[Jordan A]

Hey you guys, what's up!
So here is the thing. My girlfriend and I been dating for a whole year now. We had lots and lots of fun, romantic nights, and happy relationship. Yes we had some argues and stuff, its normal in any healthy relationship ! But we truly love each other.
She lives with me for about 6 months now.

Summer came and we aren't living together anymore do to visiting and traveling.
Since summer, we had lots and lots of fights. She says that I'm clingy and ask too much questions and being jealous a lot ! She says that I always make her feel depressed and she feels unconformable talking to me and chatting. She doesn't call me baby or sweetie or love you that much now. She constantly pick on and calling me bad names and really hurt my feelings every time we have an argument!
Three times she said that she wants some space. First one I cried and begged her ( I know, big mistake ) she said fine. The other 2 I gave her her space. Every time we grow apart she calls texts me the next day and says she missed me and wants me back.

Every time we get in a fight. I apologize and promise her to be a better man next time. I change, but she says I Didn't see you that you've changed! I still feel irritated when I talk to you and you make me mad at every little thing !
She took me for granted this summer. She called me really hurtful names and I just forgive her and take her back and says its OK !
Last night, I called her up. I was really nice and funny, but I felt in her voice that she's not interested at all. Out of the blue, she said that she can't handle me anymore and she fed up with me being her man. And she doesn't want me to be her friend either. Man I cried! And said to her you promised me that you will give me a chance! She said I still don't see you that you have changed. I respected her wished and said goodbye.

Today. I got a text from her saying that she was just joking and fooling around. I got mad and told her that this isn't funny at all! I have feelings and you don't get to play with it. She got mad and said I'm sorry for texting you !

After 3 hrs. She texts me back and said she wasn't joking at all! But she missed me and wants me back. But she doesn't want to apologize for what she did. Now as I'm writing this letter. She texts me saying that she's crying and can't live without, and wants me back.

Look guys. I'm really a jealous guy, and I love talking to her all the time. I'm clingy I admit it. I forgive her really fast. I ADORE her, give her lots and lots of presents. Take her to different places. Whenever she needs something or wants something I work hard to do it or get it. I Cheer her up. She's my very first love =')

She got this pride, and she adores me so much. Takes care of me, she's a good girlfriend !
She had 3 bad relationships that left her heartbroken.

And I'm the first nice guy that she ever met So I don't know what to do! I don't want to lose her because I really love her, and at the same time want to teach her a lesson that she would never take me for granted again!

[Cat1864]

Both of you need to end the game playing by staying apart for awhile. She doesn't seem to know what she wants and you need to work on your own issues of jealousy, clinging, etc. You each have a lot of work to do before either of you are going to be ready to be in a stable relationship.

When you start saying you want to teach the other person a 'lesson' for any reason, you need to take a step back and walk away. You are only adding to the problems.

End the confusion instead of creating more. Do not get involved with her or anyone else until you can control your own negative urges (the jealousy and clinging.) Understand they stem from insecurities in yourself. She hasn't helped, but it is your own actions and reactions you can control, not hers.

Get involved in things that help you feel good about yourself and raise your self-esteem. Build up a support system that does not include a girlfriend. Date and have fun. Let go of expectations of a long term relationship. Work on your communication and social skills. Build up your confidence in yourself. It takes work, but it will help in your future relationships.

Encourage her to work on her issues and discourage her from contacting you. Both of you use No Contact to heal and let go of the past. Go forward instead of backing up or running in place. Give yourselves time and space to become more stable emotionally.

I am not saying it will be easy. It won't be, but it will be worth it.

[talaniman]

I am old school. I would rather say what I mean, and mean what I say, than play games about feelings. Look, you both have personal issues, and for sure need some work, but a relationship requires honesty, and communications, NOT games to get even, or teach lessons. If you cannot talk, and set rules, and boundaries of good behavior, even in the ways you disagree (yes fighting, and arguing have rules), then I fail to see the point of being together.

Be aware though, that when you express your feelings about rules and boundaries, she will have her own feelings as to what's acceptable, and what's not. That's where listening comes in, and that's also a part of communicating together, talking, AND listening.

Good luck.

[whit17]

Man, that type of thing is hard. Ill pray for you