[CheshireKitten]

Recently I was talking to this girl and our total interaction only spanned an hour maybe an hour and a half. During that point she proceeded to tell me that love isn't really love without sex, it's just infatuation. I asked her if she loved her mother, father, brothers, sisters, friends and she said it was different. After pointing out that by her definition, she didn't really love these people she got mad at me and said that we were only a year apart in age but I had the maturity level of a middle schooler and that I would understand what she was talking about after I lost my V-card.

Thoughts?

Is she right? Is it impossible to love someone really if you don't sleep with them? Or am I right in my belief that love is more than sex and while it's necessary to have some form of physical attraction to be in love with someone, you don't have to have sex for it to count as true love?

[justcurious55]

I don't think there's any one right answer, as love can mean different things to different people. But I think more like you, I think it's entirely possible to love someone without ever sleeping with them. I would even argue that sex has nothing to do with love in some relationships and is purely lust. And since you seem sure of your beliefs on what love is and isn't, I don't know that I agree that your opinion is so likely to change after you lose your virginity. I also don't think you're opinion on love is immature.

[talaniman]

My thought is that people set their own rules between them, through honest communications, because everybody has there own ideas about love, sex, and the price of butter beans.

[mmresd]

Love is what it means to each individual, for some it might require sex, for myself I truly believe that sex is one if not the best way to show someone how much you love them, but it is not the only way, for others love in their thoughts might not involve any sex at all. Tell her to grow up, and tell her to mature, because have such a narrow mind instead of an open one is a sign of immaturity.

[Cat1864]

In my opinion, she is showing her lack of emotional maturity. Her type of thinking is generally hormone driven or she thinks that affection and intimacy are only shared through sexual intercourse.

I would be concerned that she believes that sex equals love. Actually, sex without love is Lust. Infatuation does not have to be celibate. You can have sex and still not have the deeper emotion that love describes.

Intimacy and affection can be enhanced by sexual interaction. Sex is not the only way to express intimacy, affection and love. Sex is only a small part of the whole.

By her reasoning, partners who can't have sex for one reason or another can't be in love. There are many medical reasons for couples to abstain from sex. Some couples are separated by work, deployment, school, etc.. Are those people any less in love?

[QLP]

I don't know how old this girl is but I'm guessing she has got to that age where she suddenly thinks she knows it all. I remember thinking that when I was a teenager. By the time I was in my twenties I realised my teen-self was a bit of an idiot and I felt a lot more grown-up. Now I'm rapidly approaching fifty and realise I have so much to learn I will never get there entirely, but there is always a little more I can learn each day.

The fact that you are questioning rather than asserting some blanket statement that is supposed to hold all the answers speaks of greater maturity to me.

Love is many things to many people, sometimes sex is integral to it and sometimes not. Not a very straightforward answer, but many things just aren't that simple.

[Fr_Chuck]

She has the view point of many in the world, where sex is required. Most likely she has been used or taught this by others. Most likely a boy or girl friend.

For many others, no, real love, true love can be found and grow without sex. For a committed couple, sex can be a wonderful, but it is not what makes the love.

[0rphan]

In my opinion you have summed this up very well... I totally agree with you.No you don't have to have sex to fall in love, sex is the icing on the cake when your in love with someone, but a cake taste just as good without it.

To me there are two catagories:love and in- love.

We all love our mums and Dads,sisters and brothers etc... we also love our dogs cats etc... we love many things in our lives,the word love we even apply to lots of things,from our best friend to our favourite food.We love different things in very different ways.

In-love is totally different: your in- love with your boyfriend/girlfriend.. husband/wife... or partener what ever title your relationship holds... you are in- love with the whole package of this person.

You don't have sex, you can experience that anywhere with any one... you make love to the person your in-love with.

Many young people think having sex is expected of them,they think it is the done thing now and that their relationships will last longer if they do... they won't.A foundation to a relationship is what counts.