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lonelygirl0207 · Sep 23, 2011, 04:03 PM

I have been a relationship for 7 months with this guy who seems to be amazing, we both fell head over heels for each other, and at the beginning were together all the time and now we are together 2 maybe three days a week. One reason cause we live a hour apart and money for ga. I am very insecure, and it is really becoming a problem.

I don't know how to make myself not be so insecure. He really never has done anything major for me not to trust him, I have just been cheated on in the past and emotionally abused and feel like when he can come see me and chooses to go out with his friends.

I take it so personal, like he doesn't want to be with me even though he tells me he misses me. I feel like sometimes he is pulling away and talk to him about it and he tells me he isn't. I am always doubting his feelings for me and him wanting to be with me. I sometimes think there might be someone else but there has never been any signs or reason for me to think that.

I am tired of crying and putting myself down and don't want to lose what could be a great thing! Please help.

talaniman · Sep 23, 2011, 04:22 PM

For one thing, I think its starts by not giving into those feelings and fears, by thinking before you say anything, or do anything. How much time went by from the bad relationship to this one?

For sure 7 months is not enough time to know someone, and to early to bring a lot of drama into it. Maybe you have moved to fast, maybe you haven't healed properly from your past, or maybe you have come to depend too much on him to make you happy. So I ask, is your life without him a happy one? Are you busy doing your thing without him, and enjoying it?

That would make a difference. People who are healthy, and happy with themselves, are seldom insecure.

lonelygirl0207 · Sep 23, 2011, 04:28 PM

I am not happy when I am not with him, I get so upset when I text him and he doesn't answer and right away I think he is doing something I don't want to flip on him but I am a mess

talaniman · Sep 23, 2011, 04:38 PM

You really do need a life without him, and better at least try and do what you did before you met him. Something, anything, that makes you less dependent on him. This isn't the way to go and is smothering and annoying.

If you cannot be happy and enjoy yourself, then you are not ready for a healthy, adult, relationship.

For sure impulsive, insecure behavior, will ruin everything so instead of texting him, find something to do for yourself.

lonelygirl0207 · Sep 23, 2011, 04:41 PM

When we first got together I was not this insecure I did my thing and I didn't really care what he was doing or when I heard from him, then I let my walls down and stupid little things like saying he would call when he got home and he didn't made me think something was up, and that stems from what was done to me in the past. Now when he tells me he will call I get nervous and all worked up cause I don't think he will. I suffer from anxiety which doesn't help. I just don't want to feel this way anymore.

talaniman · Sep 23, 2011, 04:58 PM

Then stop expecting him to do things in your time, be busy doing your thing like you were before, and stop letting the past affect the present, and have a check up for those anxieties.

How long after you got out of one relationship, did you get in another?

You don't have to let yourself get carried away by your own feelings you know.

lonelygirl0207 · Sep 23, 2011, 05:29 PM

About a year since last relationship but it was a very bad one. Had a lot of mind games done to me. I just don't want to be like this anymore. I am on meds for the anxiety, I just want to feel worth something to him, and he hasn't done anything to make me feel like I am not. He has every right to hang out with his friends I just wish I didn't get upset about it and think the worst I just don't know how to over come this

answerme_tender · Sep 23, 2011, 08:54 PM

No offense but the only person that can make you feel worth the love and respect of another is yourself. No matter what he does it will never be enough until you get help with yourself doubt.

When a person gets into a relationship they are usually hoping for a partner, not a child that they have babysit. You are a grown woman its time to prove to yourself that you are good enough and deserve a happy--healthy grown up relationship.

talaniman · Sep 24, 2011, 09:17 AM

Take full responsibility for your own happiness, and you won't need his constant approval, or attention, to reassure you of your own worth.

lonelygirl0207 · Sep 24, 2011, 08:11 PM

So a new thing kind of came about, and I think I might be over reacting but not sure, so he went out with his friend last night never called like he said he would, and then didn't hear from him till 230 this afternoon, and before this I noticed his friend deleted me of Facebook, and then I noticed my boyfriend became friends with this one girl some time last night or this morning. This girl is also friends with the one who deleted me, so now I am wondering if there is some connection, or am I just over reacting?

talaniman · Sep 25, 2011, 08:28 AM

Have you talked to him about it?? How can there be a reaction without facts??

lonelygirl0207 · Sep 25, 2011, 09:32 AM

I haven't said anything to him about this new friend, cause he says I shouldn't care about girls being on his Facebook cause it has us in a relationship and pics of us and post from us. But it does bother me. It just all seems fishy. He is suppose to come over today to talk and I am a nervous reck cause I think this might be the end of us, I don't want to lose him but I am not going to just deal with the way things are so I don't lose him. I am just so confuesed and really thinking something more is up. I have given him his space yesterday and he has called and said he loved me and missed me but something just isn't right

TrueFaith · Sep 25, 2011, 03:00 PM

I think you really need to call the relationship off yr not ready for any typ of relationship yet
I think you should focus on working on your issues

You will drive him away with this jealousy

You are reading way too much into things and you are becoming so obsessed with the actions of your boyfriend
You can't see left from right

Honestly learn to love and respect yourself before going into a relationship
Because all this stuff your worried about now

1 there are no facts to go on.. Just your feelings and that wouldn't stand up in court you assume things which is never good
And
2 you are punishing him for your last boyfriends mistakes
It's not fair on you or on him.

You really need to break this off for your own well being