[Merrr1]

Hello first I'm sorry for my language English isn't my tongue language .
My problem is I feel that I want to get spanked from my boyfriend till I cry and I like to feel completely under his control .I wand it as a discipline not for fun and I can't even tell him that. Sometimes I made him get mad at me and angry to make him punish me but he didn't and it cause many problem between us because he doesn't know I do it all argument to make him punish me and spank till I cry. And we going to get marry soon and I think I need it badly to could enjoy Life with him . Why I feel that way ?

PS: I have never got any punishment while childhood never . I haven't got spanked before as a punishment and I haven't got any anther punishment too .

So why I feel I need it from my man?
Am I normal to feel that way?
Why do I feel I need to get punished even I haven't tried it before even in childhood?
I'm afraid because I feel maybe I'm Masochism it scary me because how could I tell him please answer my question I need your help allot

[Aurora_Bell]

Many different people enjoy sex and sexual acts in many different ways. A lot of people enjoy Sadomasochism, a form of physical role-playing. There is nothing wrong with having different wants and needs in the bedroom, expressing yourself in a healthy sexual manner with your partner is nothing to be ashamed of. Talk to your spouse, if you think he won't take it so well, start by introducing it slowly, small spanks, some erotic hand cuffs or blind folds. Take it one step at a time. Don’t forget to ask him what turns him on, what types of things he is into. A great way to be able to express yourself and what you like is by talking about your partners fantasies.

I am going to ask that your thread be moved to the adult sexuality forum, because I don’t think this is a mental well being issue so much as it is a sexual understanding question.

[Merrr1]

No I don't like it for sexual relationship . I need it for discipline not for sex at all .

[Cat1864]

I am going to let you know that I am a masochist. It is not a negative thing unless you let it cause problems in your relationship such as arguing for no reason. It does not mean there is anything wrong with you if you are.

First thing is to be honest with your boyfriend about why you are picking fights with him. Talk to him and see if he may have noticed anything in your behavior or background that might explain this need. If you keep picking fights and they are getting worse because you are trying to get a certain reaction from him, he may decide the relationship isn't worth the drama. If you explain, he may have the same needs you do but is not expressing them because he doesn't want to upset you.

Second, there may be a sexual aspect to your need. It may be that instead of orgasm you are wanting to release the build up of tension through crying. Both orgasm and crying release endorphins. Both together can be a very intense release of emotions for some people. When you masturbate, do you (have you) thought about spanking as foreplay? Have you tried spanking yourself to see what it feels like?

Some people do enjoy being controlled and disciplined for non-sexual reasons. It is giving up responsibility for making their own choices and making someone else responsible for fulfilling their needs. It is saying, 'I am yours, take care of me so I don't have to take care of myself.' It is a need for security and knowing where you fit in the relationship.

As a child, you knew you were secure because your parents took care of you and, though they may not have spanked you, they probably had other means of making certain you obeyed their rules. As a child you weren't the one in control of what you wanted.

As an adult, you have to make your own choices and it can be frightening. It is often tempting to let someone else take control.

It could be a reaction to how your boyfriend handles his emotions. Does he bottle up his feelings leaving you to wonder where you stand with him? Does he let you know when he is upset with something you have said or done? Does he distance himself when he is upset and leave you wanting a reaction from him even if it is a spanking to put things 'right'?

When did you notice this urge? While you were dating or after you agreed to marry him? If it was while dating, did it get stronger after the engagement? How do you view marriage and your role in it?

[Merrr1]

First I want to to thank you from deep of my heart really about your time which you spent to reply to my problem. Thank you really . And I'll tell you the answers to your questions

I don't masturbate sometimes I feel I need it when I think about spanking but I know it's not good thing to do that's why I try to not do that but yes I'm thinking about it when I imaging spanking

Have you tried spanking yourself to see what it feels like?
- yes I did once but I felt nothing because I need someone to put me under his control when I did it to myself I thought I'm crazy and it doesn't like me I need someone to do it to me

Does he let you know when he is upset with something you have said or done?
Yes he told me how mad he is or upset over and over I made him v angry so he being so mad and telling me how he felt against my mistake

Does he distance himself when he is upset and leave you wanting a reaction from him ?
Yes he just leave me alone to think about it and sometimes he became so sad and mad at me so he stopped talking to me and I'm telling him I hate you when you stopped talking punish me even but don't became silent like this but he telling me how could I ? You are adult but you deserve it and I don't know how to do it . Look no one could believe I'm the one who saying punish me so he takes it as I'm kidding or just want him to talking to me and I don't mean it .

When did you notice this urge? While you were dating or after you agreed to marry him? If it was while dating, did it get stronger after the engagement? How do you view marriage and your role in it?

I notice it while dating yes and I agree to marry him since I know him but we still didn't engaged we going to soon and we going to marry after it .

And I imagine my role in marriage to be good wife obedient and treat my man right as he going to treat me good too and let him be the king of household

[Cat1864]

Merrr, a quick word about marriage, you may be okay with him being king, but remember you are the queen not a servant. There is a big difference between the two in how you view yourself. A queen is equal to the king and a dignity and power of her own. A servant is just there to serve and can be replaced.

You are an adult and should be treated like one. He should not punish you. If he needs to walk away to calm down when there is a disagreement, then he should. After you are both calm, you should be able to discuss the issue and find a way to compromise or fix it as a couple. Communicating and working together are part of the foundation for a successful marriage.

I think there is more of a sexual component to your desire/need than you have been allowing yourself to recognize. It is okay to be turned on by the thought of being spanked or controlled. It doesn't mean you want to be beaten or abused. Many people are into what is considered light bondage and discipline. As I said before, I am. A big part of the turn on for me is the trust that I have for my husband. I know he won't do anything I am uncomfortable with and will keep me safe.

Masturbation can be a great way to know what turns you on. Fantasy is a wonderful place to try new things that you might never want to think about doing in reality. It can help release the tension you seem to be trying to goad your boyfriend into helping you let go. It is safer to masturbate than make someone mad enough to hit you. I will caution you to be very careful about finding erotica dealing with the subject because it can get into harder subjects than I think you are interested in.

Once again, I think you need to talk to your boyfriend about why you pick fights. Trying to manipulate him into spanking you could end up in a very bad way. You seem to trust him and that he won't hurt you, but if he loses his temper, he could go a lot farther than you want. It could cause a great deal of damage to your trust and relationship.

IF you and he decide together to try spanking or anything else, set boundaries and a 'safe' word. A 'safe' word is something you use to let him know you have had enough or things are going too far. Choose a word you can remember and isn't one you might say when you don't mean to. If you or he says the safe word, the play stops immediately.

Be honest with each other about what you like and what you don't. Accept each other's boundaries. If he isn't into spanking, then leave it as fantasy for you. However, no more trying to manipulate his emotions to get a need met. Be careful and take care.

[Aurora_Bell]

Have to spread the rep Cat, but I am so glad you answered this, I wanted to but could have never have worded it as nicely as you have done.

[Fr_Chuck]

I will agree, what you are ( from what is appears) is more of a common desire than people wish to discuss publicly.

Men or women may have desires to be "controlled" at least for some periods. In many cases it may lead to a sexual result, but in others, some like merely the feel of being controlled.

This does not have to be as noted in the entire relationship but can be during role playing.

All types of role playing is good and healthy for relationships if both parties can agree and have fun with it.

So you need to sit down and discuss it with him what you may wish to do and try.

[FadedMaster]

I thought we weren't supposed to answer until we knew the poster's age?

[Synnen]

This thread was answered before it was moved from another category, Fadedmaster.

That is a good point, though--we do need to know the OP's age.

[Merrr1]

I'm in 20 yo I see it's too hard to discuss with my boyfriend about it because I'm very shy person and in the same time I think it's bad to think like that without him . I have to let him know that but I can't tell I don't know how to tell and we going to engaged soon I want to tell him now if I'm sico so I need dr with him if I'm not so he going to prush it that's why I feel I have to tell him all about me and I know him for yearrrrs .
Thanks for everyone who has spent his/her time to just reply to my question thank you from deep of my heart :)
My question I put it into sicology problem but they move it here

[Fr_Chuck]

First, you are not a sicco, and you don't have a problem, you just have some desires that are not the same as everyone, All people have some desire,

Next you have no business getting engaged if you can not sit down and talk to him about this first. If you can not discuss any and eerything with him, every detail about anything, then no you are not ready to get married yet

[Cat1864]

Merrr, as I said before, there is nothing wrong with you. You aren't alone.

It is a touchy subject for some people, but if you approach it as an explanation for why you start fights or do things to make him mad, it should be a little bit easier.

[Merrr1]

Thank you all really for your helpful answers and I'll see I have talking with him about it I hope if I could to do something emmbarrrassing like that :(

[Cat1864]

Merrr, I don't know if it helps, but I am here for you.

Good luck and remember you are not alone.

[talaniman]

You really do need to discuss this with him before you get married, or engaged, to explain your behavior, and more importantly, so he can understand you and make the right adjustments for you, if he is willing.

Tradition and custom be damned between a couple if they cannot at least talk about their hopes, dreams, desires, fantasies, and feelings.

Keeping this to yourself would be a mistake. Marriage IS about sharing, caring, and trust, and honesty. If you keep an important part of yourself secret, how can he care? Share your secret with him. If he is to understand and deal with you, you must tell him, or what's the point in getting married in the first place?

At least talking to him will let your King, know how to treat his Queen.

[Merrr1]

Ty cat and talaniman and all you really right about what have just you said I know I have to talk to him it must happent between us because we going to get marrie and engaged but you know its just hard for me to telling that I'm afraid if he understand the situation is just I want to to be punished but I just want to let him understand I'm a queen too as you said I don't know what should I say exactly . U know when I talking with him always I say words doesn't mean what I want to to tell and I'm so afraid if that happen when I discuss with him that issue

[Cat1864]

Would it be an idea to sit down with him and discuss what each of you expect the marriage to be like? Start now trying to find common ground for such subjects as day-to-day living, how to raise children, etc.

If you feel like you are getting overly emotional about a subject or having trouble finding words to say what you mean, let him know you need to get control and change to a different subject for a few minutes. Both of you should feel comfortable asking for clarification if you aren't certain what the other person means. This is part of learning to communicate and working together as partners.

As you learn to communicate about other subjects, sex and its many aspects will be easier to discuss. If you are still uncertain about how to broach the subject, you can write him a letter explaining how you feel including that you are very nervous about talking and his reaction. Another way might be to watch a movie you know has an adult spanking an adult (McLintock! with John Wayne is one) or has one person dominating the other person and mention that you wonder how it would feel.

You might consider showing him this thread if you think it might help you explain your needs to him.

If you are marrying him, you should feel comfortable learning how to communicate with him about a lot of subjects. Sex (and sexual acts) are only one.

Remember that you are already a Queen. Hold your head up high and use your dignity to help you remain in control of your emotions.

I'll be honest if he doesn't want to discuss expectations or has a negative reaction to you stating your needs, it will be better to know now when it is easier to change your mind. You haven't said why you want to marry him, but I hope you will be very happy in your choice.

I'm still here and I am with you in spirit if you want me to be. Good luck.

[Merrr1]

Thank you v much cat and I'll try to do that soon I just don't have a courage but your way to give me an example about what should I do I see its perfect I'll see and do it and I can't let him watch spanking movies because we don't have that kind of movie here in my country where I live and if I found one on the internet it going to be sexuell and maybe he going to thought I'm watching porn not just spanking so I can't show him clips over internet or movies . I have found a subject called " why spanking is good for woman " I thought to send it to him and talking with him saying ohh see that crazy idea or something and trying to get his opinion about it is that good idea instead of show him a movie??

[Cat1864]

I am glad you are looking for ways to share. You already sound much happier.

Do you mind telling me which country you are in? It might help me find some other resources for you.