[jim t i]

Moved to its own thread


Me and my girlfriend have been together 8 years, and now we are on a break while she decides if she loves me or not. It's not quite as simple as that though. She is suffering from depression. We have been building a house together for the last 2 years, and while we have been doing that, we have been living with her parents, who are lovely people, but still, we were missing out on personal space, also, we were not near our friends. So there were pressures.

Also, I was not as supportive as I should have been to her. She looked after the bills, organised holidays, kept all the admin for building a house. I tried to get into building the house, but it was never a natural thing for me to do. Maybe we shouldn't have done it, I don't know, it doesn't matter, we did it.

Now I have moved out, and I haven't seen or spoken to her for a week. I am so filled with regret for all the things I now see I should have done, I have emailed her recently telling her this, but I feel like the more I email her telling her how guilty I feel, the more guilty she feels for making me wait, and if she is feeling guilty, she won't be able to figure this out for herself.

It's a ****ing mess and I miss her so much. Would appreciate some sensible advice, from people who know what they are talking about. Thank you very much.

[talaniman]

Quite doing the guilt tripping apology and get the house done. Two years? What are you doing this all by yourself? Get the help you need and get her done, because waiting for someone to accomplish a goal for 2 years, IS depressing.

What's the problem here guy? What's taking so long?

[answerme_tender]

When someone that you have been in a long time relationship actually has enough courage and honesty that they no longer know if they love you anymore then it is time to prepare yourself to move on with your life without them. It maybe too late to fix mistakes that have been done, but remember its never too late to learn from them for your future rather it be with her or someone else.

Have you tried to see if she is willing to go to counseling, it might do you both good or should I say it won't hurt!

If she isn't willing to go, you should still go for yourself. You have apologized to her verbally but just wondering are you showing her that you are willing to actually get this house done?

Any adult bases their mind up not just on words but their actions.

[vanheart]

"while she decides if she loves me or not"

Screw that. She should have been the one to leave not you.

It isn't about the house. What's the real reason? Actually it doesn't matter.

Healthy couples share in the responsibilities for everything. No guilt there.

If she is that depressed, then she should get help. Sometimes that's a nice excuse for not communicating.

Sounds like she never wanted it from the get go. Or is fed up.

Sorry it took so long for her to tell you.

You both either need to get to the bottom of this & emerge together, or end it.

A mutual decision.