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gemz11 · Sep 16, 2011, 12:11 PM

Seriously, I don't know how to make my boyfriend acknowledge me anymore, he never seems to want to have sex with me I feel like if we do its only because he feels he has to at some point, and its always me who initiates it,most of the time he'll want to go sleep or watch TV or talk to anyone on the phone. If I try to talk to him about this or anything else like why can't I even just be held by him, he'll just say this is what normal couples do, I love him to bits but I feel like he's not attracted to me at all,
We've been together for two and a half years and been through some bad times and come through them together, but I'm really stuck on how I can make him happy with being with me and seem like he wants me again, when I ask him if he still loves me and finds me attractive he says yes but never shows it, I need to make him show it bearing in mind a conversation is out of the question as he doesn't do them really with me.

talaniman · Sep 16, 2011, 02:00 PM

No this is not how normal couples act, as every couple defines what good or bad, and stays on the same page by communicating.

No communications, no relationship. Sorry, you either learn to talk and listen or be miserable and unhappy, until you split.

I highly suggest you express your unhappiness, and see if he is listening.

If not, let him sleep alone.

gemz11 · Sep 16, 2011, 02:10 PM

Thanks for the advice, but its hard to think so black and white when I do really love him I don't know if I can let him go,but at the same time I'm not sure I'm enough for him to try and woork this out at the moment there's more shouting than talking if I try to get him to talk about us,

Wondergirl · Sep 16, 2011, 02:23 PM

Most guys don't want to talk about "us" -- they just want to do whatever they do. The more you talk about "us," the more he will shut down.

The language he understands best is your action. Would he notice if you aren't there?

I suggest you go shopping, go to the library, go out with friends, go to your mom's, etc. In other words, get busy and stopping putting all your eggs in one basket. Don't cheat on him, but have your own life apart from him. Just because you love him doesn't mean he takes up every minute of your day and night.

gemz11 · Sep 16, 2011, 02:37 PM

To be honest I think your both kind of right,I'm just scared that I could loose him even more if I distance me from him there wouldn't be a us as he's already so distant already,its like I'm holding on to us for dear life and I think if I let go 2 he'll be gone he doesn't seem 2 want 2 fight for me what so ever.

Wondergirl · Sep 16, 2011, 02:48 PM

The more you smother him and act clingy, the faster he will get disgusted and want to break up.

If you get a life and are an interesting person because of it, he will be charmed and intrigued by you and want to be around you.

"Absence makes the heart grow fonder."

talaniman · Sep 16, 2011, 03:42 PM

That's your fear talking, but fact is it takes TWO people working together to make a relationship work. You can't do this by yourself, he has to do his part too.

Like WonderGirl has said, do things that you enjoy without him, and see if he misses you, and appreciates you, because if he doesn't then you don't have a relationship.

What are you just going to pretend you're happy? That's not honest, nor is it fair to you. Look he has to learn how to love you so teach him, calmly, or what's the point.