[teq8801]

.I hate it when my husband is home, he is so needy, cling to me , he even counts the hours I sleep.
I have been married one year, this guy drives me crazy. I love my alone time. Why would he count the hours I sleep?
I work nights he works days. He doesn't get it, women need to be alone, Women hate needy men, this guy is so dumb when we fight he says he hates my cooking, I am no good in bed . Etc, And my answer to him was then starve, or cook for yourself, and since you just said you hate my cooking, DO YOU REALLY THINK ILL COOK AGAIN? AND IF YOU don't like THE SEX , FIX THAT Yourself. Then after the fight he says well he did not mean all that.Let me say this those words he said to me will never go away. He is so needy, yes that's why I sleep because he drains me. He also has OCD and will not admit it.

All he does is clean, and right after I clean OMG< please help.

[Kahani Punjab]

Teq8801,

After repeated perusal of your case, I've come to the following conclusions -

1. You have sure written this complaint in a fit of rage/anger.
2. Women and men are two different species, and your husband (not even you, I presume) has no cue of it.

Facts -
1. Needy and dependent spouses are hated by their life-partners, esp. if the former is a male (husband).
2. Compelled/forced sex is rape, which is a legal crime.

Tentative ADVICE -
Acceptance, divorce or understanding are the three solutions. Either sit with him, share mutual feelings/emotions for each other, OR say bye-bye to each other for good OR try to comprehend the reasons of your hate and his dependence.

[teq8801]

Oh boy here I go again, this man is crazy, he has OCD, my home is very clean, but right after I clean
Oh here he is cleaning the same darn think I just did. So why bother cleaning, because if I don't clean he will thro a fit, say I am lazy, I don't do a thing to help around the house. Etc.

[Colt_Prattes]

I don't think there is any other solution besides understanding each other. These are not very serious issues. Every man and woman have some strengths and weaknesses. Our life will be so easy if we understand each other's problems.

[joypulv]

The cleanliness is just a symptom. He is calling you lazy (you are not) and you are calling him OCD (that's not enough to be OCD). So sit down in a calm moment and talk to each other about how to live together and get along. Try a little humor. Honey, I love you more than our vacuum cleaner, please tell me what you think we can do to keep our marriage.

What is your day like? Does he work and you stay home? How do you see your role in the marriage? How are finances? Money is usually # 1. I'm guessing wildly about underlying problems.

[joypulv]

Please don't write separate posts on the same subject. I said I didn't think he was OCD in your 'cleaning' post, but here you give more examples. But how do we know if he is OCD or not, and what good does it do if he is? You have relationship problems, and if you can't work them out with commnication, try counseling, and if that doesn't work, get a divorce.

You want us to help, you say, but you and he are the only solution. Telling us what is wrong with him isn't going to solve anything. If he were hitting you or doing something illegal we would advise about police and lawyers, but this is just a married couple who we are probably all wondering why you are even still together.

[teq8801]

Kahani Punjab, I am not in a fit of anger , I just need alone time. And I sleep to get my alone time.
I told him from day one , I am not the kind of person that's needs nor wants a man that , is super glued to my hip. I am very independent, but my husband is not.I did try to tell him how I feel. And asked hime to get some hoppies. And he said he needs a lot of attention. I am his wife not his mommy.

There is no talking to my husband , he loves to fight, I on the other hand will not fight, I just say nothing.

[teq8801]

Oh I thought that's why this site was here. To ask questions?

[joypulv]

Yes, I was sort of harsh, but you were shouting IN CAPS about he said/you said. He calls you lazy, you call him crazy. It isn't helpful. We know nothing about how you happened to get married and be married only one year and have so many radical differences. We know nothing about what it is that is keeping you together - is there anything at all positive about your marriage? If not, why aren't you either getting counseling or a divorce? Those are the questions and answers that matter.

[Kahani Punjab]

You are a whole, perfect and complete woman, but HE is not a man, enough, I presume. Yes, there are the things, which you have mentioned here, which are disturbing, teasing and really - not unexpected. But, you need not bear on and on. Talk to him, try to understand why he does so, and does he intend to 'disturb' you or is he a VICTIM? Does he need something, which you are not giving him, while you need something, which you do not get out of him? There can be plenty of options and plenty of alternatives.

Try to comprehend, and it is better you talk out a solution, and try counselling, and still if it fails, or does not work out - go for the DIVORCE.

That's the only ALTERNATIVE, if nothing works.

[martinizing2]

How long did you date ?

It sounds like you didn't really know each other before you married.

[teq8801]

joypulv, Hi lol, Oh yes money is a big issue with him. I have three jobs , the deal in our marriage is
That I pay the gas bill, water sewer, trash, electric, car insurance , dog food, vet bills, furnish the home and buy all the food.He works all the time because he bought a home he can't afford. If not for me marring him he would have lost this home. He really is OCD, all cans have to be facing so you can see the label. If watching TV, he can't sit still, he will get up and fix anything that is out of place. His daughter told me about his OCD.I feel like I am married to a women. Everything has its place (yes on the floor) So I used to pick up his clothes off the floor. Not any longer. He won't eat left overs, he won't use the same towel after a shower.
He has a schedule, and he can never break it. If he breaks it he goes very strange, like hyper. I really think being around a person that's on edge all the time, would drain a normal persons energy. I have mentioned he is very verble and its not nice at all.I just go to my room and close the door with my two rotties. I save money he spends it. He is 51 and acts like he is 12.

I have my own checking and he has his own.Thank God.
Now he is opening my mail, that's another problem.
Thank you for letting me vent.

[Curlyben]

>Threads Merged<

[JoeCanada76]

Well you are trying to put all the blame on him but guarantee that some of the blame in this relationship comes from you as well. Your both resentful to each other. You both say nasty things to each other. All is fair in love and war, so to speak.
I would normally recommend counseling in a marriage but if your so miserable. Divorce him.

Joe

[joypulv]

You are still venting and not answering any of our questions about what keeps you together, what you do or did like about each other. You haven't addressed communicating, counseling, and divorce.
Those are pretty much the 3 big leaps.
We can listen until the cows come home, and it won't change anything.
Maybe there is more in all this that is OK with you than the stuff you don't like, and you would rather just complain and then go back to all of it?
If you do go to a counselor, you will find that it isn't about each telling your stories. It's learning ways to talk to each other about what you need, what you are missing, what you can compromise on, what you can accept, what you can sacrifice to keep the marriage. Or not.

[teq8801]

Hi everyone and thank you for responding. I will do my best to answer the questions. I have known my husband ,
Since I was I think 12.First boy I ever kissed. If you can call it a kiss at that age. Over the years he would always come to me , and ask me to date him. I was not interested. The reason I wasn't is I saw back then how needy he was. One day he called and we talked, the first thing he said was please quit your job, come live with me and all you have to do, it raise my two kids. He said he would pay for everything. I said no way , first off I would never be happy, taking care of your kids. I love my job and , I don't ever want any kids.
So I went on with my life , I bought my first home in 1996 paid it off in 1998.I did this by working two jobs and by being single.First big mistake was I had got married he was a drunk, he racked up credit cards over 30,000, I divorced this man , now I was in dept.So the year of 2004 I Re-fyed, my home but that was OK, I was doing fine. In 2010 here comes a knock at my door, it was that first boy I ever kissed. We went out , he had a beautiful home , the kids are grown. I was single, then he pooped the big question, first I said no . I said no because of his needy ways. Then we talked about marriage again, I told him my concerns ( I work nights you work days,you seem very needy, what about my two rotties, what about my home) He said let the bank have your home back, because he wanted nothing to do with it.Long story short I married him, let the bank have my home back.BIG MISTEAK! After we were married he changed big time. I asked him about counseling, his answer was no way.
The reason I stay is I am looking for a home to rent that will take my two rotties.And yes I sure did tell him I am not happy.And I think it is best to divorce. I have no family, no one to talk to about this.Oh he goes to his moms and tells her all about our problems.I happen to like his family. I feel my husband knows I am stuck right now, with my two rotties.
If he would go to counseling with me I think there would be a big chance we could work this out.

Thank you

[teq8801]

Kahani Punjab, thank you, yes he says he does this stuff to upset me. please read my other answers.
Thank you so much.

[JoeCanada76]

You like to lay the blame all on your husband about every single thing yet. You are unable to see your part in what you have played in this mess. Until you see that side of things will never be fixed.

[Jake2008]

Joy is right. When married couples have problems, they work them out. If the two of you can't sit and talk and compromise and make positive changes, what do you have.

Fighting/arguing without anything being resolved, only builds more resentment, as you are seeing now.

I think counselling is the only way to go because it sounds like nothing the two of you do to resolve differences, works. There are ways to fight fair so to speak, and learn how to communicate needs and wants, effectively. Nobody is born with a rule book. It's all about learning, and being willing to learn.

Have you considered counselling? Or do you think its' just too late to try.

[teq8801]

JoeCanada76, no I do see what misteaks I have made.