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april_wessels · Sep 24, 2011, 11:37 PM

Ok I want to know what I should do? I am 30 years old, and I been married for 10 years and I did cheat on my husband, and he does know about it, but he had also cheated on me in are past, and I forgave him but he can't seem to look past that I cheated on him and it only seems to get worse I don't know what I should do because I do love him and we have 6 kids together and but he has no more trust for me and he accuses me constantly even of girls he does and I don't do anything to have him keep acusing me anymore, I had changed my number and I let him check my phone all the time I been trying to prove to him that I am not doing anything I just don't know what to do anymore how to prove to him that I was wrong for cheating and it won't happen again but he has no trust for me anymore, I mean I got over him cheating and I trust him can you please tell me what you think I should do? Thank you

joypulv · Sep 24, 2011, 11:51 PM

He may have the notion (as some men do) that he cheated just for sex whereas you cheated for love.
Try telling him that you never got over him cheating on you and it just felt better to see what it felt like, and it was more for evening the score than the sex.
If he can't understand any of the concept that he cheated and cheated first and he has no right to be upset, then get counseling together.
30 is young. 10 years of marriage is long. You are both at a crossroads of youth and yet an entrenched relationship. You need to get away for a 4 day weekend with some girlfriends while he watches the kids, and then he needs to do the same. A little absence to make the heart grow fonder. But overall, you are going to have to work on your mutual respect and communication. Counseling teaches communication, if you can't do it yourselves.

Fr_Chuck · Sep 25, 2011, 04:06 AM

He has to want to make this work, and while you may believe you have gotten over it, a person will be surprised at how hidden feelings can effect a relationship.

I will agree that perhaps some time away will help, but it may be that professional counseling, to learn to see, care for and properly communicate feelings would be a big help

answerme_tender · Sep 25, 2011, 09:00 AM

You both as a couple have broken the trust in your marriage. Just because you were able to forgive, he hasn't reached that point and may never. Its always easier to judge other and condem them then to look inside ourselves and see our own bad behavior. Your husband maybe one of those people.

Bottom line is what have your BOTH done to correct the unhappiness that caused both of you to break your vows to each other? Just saying you have but it behind doesn't tell us what you have done to build your marriage to were neither one of you are looking outside to fulfill what your partner doesn't.

Its time to learn to be each others best friends. Its never too late to get some help rathe it be professional or through your church. Take Care

talaniman · Sep 25, 2011, 02:55 PM

You give him time because you can forgive easier than he can. So what? Did you forgive him before, or AFTER you cheated?

Jake2008 · Sep 25, 2011, 11:22 PM

You have six children together, and you've only been married 10 years?

Was there a point during the past 10 years where you were pregnant and he was not cheating? Were there several women, one woman? Does he have children with other women as well?

When did you have time to cheat between being pregnant and raising all those kids, and do you know why you cheated?

How is your rocky relationship affecting your children. Is the oldest only 10 years old, or did you have children with him prior to marrying him at age 20.

I don't know how you can not afford to seek some serious counselling. If the two of you cannot learn to communicate and solve problems of trust and infidelity, how can you both be on the same page to raise six children together.

Cheating once or cheating 50 times doesn't matter. One episode cracks the foundation of any marriage, and it will not get fixed without a lot of hard, serious work.

I know it must be difficult to find the time to seek help and attend counselling sessions. With six children you must both be working two full time jobs to support them. But that aside, you owe it to the health of your marriage, and family, and yourself, to work through your marital problems of cheating, and if possible, get the marriage back on track.

AJ_Hunsucker · Sep 30, 2011, 07:27 AM

Well this is why I am against these early age marriages. These marriages make people bound in a very early age. Men always take more time to get mature. The are more mature after their have crossed their 30s. The best way for both of you is to leave some time alone. Just leave children to him and visit some place where he is confident you can't cheat him.