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Merrr1 · Sep 8, 2011, 03:37 PM

I had sent u message cat telling u about it all and please tell me is that good idea or not to show him aticel about it to see his opinion about spank or something instead of movies

talaniman · Sep 8, 2011, 03:49 PM

Is part of your fear due to your culture, religion, ot traditional values??

Cat1864 · Sep 8, 2011, 03:55 PM

Yes, I think it is a good idea. You seem comfortable with the idea and that is what matters.

If you have found a way to share or explain your needs, then go for it.

I hope it turns out the way you want and wish you good luck.

Fr_Chuck · Sep 8, 2011, 07:10 PM

Originally Posted by Merrr1

i had sent u message cat telling u about it all and please tell me is that good idea or not to show him aticel about it to see his opinion about spank or somthing instead of movies

Please note that it is the intention of the site to keep all information public. PM information to one expert or another privately is against the site rules as it can tend to change what is being asked or said,

Cat1864 · Sep 8, 2011, 07:25 PM

Because of the PM, I am going to state that she does have personal reasons for not giving her location on the board which is what the message was contained. They are related to culture. Other than that no other information was in the PM that hasn't been stated here.

Merrr1 · Sep 10, 2011, 05:20 PM

talaniman my fear not because my religion or something but my boyfriend he is v religious yes and that's why I told cat1864 I can't show him a movie and I don't have a movie too because he going to thought it's sexual movie not more and see it's strange for me to see that kind of movies. Sorry for not telling all my details but it's just as cat said I have a personal reason for that and my location or anything doesn't has an effect on my fear of telling my boyfriend all I want to okay so I see it doesn't matter here and all your answers is useful for me thank you allll really and please don't be sad because I'm not telling much about myself good luck cat too and special thanks for u :)

Merrr1 · Dec 1, 2011, 03:17 AM

I have told him finally I feel like that I want a punishment and rules instead of fighting all the time he surprised and ask me to give him an ideas of course I couldn't tell him that I like spanking but I told him I make a search and found that idea without reveal to him it's my fav > he call those people who done it names and he see they are crazy and refuse that idea compeletly ohhhhhhhh then I couldn't tell him I want it because I know that he hate it and we keep fighting and then he stop tlakin to me and neglacting instead of punish as I told him what should I do I fed up reallly and I can't make him do that just because I like that's why I didn't told him I like it ohhh please answer me :( I'm dying

Aurora_Bell · Dec 1, 2011, 07:16 AM

Merr, if you can't be yourself, and you can't express your needs and wants in a healthy manner, maybe this man is not for you. I understand it has something to do with your culture, but maybe it's time to find a new man who can please you emotionally and physically. Your needs will not go away.

Merrr1 · Dec 1, 2011, 09:48 AM

I can't leave him I didn't tell him even I like it I just give him a suggest he is normal me not because I ask for something weird no one like to get punished like me so am I soupose to leave him for my weird desires :( I love him for 7 years he is my man I can't leave him because of that but I can't live like that also that's what mae\ke me feel so bad :(

talaniman · Dec 1, 2011, 10:43 AM

You say he is a religious man, but is he rigid? Close minded? I cannot fathom a marriage where both partners feel free to express themselves, and don't have the ability to discuss anything.

How else can you build a bond, and resolve issues together when one or the other cannot express themselves freely?

I just have believed as a partner to be open minded and at least try to explore and experiment with my partner, and when the subtle suggestions don't work, then a more direct approach is needed.

Until you work up to that direct approach, even if it causes some unease, embarrassment, or conflict, you will never make progress in the important area of knowing how you both feel, or how serious you feel about it.

The hope is that even though he thinks others crazy, and has some good ideas what he may be against, he must also know that his partner sees things differently, and adjustment must be considered.

You may never get a freaky deaky spanking machine out of this, no matter how bad you want one, but I think if you work patiently through honest communications, in time, he may become sympathetic to your needs and happiness, which after all is what healthy marriages are about.

The bonds between married couples is its own religion, and culture, if you think of it that way, private to you both, exclusive to you both. So you both have to set the rules so you both are happy. Or else, what's the point?

Merrr1 · Dec 1, 2011, 11:56 AM

You are compeltly right but I don't want him to do that just because I like it I want him to believe in that too and I explore that he doesn't like it :( so we would never do that that's why I can't tell him I like it he is not rigd at all he is very good man to me loving caring gentle open minded too but he doesn't want to hurt me as any gentlman I'm the one is sicko and ask for weird stuff :(

Aurora_Bell · Dec 1, 2011, 12:10 PM

You are not sick, and you are not weird. Stop thinking that. Exploring sexuality, likes and dislikes is a natural human thing! If you can't share your deepest desires with the one you love, than who can you share them with. Maybe try asking him about some of his fantasies?

talaniman · Dec 1, 2011, 12:27 PM

If you are sick, so is the whole freaking world. Look, don't be frustrated, many of us have partners that don't go along with everything we want, but we reach solutions, and compromise by talking and finding alternatives.

I think finding out about his fantasies is a great approach to learning, which is essential to growing.

Merrr1 · Dec 1, 2011, 02:21 PM

THE problem is I don't want him to do that just for me I want he to believe in that too and he doesn't if I tod him I like it sure he going to do it but I don't like it I want him to do that because he like it also :(

Wondergirl · Dec 1, 2011, 02:30 PM

I haven't read this whole thread, so maybe someone else suggested this: Start small, role-play. Do gentle and perhaps romantic role-plays at first -- secretary seducing her boss or a flight attendant seducing a pilot. Then you could dress up as a schoolgirl and he as a headmaster. You could be sent to the headmaster's office because you were naughty. Maybe a scenario like that would help him become more used to what you want with gentle spanking, and how you are thinking and feeling.

Cat1864 · Dec 1, 2011, 04:28 PM

Merrr, what did you tell him about what you found? Did you explain that you are interested in 'punishment' as a part of sex? Could he be envisioning a child/parent type of scenario instead of what you really want?

It sounds like he may want an equal partner. To him, you may be asking to be treated as less than an equal in every day life. It is to his credit that he sees you as more than a possession. I hope you ultimately see yourself as more, too.

You seem caught up on 'punishment'. Spanking doesn't have to be 'punishment'. It can be all about sensation just like caresses, tickling, pinching, scratching, kissing, licking, nipping, etc. Since I don't think you quite know what you want or at least how far you want it to go, why don't you ask him about exploring 'other' sensations such as 'pats' instead 'spanks'?

Merrr1 · Dec 2, 2011, 01:19 AM

I know what I want cat I feel I want it for punishment and maybe for funn and sex that's why I see I'm weird because no one like it for punishment I can't tell him " i like it " I just give him a suggestion I told him when he asked me if I have any ideas for punishment and rules I told him once I have seen someone over website says that he spanked his woman then he say those people are very crazy so I didn't contniuie about what I want because I see he refuse it

Merrr1 · Dec 8, 2011, 01:47 PM

I have told him yestrday about my needs and we got a very very big big fight and he has cursing me allot for that :( say bad names to me also . I just told him the following " sometimes I feel I need you to be strict and bad guy with me hahhaha then I told him when I have read those people who talking about spanking discipline I think I like it and I want to try one then I couldn't imagine I have said that they I said but when I imagine it with you I feel its going to hurt so I don't want it hahhaha then I laugh he thought I'm kidding and he was so nice when I told him I'm not kidding he getting mad and say names and see that I'm crazy he tried to understand my needs while he say its bad and you have to forgot bad need like that so I stop answer all his question and that's what getting him mad at me and after that I told him its just crazy thought I'm not like that to make him calm down but I'm still need it badddddddddddddddddddly crrrrrrrrrrry I have crying since yestrday since we have got a fight and he stop talking with me because he is really angry he thought I don't tell him all and how I need him bad guy with me but I meant strict I couldn't tell him in details sure and when I told about spanking I said I think its going to hurt to not let him ask me HOW U LIKE IT :( HELP PLEASE I have fed up with that and I asked for it finally

Cat1864 · Dec 8, 2011, 02:58 PM

Give him some time to calm down. Remember this is a shock to him.

While you are letting him calm down, think about his reaction and whether you can spend the rest of your life possibly denying your needs if he can't or won't understand them. Does this have any affect on how you feel about him?

Merrr1 · Dec 8, 2011, 03:10 PM

Yes I began to deny it already I act as I don't need it and I told him I didn't mean what I have said to make him calm down but inside my heart I felt so so badly I need it I couldn't expect he wouldn't understand crrrrrrrrrrrrrrry I thought sure he going to like it