[worrywart65]

I am 46 and my girlfriend is much younger at 22. We have been together since October last year and live some distance apart. I have been unable to work for sometime due to bi-polar, but am getting my life on track to start again but know I am going to need a mass of support. I am moving to be closer to family where I know support will be available and also for me to support my fast ageing parents.

I will with the move be closer to my girlfriend. She is very mature for her age and has an 'old' head on her. We have helped each other through some hard times over the last months. When we first met or a little after she told me she wanted a baby, nothing unusual about that and at first I was very open to it. As time has gone by I have begun stressing about this. I am much older and it concerns me being a father at an older age.

I worry about the bi-polar and the stresses and strains of supporting a family and the effect that could have on me health wise and on a family. I worry about being able to financially support a family as I will be on a very minimum wage when I start work, although she has said she would like to train to do some sort of beauty/health practice from home.

I don't handle stress well at all and instead of talking I shut down. I do love her, but I have begun to pull away as I am scared of taking, what I feel is a huge leap. We haven't spent a mass of time together really considering how long we have been together due to distance and finances, she thinks we have spent enough time together to move forward to the next stage which is living together. I don't think we have. I would like to move closer to be able to spend every weekend together or more, spontaneous time rather than planning journeys for a week or so together which makes it's own stresses as there is so much expectation and deadlines.

There is doubt in my mind as to whether this is what I want or if it is my stress and worry feeding things which has always made me batten down the hatches and hide.

We have fun together when I am not being a worry wart. We laugh a lot and have quite a few shared interests and even those we don't share we take an interest in.

I don't want to lose someone who is incredibly supportive and 'gets' me. She is gorgeous and such a good woman, loyal, honest and amazingly adores me. I know I am hurting her because I am stressing and I am withholding those little gestures that women love and make them feel loved.

Any views or thoughts would be appreciated.

[I wish]

What kind of future do you see with her? Do you see this going long term? Do you want it to last long term?

I think it's fair to say that you want to see how the relationship develops once you move closer to her. Even though she may be in a rush to get things going, it might suit your relationship to find a compromise. You can speed things up while she can slow things down. Meet somewhere halfway.

For you, I would say, if you really love her, then step it up. Put in more effort to build this relationship. As for her, if she really liked you, she would be patient with you.

Patience works well when there's consistent progress. If the relationship beings to stall, you can't blame her for being frustrated.

[rebeccahstrean]

The best bet I can say to you is communicate with her. Tell her what you want and ask her what she wants and then ask her if she can meet you in the middle to see if you two can meet in the middle to see if this is really going to work out. If your pushing this really hard on her your going to push her away. Some women need space, but not too much space. Just let her come to you but on the other hand you can go to her to. I know this sounds complicated but this is the only advice I could give you. If your confused about your relationship then you need to talk to her.

[88sunflower]

Were you feeling as much stress moving forward with her before she mentioned having a baby and living together? Maybe now that this is out on the table reality of your ages will hit. While it might work great right now and long distance you both might realize in the end you won't be compatible because of this. I am not at all in any way saying your ages are wrong and can't work. But being long distance its never been an issue to worry over. Now that its time to move forward and have all things young girls dream of your in the second half of your life so to speak. I don't think living together is so wrong. If it doesn't work big deal you move out. Would that be a hassle, yes. I think jumping in to parenting would be wrong. You should sit with her and put it all out on the table. Both of you. Wants and fears. You don't want to make a move and then regret it because you couldn't bring yourself to say anything. Besides what if she has the same fears and doesn't want to offend you? You don't know. Talk. About all of it.

[worrywart65]

You might have the wrong end of the stick with what I said... she is I suppose coming on very strong with me. I am the one who is somewhat pulling back. I need time to get to know someone and although dating for a nearly a year is a while, we haven't seen each for 365 days. It might actually be half of that or less due to distance. Thanks for your comment. :-)

[worrywart65]

Thanks for your comment. We have talked :-) Not sure if it has helped or not. My circumstances do not allow me to just move in with her. It would make more sense financially if I did, but I am lucky to be in social housing which is secure for life. I can move to another social housing without problem, but If give it up, as in move in with her, I will never get it back again. So if it all goes wrong within a month or so I will be basically homeless. Having already been homeless before, that is a big barrier for me.

[worrywart65]

Thanks for your comment. Wise words!

[88sunflower]

Is it possible she could or would move in with you? I know some of those housing situations its more money with more in the household. But love can be priceless if this is something to fight for she might be willing to take it on.