Should I do it?

Evsdropr · Sep 16, 2011, 03:42 PM

Hello,

I am a 20 year old male, and I am in a long distance 6-month relationship at the moment. My girlfriend is in love with me and has said it to me numerous times. However, I do not feel the same. I care about her, but I am not physically attracted to her anymore as I was in the beginning, and it's getting harder as I am far away now.
A girl I met earlier today gave me her number, and passively asked me out.

Is it cheating if I go out with her tomorrow and don't do anything? Is it morally unethical to do this, knowing that she likes me? What should I do?

Thanks in advance,
Evsdropr

talaniman · Sep 16, 2011, 03:48 PM

Imagine how the one that loves you would feel if you did such a thing.

If you do not feel as she does, why are you leading her on? That's a dishonest thing to do. Tell her the TRUTH, and if you want to date others, let her go.

That's the honest thing to do because what you are proposing is cheating, and if you don't tell her, then that makes you a lying cheater.

No shame in having a change in your feelings for a partner, not telling them is shameful.

Evsdropr · Sep 16, 2011, 03:53 PM

I understand what you mean. The thing is, I don't want to see her hurt; and knowing how she feels about me, I just can't break up with her just after I moved elsewhere for my studies. She's been through some hard time with ex-boyfriends and she recently had a car accident, so me doing this would be another strike to her unhappiness.
I do not intend to do anything with this girl other than go out with her tomorrow; would it be OK if it stops at just that?

Wondergirl · Sep 16, 2011, 03:58 PM

Do you and the far-away girl have an agreement that each of you can date?

Evsdropr · Sep 16, 2011, 03:59 PM

No, but it doesn't count as a date if we go out just once right? Or would it count as a date?

Wondergirl · Sep 16, 2011, 04:01 PM

Originally Posted by Evsdropr

I just can't break up with her just after I moved elsewhere for my studies.

It would be a kindness if you did break up with her, especially since you don't really like her any longer.

Wondergirl · Sep 16, 2011, 04:02 PM

Originally Posted by Evsdropr

No, but it doesn't count as a date if we go out just once right? Or would it count as a date?

Yes, it's a date.

Evsdropr · Sep 16, 2011, 04:10 PM

What if I told my girlfriend about going out with this girl? Is it possible to make sure this girl understands that we'd be going out as friends only?

talaniman · Sep 16, 2011, 04:33 PM

Without telling her that you are no longer attracted to her? Naw guy, that's lying by omission, and still dishonest, and deceptive.

You want your cake and eat it to without doing the HONEST TRUTH.

Kind of cowardly isn't it?? You see nothing wrong with this course of action? Why haven't you been honest about your feelings with her??

How would you feel if she never says she loves you, and goes out with other guys as "just friends"?

slapshot_oi · Sep 16, 2011, 04:54 PM

Get some balls and just break-up with her.

I already know your plan. As evidenced by this recent girl and your reluctance to break-up with your girlfriend, it's clear that until you find an attractive girl who reciprocates the feeling, you're willing to hold on to your girlfriend, whom you don't even love, just to pacify you. This is a sign of insecurity and fear. These are not traits anyone should want.

JoeCanada76 · Sep 16, 2011, 06:36 PM

If you know you do not like her the same way as she likes you. It may be hard to do. I get that you do not want to hurt her. The thing is the longer you leave this to tell her, the more you end up doing on your end. Will hurt her even more down the road then telling her the truth now about how you feel.
I agree with the above post. Grow some balls and be truthful to her. Break up with her, since you are not liking her anymore as a girlfriend. Tell her you just want to be friends and that is it. Then she will have to decide on her end if she wants to continue the friendship or not.

Evsdropr · Sep 16, 2011, 07:25 PM

Thank you all for your responses. I guess I should break up with her before going out with this girl, or any other girl for that matter. Again, thanks, and let me know if you think of anything else..

JoeCanada76 · Sep 16, 2011, 07:27 PM

Please let us know how things go. It is hard, but the longer you hold off on it. It will just get even harder to do. You said yourself you do not feel the same way for her. Just be honest with her.

Joe

Wondergirl · Sep 16, 2011, 07:28 PM

And please let us know how it goes with the breakup and dating again.

TrueFaith · Sep 16, 2011, 09:59 PM

The fact you even have to question that statement, shows your level of maturity. You are still a kid. Do the right thing end it.

Oh and there's two kinds of cheating kid.

1 emotionally cheating on someone--- oh hi that's you! Yes even if you only go on one date, and order the low fat double whip latte. And only look at her once, in the left eye. No matter what you say. It's a form of cheating.

2 is the big physical

Be a man, and be accountable for your own feelings and the feelings of those that surround you.

vanheart · Sep 16, 2011, 10:16 PM

I agree. "not telling them is shameful "

What's the question? To cheat on a girl LD that's waiting for you?

That you don't even like?

She will be glad soon that she isn't your girlfriend anymore.

Lame. Tell her sooner than later.
This isn't fair.