitable relationship breakups. Of which, you will both experience again.

The honourable thing is to end it, and end it with dignity. It is not a nice thing to retaliate against someone for no longer loving you, i.e. demanding the money for the air fare you invested.

Take the good memories you had, and reflect on what you have learned, and honestly assess what you can do for yourself to invest what you now want, and need, in a new relationship. Hopefully, you will concentrate on finding someone locally, and go from there.

[talaniman]

Things were great while it lasted but this on line relationship, like those in real life has ended, and its time to move on.

Leave her alone to explore her life, and you do the same.