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crismunari01 · Jul 24, 2011, 10:47 AM

I have a very abusive fiancée. We are together for over ten years and he never married me. We have an 8 years old daughter and I have a 14 years old daughter from a previous relationship. His family is the reason for the break up. He is from Peru and families are very close, like clans. He wants his father with us all the time, and his father comes to visit every year and stays for several months. His father is an overbearing person who believes a should treat him like my master. Last years I had to tell his father to go because he started yelling and calling me names. My fiancée didn't like it and the problems started (again). I work but I only make 300,00 a week. I cannot possibly support the kids and pay rent. We have a house that we bought together. I love my children, and I don't want to leave them but he said that the girls can stay at the house which is very close to their schools. I once went to the nursing school but I fail in one class because I wasn't working and he didn't support financially. My fiancée is inmature and childish.
What do I do? I leave in Tennessee.

Fr_Chuck · Jul 24, 2011, 10:54 AM

The 14 year old will need to go to their father, if you do not want to keep the child with you. The step father has no legal right to the child.

Next you find and get government assistance ( welfare) to help with housing, food and other costs.

You file for divorce, get him to pay child support. Also you try and get 1/2 of all of the home and other money in the bank. ( including many wife's who leave with the kids take all the money out of the bank so they have money.

Next stop making excuses and blaming him, if he is that bad and controlling, you want out, but it is OK for the kids to live under him??

AK lawyer · Jul 24, 2011, 11:18 AM

Originally Posted by crismunari01

I have a very abusive fiancee. ...

Since you are asking about leaving, I assume you mean "ex-fiance".

Originally Posted by crismunari01

... I cannot possibly support the kids and pay rent. We have a house that we bought together. I love my children, and I don't want to leave them but he said that the girls can stay at the house which is very close to their schools. ...

If you were marred, you would sue for divorce. Since you are not, instead you would sue him for partition of the house and for child custody and support. If you get primary physical custody, you would be awarded child support and have two choices:

Ask to keep the house. In a partion sale, and assuming there is a mortgage, this normally would involve a refinance application by you.
Sell the house. If there is equity, you get part of it. Rent somewhere else, preferably also close to the same schools. Pay for the rent out of child support payments from him.

Alty · Jul 24, 2011, 11:27 AM

Just want to point out, the OP is not married to this man. He's the fiancée, so there's no divorce.

They have been together for 10 years, and have a child together. I don't know the laws on common law relationships in the States, or how long a couple has to be together to be considered common law, but it seems that this is what she's dealing with.

Also, have to ask. This man isn't good enough for you, treats you horribly, but you're willing to leave your children with him (one of which isn't his biological child)?

AK lawyer · Jul 24, 2011, 11:33 AM

Originally Posted by Altenweg

Just want to point out, the OP is not married to this man. He's the fiancee, so there's no divorce.

They have been together for 10 years, and have a child together. I don't know the laws on common law relationships in the States, or how long a couple has to be together to be considered common law, but it seems that this is what she's dealing with.
...

Yes, I forgot that they were unmarried. Thanks.

Married or not, the principles are more-or-less the same, just different terminology.

There is no "common law marriage" in Tennessee.

Alty · Jul 24, 2011, 11:36 AM

Silly question, and remember, I'm not in the states.

What if the house is only in his name? Since they're not married, can she still get a portion of the house, even if it belongs to him, and it's in his name only?

AK lawyer · Jul 24, 2011, 11:42 AM

Originally Posted by Altenweg

Silly question, and remember, I'm not in the states.
...

Not a problem. I had to look it up too.

Originally Posted by Altenweg

...
What if the house is only in his name? Since they're not married, can she still get a portion of the house, even if it belongs to him, and it's in his name only?

In that case there would be a difference between divorce and simply living together. But in this case I think she said they bought the house together.

crismunari01 · Jul 24, 2011, 03:24 PM

H. Is my daughter and she is not going to her father. I don't want separate the sisters. That's is the main reason why I am thinking about leaving them. I am from a culture that don't believe in families separated, and it is very difficult to me. I just want to do what is best for the children. By the way, he is good with the girls.

crismunari01 · Jul 24, 2011, 03:29 PM

I agree. I am just desperated. To tell you the truth I don't know what to do.

Fr_Chuck · Jul 24, 2011, 03:57 PM

It is not your choice, to separate the sisters or not, you are on the legal board and legally he has no rights what so ever to a step child. The bio father could merely call CPS and have the child taken away, and you for abandoning the child with a non family member.

And no, he is not good with the girls, if they are shown that abuse to the wife is OK, and that it is expected and accepted, they will grow with bad or wrong opinoins of marriage and relationships

crismunari01 · Jul 24, 2011, 04:29 PM

Thank you. I may just sell the house and pay the rent with the child support that my child is entitled. I will not separate the children. However, we are still living in the same household. I talked to the girls and they want to go with me anywhere I go. It would be more damage if I just let him keep the girls.

crismunari01 · Jul 24, 2011, 04:35 PM

Are you Catholic? What the Church would do in a situation like this?

Fr_Chuck · Jul 24, 2011, 06:29 PM

Hi crismunari01, this is the legal board, not a religious board, and as such, the answers have to address the legal issues , not moral, not religious and social.

My answers here, may at times go against my churches teachings, but I answer by the site guidelines, such as here in legal, I will give divorce advice, even if my church teaches against it.

I will address Church, as for as it relates to the legal answers.

1. you are not married, thus should not be living together.
And I remember Jesus talking to the women at the well, where she was not married to the man she was living with and others.
2. Children are the child of both parents, and both parents should have a part of a child's life, ( that includes the bio parent of the other child)
3. both fathers have a obligation to pay child support, and religiously, also support their children.

crismunari01 · Jul 24, 2011, 07:25 PM

I appreciate. I needed to have a little bit of reason inside my mind. You are right. I should not be living together in this kind of relationship. I thought that the marriage would eventually come. It never did because he never cared for me and or the girls. H. father abandoned her when she was a baby, and I was never able to find him. She is a good child and S. (my fiancee) is the father that she ever had. I will keep the house and the children. He is still living with us but this is just a matter of time. I know that he is having some kind of advise (legal or not) because he is the one putting the cards on the table. I am a university educated female. I can advised other people on what to do in difficult situations but I am clueless concerning my own future. I talked to my girls and they said that they would go with me no matter where I decided to go. The want and they need me. We lived as family and the lack of legal marriage was never a issue until now. Thanks for your advise.