[youradvisor1]

Hi
I've posted questions on here previously and received great advise. Thank you to those that are willing to read and offer their opinion.

So here's my story. I met my boyfriend on Match in March but we didn't actually start talking and dating regularly till May. We've been together now for four months. We've developed a strong bond and have connected spiritually, physically and emotionally. I wouldn't say it has been an entirely smooth road though.

After two months I brought up the commitment and he said he wasn't ready to say it was just us. I was devastated to be honest because in all my past serious relationships the guy didn't need much time to commit. In further discussions on the topic he explained that he felt intimidated by my success and place in life and that he felt inadequate because he couldn't buy me beautiful things or wine and dine me all the time. I explained that although I'm a professional and successful I wasn't seeking out a sugar daddy. I'm a down to earth girl and simply want to be with a man that cares for, respects and treats me well.

A few weeks ago his sister came into town for a night and he told me that he wanted her to meet me. I did and we all had a wonderful night. She told me he has said only wonderful things about me to the family. Anyhow, we usually spend one weekday night and the entire weekend together. I'd say we're together about 50% of the time. In person he's sweet, loving, caring, affectionate. He treats me like gold and I feel like a princess when we're spending time together. He expresses so much interest and compassion for me.

Here's the caveat. When we're apart I feel like he talks to me as though I'm just a buddy. Although he texts me daily I still want more attention and romance over our exchanges. Sometimes he'll send me the most wonderful messages stating that he's so lucky and blessed to have me. He thinks I'm wonderful, beautiful, sexy, smart and amazing. Yeah that's great but when I'm on the road I want him to tell me that he misses me and is thinking about me. Instead I get random silly, casual, goofy messages. I was so happy that last week he checked in to make sure I got to my destination OK. I understand he's occupied in school and work but I want to talk more frequently when we're apart. Plus, I find it irritating that he sometimes takes so much time to respond when he initiated. Mabye I'm being insecure?

I don't know what to do. He told me he has been trying to show me more and text more frequently. Trying really? Shouldn't you want to talk to me when we're apart. IDK but tonight I flew out to CA and I expected to receive a message wishing me a good flight and asking if I arrived OK but nothing. He did last week when I traveled.

What should I do? I'm not needy and consider myself independent but now feel lonely. He talked to me about our holiday and future plans so I know he's in it for the long run. I just don't get why he's so expressive in person but apart sometimes aloof. I have no doubt that he really cares for and likes me but I want more attention.

How would you guys handle this situation without sounding too needy and demanding?

[talaniman]

A commitment after two months?? I am sorry but you seem to want too much, to fast, and are really focused on what YOU want, when you want it, and the way you want it. Honest communications is the key here, but first, if I were you, I would slow down and get a better feel for this guy, instead of criticizing, and being disappointed that he is not doing things the way you want after a few months.

Yes you are demanding, and too needy, too much so in such a short time, and don't seem to accept him for what he is. Instead of changing him, learn about him, because even I can see he may be easily overwhelmed by you. I think you are better served by establishing some communications, without expectations, so you can better judge each other over time, and be more comfortable in each others true ways.

Be a lot less aggressive, and pay attention to NOW, and not some future you are making. That's how you back up and learn each others language and style, and can make some adjustments through TALKING, and listening, carefully, and calmly.

If you don't, you get drama, and conflict, that build RESENTMENTS. So stop pushing so hard, so fast, so soon, and see how things develop naturally. What's your hurry??

Romance is nice, but overtime, you should appreciate a friend, and buddy. Especially for the long run. What you think romance is all the time?? Try that after waking up together with morning breath! You don't want romance, you want a friend.

[kcomissiong]

If you continue to insist that he show you his affection in the way that YOU want, you are going to drive him away. What you have describes in a wonderful (albeit fast), considerate, and caring relationship. My husband is my best friend, and all those little moments when he takes the time to send me a joke, or be silly and goofy with me mean far more than the grand romantic gestures. That little "friend" stuff is the substance of our relationship, and what gets us through when we have difficulties. It is what we built our love on. After such a short time in your relationship, why can't you appreciate him for the man that he is, instead of being annoyed at who he is not. Why can't you enjoy the moments that you spend together, and relish the fact that he misses you when you're away? If you demand that he change himself to show you affection in that way that you want, he will end up with someone who can appreciate him.

[Homegirl 50]

I think you are way too needy.
Maybe this is who he is and he does not sound like a bad person. The relationship is only 2 months in and already you want him to change for you.
You say you have connected emotionally spiritually and physically but things haven't been entirely smooth. What is it that you want and what do you expect from a relationship that is new and in the discovering process?
Sounds to me like you want to be wooed 24/7 and that is unrealistic.

[youradvisor1]

I appreciate everyone's brutal honesty. We've actually been dating for five months. At the two/three month mark I did ask if he wanted to date just me or date others. Maybe I jumpted the gun and should've held off on this conversation till later in the relationship. I'm 31 and he's 35 BTW so we're not kids.

I'm not asking him to change who he is as a person. I just want a bit more attention. I've had it in past relationships without having to ask the guy to give me a call or text periodically. Who would be happy with a guy that never calls and rarely texts?

Anyhow, I think a healthy relationship should come naturally and feel easy. Since I'm not getting what I want and need I decided to walk away.

[Homegirl 50]

I think that is probably best