[Confused333]

My husband said he loves me but doesn't respect me therefore doesn't want to live with me he asked me to file for divorce... I did everything to save our marriage through out the 7 years he has tried nothing to show me he cares he tells me he loves me and I can't let go of him... He stays out with buddies till 2am every night goes has his fun and comes home to sleep he claims he's fine with living like this until our son grows up ( we have a 4year old) His family doesn't like me and he's disrespected my family on many occasions in the past where I still took him back and wanted to work on the marriage we have been to marriage counseling nothing has helped us please help.
I filed for divorce three days ago and with a lot of heartache am very confused and scared. He blames me for reading texts and e-mails... This is because I didn't trust him. He goes to co-ed spas, nightclubs, Stays out till 2am drinking and thinks nothing is wrong. Yet this obviously is no ground for divorce right? I feel bad for my son. His family always says Im not materialistic and don't understand value of a brand name. ( this is a negative?) My family always says its all about materialism with them no heart and no soul. Him and I come from different backgrounds. The other day when I said I took you back after you completely this respected and kicked my parents out of our house 3 years ago and now you want a divorce over e-mails he said YES. If it's not this reason another will come up next year so lets just do it while our son is young.

[twinkiedooter]

You can't make someone love you and you can't hold on to someone who wants out. Don't beat yourself up over this as you have tried for 7 years with no success. Some men just don't know what marriage really is until they try it and some can't handle the responsibility of going home at a reasonable time. He may already have another gal in mind as wife #2 if he stays out till 2AM every night.

At least once the divorce is final you won't have to worry about if he's coming home or not.

[Confused333]

Well, He swears there is no one in his life and he just wants a normal wife... whatever that means, one who cooks, cleans, watches the baby and doesn't nag. ( he considers nagging the fact that I ask him so when do you think you'll be home?) He considers nagging when I say There are 1000 spas out there why go to a co-ed one. He considers nagging when I say that you always make plans with your buddies never us.
He is I think that everyone believing he is too immature and wasn't ready for marriage, his family wanted us to live with them at the beginning I didn't he still brings that up during arguments.

[twinkiedooter]

He definitely has a bad case of immature and his folks must know this otherwise they would not have wanted you two to live with them.

Do you want to stop nagging and try to save this pathetic excuse of a marriage? If yes, then do not ask him when he's coming home and see if he even notices this or not. Also, does he hang around macho types who demean their wives? That could also be a huge contributing factor in how he acts. Right now you are essentially a place to eat and a place to sleep with the bonus of someone doing his laundry and making sure bills are paid.

Does this guy have a for real job he has to be at in the morning or does he go to school or just live off mom and pop?

How old is this guy anyway? Also, how does his father treat his mother? Is she a stay at home clean freak who stays in the background groveling to her husband?

[Confused333]

Well, he has 2 family businesses, basically one is an office type with his family and the other a eatery with his family... He manages both at his convinience he claims he's at the eatery when he comes late but then Id call him around 11ish and he would be a buddies house.
Yes he does have friends who don't care for what their wives say and his mother was the same. But the difference is his father would screw around then throw a diamond in moms face and she would shut up Im not materialistic. All the men at work are even advising me to leave him. He has the mentality that if I have a kid no one will ever look at me again.

[Confused333]

He's 30, has an older sister never married. He was the one who was after me when I didn't care for him for 3 years before marriage once we got married everything changed it was like OK now you are my property I can go hang out with my single buddies again.

[twinkiedooter]

Family owned biz means he can get away with working when he feels like it. Now had he had a for real job that he has to show up at he'd have been fired a long time ago.

Sounds like spoiled Little Lord Fauntleroy has a lot of growing up to do.

Have you consulted with an attorney about this yet? Sorry, I re-read your original post and you DID file! Hooray for you! YOu need to do this while you are still in control of the situation (you are believe it or not in control, not him right now). Don't leave the marital home under any circumstances if you two own it jointly as you could forefeit your control over what happens to the home.

Get a divorce, child support and the home if possible awarded to you.

You need to take the previous tax returns filed jointly with him and make copies and keep them in a safe place outside of your home say with your parents as he will definitely try to make a hell of a lot less in the future seeing as it's a family owned biz where they can pay him off the books, etc. and get away with it so he doesn't have to pay you the proper child support owed.

He will never grow up. I've seen those types of guys before and believe me, they don't grow up, they just become worse and worse. Pretty soon he's going to start bouncing you off the walls as you keep nagging him. I've seen that before as well. Get him now while he's relatively "new" to this abuse stuff.

Mama's little darling can do no wrong so don't bother talking about this to his folks as they won't hear you.

[Confused333]

The Family Condo originally purchased was sold to a friend of ours but we still live there, we bought it at a terrible time where prices were way too high so we short sold to a friend. He will not leave the house as his mother probably told him not to since they put in a 50k down paymnt.
He said "I can live like this no prob, while our son is still young" he even comes in at 2am and lays next to me --- going to sleep" I asked him if he has no pride he says nope and goes to sleep. He is driving me up the wall. I don't want that condo because Ill be psychologically going crazy with everything reminding me of the 7 year marriage he said if you don't want to live like this there is the door.
My parents live out of state and he will not allow me to take my child out of state with me. Plus I don't want my son to suffer not seeing his father. He told me Ill pay for your rent and daycare the rest you are on your own. He makes 3 times as much as I do yet only shows that he makes about 2k more than I do. ( Family business) not under his name. All under sister and dad. My attorney ( yes I signed papers tuesday) said that he can get him out of the house he I want but honestly I will go crazy in that house and can't sell it anyway because its under his buddies name now.
He wants Joint Custody I want full he will probably drive me up the wall with that as well... hire an attorney and knowing I can't afford to fight so much completely put me in debt. ( he already stopped paying on my cc 4 months ago claiming will get a debt consolidation) he set me up preety well.

[Confused333]

Last night I made dinner and dumb me offered he completely ignored me jumped in the shower and went to sleep.

[twinkiedooter]

How big of him to pay rent and daycare! What a champ! He DOES have to pay child support even with shared custody.

Can you prove how much he really makes?

If so, give info to your attorney asap.

He will end up paying a lot more than rent and child care in the end if you can prove just how much he makes.

Have your attorney get a hearing for Temporary Support and Custody and also serve him with Financial Interrogatories AND Request for Production of Documents showing how much he makes.

If he gets an attorney chances are this will be a knock down drag it out proceeding. I've seen such suits like this when I was a paralegal in several different family law attorney's offices in Florida and Ohio.


Skip the condo then if you don't want to live there. Just as well.

Try to be as quiet as a mouse around him so as not to rile him into any kind of a brawl situation as you know you will lose physically.

Has he ever hit you with a fist or open hand? If so, then you COULD seek a temporary restraining order keeping him away from you and your son should you move out of the home. Keep that in mind.

I loved his debt consolidation scam. That's okay as if you have a good attorney that CAN be fixed, don't despair on this.

Has he been served with the divorce papers yet?

I know you don't want shared custody but if you don't go along with that scenerio I forsee him giving you a very rough road to hoe in the future over this. Men's egos are extremely fragile during any divorce proceeding even if they don't care about the child except to brag to his buddies he's got shared custody. It's not set in stone but is a pain in the behind shuttling the kid around to each others residences for so many days a week, etc. He'll find it's more like "work" and sooner or later stop showing up for his visits to take sonny to be with him. AND he just can't take sonny along to his buddies' parties, hanging out, etc. where ever he goes at 12 and 1AM as the kid is supposed to be home in bed asleep at those times. This is where you can go back to court and get full custody as I don't see him staying home and playing daddy. He'll probably dump sonny off for mom and dad to take care of (I've seen this scenerio too many times).

[Confused333]

My attorney just got the court papers today so he will be served Monday. We are going to go into the custody battle I just know it.
I can't really prove that he makes more it's a family bus. Everythign under the table. He only raised his hand on me once when we were separated a few years ago. Plus I don't really want my son to be tramatized.
Can you believe I still cry over this marriage? Why is it I feel this way I don't know I was actually hoping for advice on reconciliation turns out you are telling me like every one around me I can't hold on to this anylonger I need to run!!
Its very unfortunate that I can't get over this and am so weak!

[Confused333]

What if I wanted to get out of state is that very difficult?

[twinkiedooter]

He CAN make your life hell to leave the state if he wishes to right now and later after the divorce as well but it CAN be done.

Seems like you're having the typical "divorce blues" over this marriage. Quite common as you can't accept the fact the marriage was a failure and feel you are to blame for it. You must remember it takes TWO to make a marriage and he's just not into it and never will be with you OR anyone else as he can't grow up and face reality (thank you mom and dad for ruining your son).

Ever hear of Joyce Meyer? She has a good audio book out about not having to keep getting everyone else's approval on things. You could download this if your local library has a website and you have a library card. She is a very level headed preacher who straightened ME out when I needed it most (won't go into that right now) but suffice it to say that this book will do you a lot of good. I'll look for the audio book's title .

http://emedia.clevnet.org/CD39873E-3...1-3B7DF76D6CC5

This is the link for it on CLEVNET the Cleveland Public Library downloadable audio books, ebooks, etc. Let me know if you'd like to download it and I'll tell you how you can for free.

[Confused333]

So there is no hope in this marriage, I get that but what if he starts dating again and that woman starts mis treating my son, I think that this is one of my major fears along with finance.

[twinkiedooter]

That's the chance you have to take with anything in life there is no guarantee she would treat him badly.

[Confused333]

My soon to be Ex will receive his paperwork today Im really scared as to how he will react I claimed his businesses as community property as well. I gave him one night with Son every week and every other weekends leaving Saturday morning coming back Sunday night. Yet I still think he is going to go crazy. How should I react to him?

[twinkiedooter]

Are you planning on moving elsewhere after he is served or do you intend on staying in the condo? If you plan on staying I would suggest you keep your cell phone handy to call 911 when he explodes (as he will) and possibly hurts you. If he does strike you, definitely call the police and press charges. Don't prod or entice him however as that will just make him explode all over you. He is very immature and will not accept your total rejection of him as being HIS fault and will lash out at you.

Don't ignore him but tell him to contact your attorney and bit%ch at him instead.

If your attorney feels you are in danger by staying there, by all means leave and live elsewhere taking your son with you.

[Confused333]

I think that he is smarter than that to hurt me phisically I think that he will get an attorney himself and try to fight me until we are both broke.
Im not sure if he will actually talk to me about it or not, he will definilty get some good advice from mom and pop. "don't do anyhting honey she's crazy" kind of thing. Im really nervous about what is ahead and if I will get full custody or not.

[twinkiedooter]

You are underestimating him. Don't be anywhere near him once he is served.

[Confused333]

Well, he is getting served at work today so we'll see once he gets served of the reaction. I think that he is going to look thorough everything and then have problems that I listed the family bus. In there.
I had to otherwise I can never be sure that he will continue paying my rent once we move on this is what he says now but a year later... I just needed to be covered. Both for me and my son.
Im really afraid of the reaction not that he might hit me but that he might take me to court to fight me to the bone. His entire support system is here mom dad sister uncle I don't have anyone.except a few friends. My parents live out of state.