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lostmumof2 · Aug 8, 2011, 06:42 AM

I don't know where to start,
I just want to die. My whole life is just falling apart.
I have two little kids, My boyfriend and I have just finished again.
I have no family support cause my family fell apart 15yrs ago when my mum threw my dad out and moved in another woman. We got bullied terrible and my brother went off the rails and I got taken into care, my little sister has hated me since and makes my life hell, spreading lies about me. And I think its for that reason people keep picking on me as we live in a very small town, a woman attacked me over a kids toy and I hit her back and now we are both up in court for assault, then I was out one night and this girl just punched me in the face and busted my nose.
Everything is just getting out of control, my boyfriend says I must be hiding something from him as to why nobody likes me. But there isn't I just feel like the world is against me.
This is only the tip of the iceberg I just can't go on any more.. my life is pure hell...

Aurora_Bell · Aug 8, 2011, 06:53 AM

Hey Lost. I'm really sorry you are going through this. I wish I had some magical words of wisdom I could lend to you so things would get better.

I am also a single mom, and boy it's hard isn't it? I recently went through a rough time when I felt I had no one in my life for support. I was disliked emensly by my co-workers, my friends had all abandoned me when I got pregnant, and my parents and I were not speaking. I guess in all of that I realized that you can't reley on anyone to make you happy, only you can make you happy.

Do you have the means to see a threapist? I am sure that there are people out there who like you. Sometimes those people are hard to see when you have spent so much time around all the toxic people in your life. I am in no way condoning running away from your problems, but sometimes a fresh start can be the best thing for a person. Maybe there is just too much bagage where you are now, and a reinvention of yourself, surrounding yourself with people who are in your situation or in a better place in their lives can help you see where you need and want to be.

adviceishere · Aug 8, 2011, 07:00 AM

You poor thing. You need support and lots of it. We're all here to listen to you and share our advice.

It may be in your best interest to visit your doctor and talk this out with him/her. You sound depressed and that's not good for you or your children. Your doctors office will have a lot of information also on support groups you can join, mother and children support groups and just people to talk to and help you feel like your not alone. Because you are not alone, there IS people out there that will want to help you and just be that shoulder to leen on.

I think visiting your doctor is the first step you should take right now! After visiting another little door will open for your next step and another and so on.

lostmumof2 · Aug 8, 2011, 07:07 AM

Thank you Aurora_Bell...
This is really helpful, I have been trying to make up my mind if I should move back to the city where I was before I got pregnant, I have a couple of friends there but most of all I feel a ton has been lifted when I go visit there.
I just am worried about moving my kids. Especially my daughter, I moved her to the city so I could go to college and then I moved her back when I here, it means moving her again.
But what kind of life will she have with a depressed mum that she knows people don't like.
Am I just running away..

adviceishere · Aug 8, 2011, 07:15 AM

I don't see any problem with leaving behind a life you hate that's making you ill, I wouldn't call that running away. I would call it a fresh start and self help to a new and better you.

lostmumof2 · Aug 8, 2011, 07:15 AM

Thank you adviceishere,
But I've been to my doctor cause I had really bad postnatal depression and put on anti-depressant's,
But I didn't like them, they made me feel weird so I saw a councilor. Who said because I was so anxious that I was going to pass that on to my kids an she spent most of the time talking about them.. I feel like I've tried everything.. I just want to give up.. its really not worth the pain anymore...

Aurora_Bell · Aug 8, 2011, 07:16 AM

Hey kids are resiliant, what she needs more then a home town is a moma who isn't sad! I was a military brat, that meant lots of moves. I went to 5 different high schools in 3 years! I turned out great if I do say so myself :D

I don't think you are running away, now if the same things happen in the city, I think it's time to re-evaluate your life and the decisions in it :)

In order to be the best mom you can be to your babies, you need to be the best for you, and that means taking care of yourself emotionally.

adviceishere · Aug 8, 2011, 07:18 AM

You seemed to perk up a little when aurora bell spoke of making a fresh start for yourself and your children, maybe this is for you. Children adjust quite well to new surroundings when they're with their family. You are your children's family, its you and them against the world.

Aurora_Bell · Aug 8, 2011, 07:29 AM

Your kids certainly are worth the pain. Imagine the lifetime of pain and neglect and abandonment they would feel if they lost you. You need to be there for them. That's the one thing about being a parent, as soon as your child comes into this world, your life is no longer all about you.

I know it's hard to see that things can and will get better from the view you have now. That's why a relocation might just help you see that light a little better.

lostmumof2 · Aug 8, 2011, 07:29 AM

Ya I think it really is the best choice for me.. Im just worried about my kids.
I've been so depressed since I moved back here 3yrs ago.. I'm not the person or mother I was before I moved back here.
Last time my boyfriend and I split up I decided I was going back for a fresh start but he convinced me to give him another chance but he's let me down again..
And its messing with the kids heads when he moves in and out as he pleases..
As well as mine.. I think your right a new fresh start is needed..

Aurora_Bell · Aug 8, 2011, 07:31 AM

I'm glad you are being strong and are able to see that an in and out dad is no good for anyone. The hardest thing is to leave your partner and take on the whol responsibility thing yourself. You can do it. If I can, anyone can! :)

We're here to bounce ideas off. Most of us are addcited to the site and can't leave even if we wanted to :p

adviceishere · Aug 8, 2011, 07:31 AM

I'm excited for you!! I really am! I think this is going to be great! Keep us posted on the progress you WILL make.

lostmumof2 · Aug 8, 2011, 07:36 AM

Thank you both..
I no I might feel like giving up somedays but id never do anything that would hurt my kids like that.. I know I'm there life and I'm all they really have..
I think I just need to bite the bullet and take my life back.. I feel like I've lost these 3yrs and I don't want 2 lose anymore.
I want to be happy again.

adviceishere · Aug 8, 2011, 07:53 AM

You will be happy again! And I like what you said about taking YOUR life back, this is your life and don't let anyone dictate your happiness. At they moment they are dictating it. You can do this! You're in control of your own happiness.

lostmumof2 · Aug 22, 2011, 07:34 AM

Aw please help.. you wer so nice to talk to a few weeks ago.. everythin is getting orse an worse eachday. I decided not to move... I just can't help but feel its not the right thing 2 do.. but my ex is just turned in2 a psycho.. he rang me out of the blue last night at 12am telling me he wants everythin he paid 4 in our house including the bed.. he said some really nasty stuff so I hung up an I text him saying I really don't understand why you are so angry can we not get along 4 our little boys sake.. an he replied "i havent even started to be a **** yet so watch out" I REALLY don't no what to do..? I can't help but wish I didn't have any responsibility's so I could just end it all.. an to top it all off my dad stole money from me yesterday.. money that I borrowed cause I'm so broke.. its just all getting too much I'm getting it from all corners...

Aurora_Bell · Aug 22, 2011, 08:17 AM

Hey Lost, wow I am sorry things have not improved for you. So is moving totally out of the question now? You seemed so happy with the thought of starting fresh. I don’t think you should throw that idea away just yet. What was it that made you decide it was a bad idea? Moving is scary and of course you are going to have second thoughts, just make sure you are listening to your heart.

You should call the police and make a formal complaint. They may not be able to do anything right away, cyber stalking laws are touchy at best. Make sure you save every email or voicemail he leaves for you.

He does have a right to ask for the things he bought back, but maybe you could come to some sort of amicable agreement like you paying for half of it when you have some money. Make sure you get this in writing. Does he pay child support? Maybe you could deduct the payments from what he is supposed to pay you? If he does not pay child support, get yourself to the closest family law office and apply asap! You will also need to get yourself a custody agreement in place if you don't already have one.

redhed35 · Aug 22, 2011, 08:51 AM

You need help, someone in real time, its just too much right now for you to deal with, so you need someone to help you and its going to be hard to ask for that help, but it's the only way.

Where to get help.

Family, I know what you said, but your in dire straits now time to build some bridges, say sorry to family members even if you feel you did nothing wrong, I'm talking cap in hand stuff here, you can't afford pride right now, you need to reach out.

Church, even if your not religious check out any church in your area, ask for help, not money, help for someone to talk on your behalf, perhaps talk to any lenders and set up a payment you can afford.

Family support groups, look in the papers, notice boards the church, find out where they are and who they are.

Citizens advice, if there's one in your area get in contact with them, they can help lots of things.

Your doctor, get yourself to the doctor your at breaking point, he/she can put you in contact with a consellor and check out your meds situation.

Social welfare offices are full of people who have lots of knowlegde, go in or call and say I'm looking for information on housing, legal aid or what ever you need advice on.. you don't have to have a social welfare payment to ask for information.

Your neighbours... reach out, ask for help you need a friend.

The police, another good source of information.

Its time for action you need a plan and you need action, get to it.

Aurora_Bell · Nov 16, 2011, 12:49 PM

I think about this OP all the time. I wonder how she is making out... I wish she would come back and update us.

lostmumof2 · Nov 16, 2011, 03:13 PM

Hey...

Thanks 4 caring.. :)
Im back together with my boyfriend..
Things are a lot better this time.
My sister moved away and I stay away for the crowd she was palls wit,
An since she left my mum an I are getting on the best in 15yrs.. though I made up and saw my sister off when she was leaving cause I felt it was the right thing to do as I'm not sure if she'l ever be back..
My boyfriends job is finishing up soon so we have applied 4 visas to Oz..
So a lot has changed and I feel a lot more positive..

Aurora_Bell · Nov 16, 2011, 06:11 PM

Wow, I'm glad to hear things are coming together for you. And thank YOU for coming back to keep us updated. I really hope everything works out for you and your boyfriend in OZ. I'm so glad to hear you are in a better place! Sometimes certain people stick out in your mind, and I just thought about you from time to time. Weird how people you have never met can do that to a person! Please come back and keep us posted, look around the other boards and see if you can answer some questions with us :)