[aries85]

I am a 28 year old virgin female. I don't really know why, I just am. I have had boyfriends in the past and all they wanted to do was have sex with me. I don't want to over dramatize but every girl wants their first time to be somewhat special. I am NOT asking for a candlelit dinner, walk on the beach, bla bla bla just to do it with someone special whether it be a boyfriend or a good friend. I am very sexual in other ways and am in no way shy, so what is wrong with me? I have lots of guy friends some of them have approached me for sex but they were either married and I would NEVER be the other woman. Some of them I am not sexually attracted to, by the way none of them know that I am a virgin. A few of my girlfriends I have told and seem so shocked as they thought of me as experienced. I have never lied to them about having sex I just see it as a fun thing and it comes up in multiple conversations so they just assumed I guess. I am, and this sounds silly, afraid to tell any guy that I am interested in that I am a virgin. Should I tell them? I am pretty confused.. I know there are other adult virgins out there I just feel alone sometimes. Any input is appreciative.

[adviceishere]

I don't think there is anything wrong with you, in fact, more people should be like you! I wish I waited for someone special.

I wouldn't go telling guys you're a virgin, at least not just any guy, when that someone special comes along then tell him. It will make the whole experience extra special, for him included, because you waited for him.

[redhed35]

In this day and age its wise to be picky about who you want to have sex with, sex IS a big deal.

Your certainly not alone, I have two adult friends who are both virgins, both in their early 30's, for each of them they just never found a guy they were happy to be that intimate with.

I agree with adviceishere, you don't have to tell anyone, its none of their business, as for telling guys, again, none of their business.

When you do meet someone special the time getting to know each other and letting the relationship grow, you won't have any problem telling him, because you will trust him, sex and trust should go hand in hand, sex on its own is empty and leaves you feeling like crap.

Treasure your virginity, you have set a high standard for yourself and that is admirable.

[fisk]

I know exactly how you feel- I was in the same situation. Wondering if you've taken the wrong decision waiting that long, why you're not like everyone else and what would everybody else say about it. The only thing I can tell you is that since you have waited for so long, it would be such a shame if you lost it now for just any guy. And the most important thing is not to think about it when you meet new people. I also looked experienced and my boyfriend was shocked when I told him I was a virgin-but in a good way.
What made me take that extra step with him? It felt right. All those feelings that I had when I met other guys were wrong. I wasn't thinking if I should do it or not, it just felt good.
It is noone's business though. Not even your friends. Your closest ones, yes, it's part of who you are. But not anyone. Sex has become such a commmon thing but it shouldn't be. It's private and personal.

[HotHoneyVintage]

Hello,

If you look on this site (including a question I posted myself) you can see this question comes up A LOT on here, so you're not alone. I am also an adult virgin, 31, so older than you. From what I can gather there is almost always a reason WHY you are still a virgin at this age, barring religious reasons. Maybe you are too afraid to confront those reasons? Maybe you were sexually assaulted, like me? Maybe you have trust issues? I don't know. For my part I can only say I pretty much feel dismayed by the whole dating thing and don't even bother, not to be discouraging. My favorite answer that people give is: "oh, it's no one's business, they don't have to know you're a virgin!" Oh really -- after a few dates or even a few weeks sex comes up, so how are they not going to know unless you plan on lying? As like me, I'm sure you weren't planning on shouting it from the rooftops but to pretend sex just won't come up while navigating dating, is ridiculous. I have no advice on how to tell a guy you're a virgin in our age group, I got negative reactions/rude responses from guys, so I threw in the towel and try to just be single. I am still searching what my problem is about sex/intimacy. But good luck to you.

[Fr_Chuck]

Perhaps find a better pick of man to date, ( esp if you are ending up with several married ones that want to have sex with you)

[batmansmom]

Hi Aries85! There is nothing wrong with ANY of us. We are just patient! A little too patient:-). I am still waiting for Mr. Right but starting to think Mr. Right now will have to do... ugh. Are there any good guys out there?
I am putting together a support group and working on a project about Adult Virginity (18 and over). If anyone is interested please let me know. It is going to be an awesome project.
Thanks!!

[HotHoneyVintage]

I'm adult virgin older than you too. 31. I think it's all bullsh*t when people say "oh just be patient, Mr. Right is right around the corner!" I used to believe that crap when I was 19, then 25, and then 30. Yea, right after awhile it's starts become a big joke. People will talk like there's some magical land where the 'good men' are and you should look there instead of where you been -- except there is no place like that and you're looking the same places all the other women are. Most of the men think it's red flags all over the place when women is virgin this long (exception being religious reasons). They usually will move on to the next one soon as see they're not getting laid in a 'timely fashion.' Now, some people will write it off as "negative," I don't care I call it like I see it and that's what I have experience over and over again.

[twinkiedooter]

My son's Russian girlfriend is a virgin and she's 29 almost 30. She just wants to save it for when she gets married and she feels this is something a proper woman should do. Simple enough but she won't give up waiting either. She was even stood up at the altar by one jerk and had another jerk live at her home and have his girlfriends leave cookies for him with his "sister". She just couldn't find the right man for her who does not think with his male member only and who wanted to get married. She found my son through a fluke and will happily wait for him as he wants to get married and can't find anyone over there to marry, let alone go out with.

I feel that there is way too much media hype about sex, having kids when not married, etc. coloring young people's thinking that it is perfectly wrong to wait until they are married to indulge in this type of behavior. These people want this stuff now with no commitments to the other person. They will find out that this is not what lasts in a relationship. (sex, that is)

[missjade]

Being a virgin is great and I can tell you from experience now that I am sexually active it is less menacing on the brain. Lol. Stay that way that way you are never worrying about anything. If you're period skips you know you aren't pregnant. You don't have to worry about broken condoms and rather or not your birth control works. I will be honest I was an adult virgin and I didn't have sex until I was absolutely ready. I had always said when I lost it I would lose it to someone who knew what they were doing. I've never needed for someone to be special. But I'm a different kind of female, I'm not that sentimental. It was just about being completely ready, it's another dimension of being when you are mentally. And I'm not talking about horny at all. You know you are ready and there is no questioning it. When I became ready I wasn't horny, I hadn't had any sexual interactions, I didn't watch any porn or masterbate the night before that morning. I didn't dream about sex and wasn't thinking about it at all. I woke up and immediately knew the growth. I didn't go out and have sex either. I waited until I found someone who was unmarried and whom I instantly knew I wanted to sleep with. I told him I was a virgin and at first he didn't believe me but he looked at me when I repeated myself and then he did believe every word I said. It was a wonderful night, and funnily it was pain free. We were together for four and a half years, for reasons not relevant to this snippet we aren't together. But until this day he still loves me. Sex is wonderful when you wait until you know that you are ready, and you won't have to question rather or not you truly know. It's truly another level of living when you are ready within yourself. But when you are ready don't just go out and do it. Don't have sex with someone just because you think you love them, or because you think they are special. The guy I had wanted to have sex with before I became ready I was totally in love with. We are best friends and I still have not slept with him and I never will. I chose not to go there with him though in the past I had wanted to because I loved him. Being ready you don't do it because you are in love you do it because you yourself are ready for all that sex means. Having sex tied to a myriad of emotions is unhealthy for many reasons we know. Which is why a lot of men prefer not to take a woman's virginity because the girl becomes clingy and too emotionally dependent. I'm not saying you need to be emotionally unattached. But from experience it makes sex a lot more fun and you can break without having those emotional hang ups because you gave yourself to someone. Have high self worth. Don't do it until you are ready, don't have sex with every guy you call your boyfriend even when you are ready. Exercise great discretion, be careful. Not having sex is stress free. Let it be that way, don't care what others think, don't fret about men. Men also don't fret about women. It's a personal choice. I personally decided to lose mines and it was freaking awesome and it has been ever since because I'm open to it. Sex is much more than about pleasure, it's mental and it's spiritual. WAIT! Until you can handle it on all levels. And never let anyone pressure you into losing it. And know that any guy that can't wait for you doesn't deserve you at all. There is absolutely nothing wrong with you honey. NOTHING! Stay a virgin, stay pure in that sense. But when you decide to do it, make sure it's with someone that will totally rock your world that way you will have absolutely no regrets lol. I know I surely don't. Lol.

[joypain35]

Wow- Yes I am older then most of you. Mainly for religious reasons. Any guy who doesn't thiink you are absolutely wonderful and it is an extreme honor to be with you is a loser and only wants you for sex. Actually several guys told me that being a virgin makes me more attractive. By the way I am told I am physically attractive, not mentally ill and not fat so there is no problem getting it in case anyone is wondering