[ticking]

My 8 year old is masterbating at school at assigned desk. She thinks the other kids can't see her but of course they can. Sometimes I volunteer in her classroom and have seen her do it. Her teacher is aware of it too and we have discussed possible solutions. None have worked. Does anyone have any suggestions for making her it in public? She is allowed to do it in the privacy of her bedroom only.

[twinkiedooter]

Take your child to a psyhologist to be properly diagnosed and treated. This is something that you can't treat at home by yourself.

[Fr_Chuck]

So you have told her this is not proper behavior for a child to do in public. So when you tell her to stop what does she say

[ticking]

Yes, I have told her it is not proper behavior in public. Her answer to that is, "okay I promise not to do it any more", but then she breaks that promise. I've asked her why she does it, what is the trigger or what is going on when she gets the urge to do and her answers are either, "I don't know" or "my pants are rubbing against me and I have to do it" or "my chair is uncomfortable". So, I never put her in blue jeans or close fitting pants. I am about to go to dresses only. And as for the Pyschologist... that is my next step. This has been going on since she was 2 or so but I never thought much of it since thus far her Pediatrician and teachers have all concurred that it is a natural part of growing up. I think it has gone on too long though.

[hheath541]

It sounds like she may not understand the cause behind it. To her, it's probably just something that feels good, and she doesn't understand why she shouldn't do something that makes her feel good.

If talking to her doesn't work. Then it sounds like therapy might be the next step.

Has she had anything about sex/reproduction explained to her, yet? It might help if she had an age-appropriate crash-course in sexual anatomy and sex in general. Maybe understanding the purpose behind the things she feels will help her realize and understand that it's not something that is appropriate in public.

By the way, I am very glad that you are not one of those parents who yell/smack the child and tell them that it's dirty and they should never touch themselves. By starting an open communication in sexual matters at such a young age, you stand a better chance of her being open an honest with you as she gets older and ready to explore that part of herself more fully. She'll also be more confident and comfortable with herself when she is old enough to enter into a sexual relationship.

[Fr_Chuck]

What punishments has the child received for not obeying and lying for continuing the behavior ?

[ticking]

We tread lightly in the area of punishment with this issue but have instituted a policy of no computer games and no television for lying. And no, we have not really explained reproduction to her though last year her teacher gave us a pamphlet on the subject with examples of age appropriate comments /conversation starters about sex. It was all very mild and my daughter seemed unaffected by it.
Thanks for your suggestions, they have been helpful. I will have to think about how we use punishment to affect behavior and maybe more age appropriate information on sex and societal rules will help. Meanwhile, I'm sticking with the loose clothing and will investigate therapy.

[Fr_Chuck]

So because it is a "sex" issue you are not doing any form of punishment when she does it, and is told not to ? You were not clear in your answer

[ticking]

We have not punish for the act for rubbing. I have only stressed that lying about it is wrong and the lying is why she is being punished. We stress appropriate behavior and I've been giving her tips on how to overcome the urge to do it in class. I've told her that if she lies about it and I don't know, then I can't help her. If I catch her at home doing it anywhere but her bedroom, I simply interrupt and send her to her room. I have stressed with her that rubbing her clothes... wiggling really, in public has consequences. That in public there are consequences for doing things we should only do in private. Consequences could be friends may not want to be friends any more, other adults may not understand and want to step in to help mom and dad be good parents and even, if grown ups do it in public, they get taken to jail! I don't know. I feel like we've talked and talked and she just won't stop it in public.

[QLP]

The fact that you mention she seems to find sitting uncomfortable and is wriggling makes me wonder if there is a physical irritant triggering it. Anything from pinworms, to an infection or allergy in her genital area. Might be worth getting a doctor to rule these things out. Might also be worth looking at what detergents you use for her clothes and what she uses to bathe with in case they are causing any irritation.

[JoeCanada76]

I personally do not think it is good to punish a young child for a behavior that is completely natural. The thing is it should be taught that the behavior is only okay when it is in privacy not at school. I also agree maybe it is itchy or some kind of irritations should be looked at. The lying about it needs to be addressed but probably feels embarrassed about it. Probably fearing punishment of some kind. This needs to be addressed gently.

[pittardm]

My daughter is 8, does the same thing, and has been doing it since she was a toddler. She doesn't seem to be able to control it. Sometimes she even says she is sore and bleeding a little from all the rubbing. She knows it's inappropriate in public places, so when I ask her why she does it, she says she just feels it tingling there and has difficulty not touching. (The only analogy I can think of is a sore with a scab you keep picking at even though you know it will just keep it from healing.) So I've decided to call my gynecologist to see if there's a cream of some kind to heal and desensitize the area. I think it's a self-perpetuating physiological issue at this point.

[ticking]

We don't punish her for doing it. I've taken her to her pediatrician twice about it, thinking maybe she possibly had an infection. Her Dr. never found any infection and didn't have any suggestion on how to curb it, only said it was natural and not to worry about it. I never thought of taking her to my gyn or even just trying out an over the counter vaginal cream to desensitize the area. That is a fantastic idea. Thank you. This is the first idea I've read that I hadn't already thought of. Thank you.

[kristi.33]

Have you had any progress with your daughter? Our 9 year daughter has the same "habit" and we have been trying to help her break it for many years. We first noticed this at 18 months (sitting on her hands and hopping up and down). While it is a sexual stimulation and probably does feel good, we are quite sure this is not something she consciously decides to do. She excels in school, has lots of friends and is very social. Unfortunately, we are afraid that as she gets older, this behavior will start to alienate her. We have sought help from teachers, guidance counselors, pediatricians and she current sees a therapist. But nothing seems to change. Teachers have told us she us a distraction in class. We try to talk with her but she gets upset. Some dats are better than others. We are at our witts end and concerned for her well being and physical and emotional health. Wondering if you have had any positive changes?

[mother daughter]

My daughter did that 2 @ 8 we tried every yelling punish her... what worked was I brought my vibator to school every day and used it on her at lunch time to release stress she had during day..