[bella99]

I don't know what section this belongs in because it is so confusing. My mom passed away August 31 last year - she had lung cancer so we knew it would happen eventually but she was in good health and it sort of happened fast. After that I spent a lot of time visiting my dad (who is in good health) and making sure he was OK.

Beginning of June he tells me he is dating someone - well OK I know he doesn't want to be alone, and at least he will have someone to hang out with - I live 1.5 hours away so its hard on me to come up 1 or 2 times a week to stay with him.

Just tonight - in the middle of a conversation he tells me that she moved in with her dog and cat and they are engaged. Ummm so they have been seeing each other for only 2 months. My mom hasn't been gone yet for even a year! Besides that - my dad is 56 and she is 33. I'm 28 - it makes me feel VERY awkward. I have met her only 1 time - my grandmom fell and broke her hip 2 weeks ago - my dad brought her to the hospital and I was there. Then the 3 of us went to dinner - she didn't say a word to me - ask me anything about myself or anything. It was the most awkward 45 minutes of my life.

So, my dad is now living and engaged to a complete stranger - and now my dad whom I have spent an ungodly amount of time with the last 11 months seems like a stranger too.

In the last 11 months - he has only visited me 3 times - he has borrowed a lot of money from me and barely paid me back - and never even seems to bother to ask me how I'm doing. It has taken me this long to realize he is incredibly selfish.

Any ideas on how I might react - I'm at a loss. I don't feel appreciated and I don't feel like he cares - I do feel like he is making a giant mistake. I also feel like distancing myself from him for a while. Any ideas?

[Fr_Chuck]

It is not your choice and it appears he is not looking for your approval, nor should he honestly.

So he is marring a younger girl, now that he is alone.
It does not mean he did not love or care for your mom.
I will assume he was not seeing her before your mom died.

So he is rushing in and making a mistake, it is his to make.
He is also most likely marrying a younger women, because he does not want someone older, who is more likely to die before him. ( not that anyone knows but it is common)

And he is a man, would you want a good looking younger women, ( hot ?) or would you want a old lady? If you really had a choice

So visit your dad like you always did, it sounds like being a hour away, you seldom visit him anyway?? Or did you stop seeing him also when mom died? Did he lose her and you at the same time?

But you are not required to like her, just be polite and love you dad and see him. If you do not wish to loan him money in the future don't

[bella99]

No I visited every single weekend and sometimes during the week even though I was an hour and half away. I would be at least less put off by this if I even knew her a little bit, but I haven't even had the chance to have a conversation. So now, there is a stranger living at my dad's house.

It definitely is his mistake to make - but unfortunately his mistakes still take their toll on his kids - and my relationship with him will be completely different.

[Wondergirl]

but i haven't even had the chance to have a conversation.

What about that 45-minute dinner? You tried to converse with her, but she would have nothing to do with you?

[Fr_Chuck]

And why does your relationship with him have to be different,
I guess I have trouble with the fact you visited every weekend, and during the week, for these months, when did your dad date this girl ? Why doing all of these months did he not tell you all about her.

And perhaps she has some of the same feelings

But I will be honest, I married a much younger lady ( Hi Toni) And one of my 4 grown boys did not like it, but then it was my choice to make, not his, and it was my life I did not want to live alone.

And of course it may not be a mistake, they may be together for 30 years and have a wonderful life, heck, you may get a new step brother. So you have to chose how to progress, my advice, go and try to make her feel welcome, try and make her feel like part of the family