[Alty]

As many of you know, we put our 16 year old dog Indy to sleep today. It was the hardest thing we've ever had to do.

I really have to thank our vet clinic. They were amazing. As soon as we walked in they took us to the room that's strictly for euthanasia. They got Indy a blanket so he could lay comfortably on the floor. Rod and I sat on the blanket with him, petting him, telling him how very much we love him, begging him to understand, crying.

They didn't rush us, told us they'd go at our pace. They took Indy out to put in the IV, then brought him back to the room. They had the sticky vet gauze on his leg to hold the IV in place. They'd cut out some red gauze in the shape of a heart to put on top. That little detail meant so much to me.

They let us have some time alone to say our goodbyes. When we were ready the vet came in, told us what would happen, and then gave the injection. Indy started to close his eyes, then he suddenly lifted his head up, as if he was going to sit up, licked my face, and then he died in my arms. He gave me that one last gift. I hope that was his way of saying that he understands.

It's over now. He's been cremated, and we're back home. His absence is a huge void. I miss hearing him pant, hearing him bark to let me know he needs help getting up. I miss his face, his eyes. I miss him. I can't stop crying.

Indy, I miss you. I love you. I will never forget you. We had you with us for 16 years, longer then most people get. I treasure each memory.

This hurts, but I would do it all again, because I had you in my life. You are worth every moment of pain I'm feeling now.

Wait for me on the other side. We will meet again.

Rest in Peace my sweet Indy.

Attachment 36825

My best friend closed his eyes last night,
As his head was in my hand.
The Doctors said he was in pain,
And it was hard for him to stand.

The thoughts that scurried through my head,
As I cradled him in my arms.
Were of his younger, puppy years,
And OH...his many charms.

Today, there was no gentle nudge
With an intense "I love you gaze",
Only a heart thats filled with tears
Remembering our joy filled days.

But an Angel just appeared to me,
And he said, "You should cry no more,
GOD also loves our canine friends,
HE's installed a 'doggy-door"!

[J_9]

I'm sorry for your loss, I know how hard it can be.

Your favorite spot is vacant now...
No eager barks to greet me.
No softly padded paws to run
Ecstatically to meet me.
No coaxing rubs, no plaintive cry
Will say it's time for feeding.
I've put away your bowl, and all
The things you won't be needing;
But I will miss you little friend,
For I could never measure
The happiness you brought me,
The comfort and the pleasure.
And since God put you here to share
In earthly joy and sorrow;
I'm sure there'll be a place for you
In Heaven's bright tomorrow...

[Alty]

ERROR: You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to J_9 again.

Thanks J. I know we did the right thing. Doesn't make it any easier, but he's at peace now.

The hard part is knowing that this morning he was still with us, I could still pet him, love him, care for him, and now he's gone, just like that.

Harder still is knowing that I''ll never ever see him again, I'll never pet him again, I'll never feel his warm tongue on my face again.

I really thought I could handle this, that I could be strong. Turns out I was wrong.

[J_9]

I can relate to your pain. Although LouLou left us unexpectedly, it still hurts nonetheless. You will get through it, day-by-day until finally you are laughing at the goofy things he used to do.

[Alty]

I can relate to your pain. Although LouLou left us unexpectedly, it still hurts nonetheless. You will get through it, day-by-day until finally you are laughing at the goofy things he used to do.

Thanks again J.

I know we've all been there. Everyone who's ever loved a dog has felt what I'm feeling now.

I also know that one day I'll be able to remember his puppy days, all the years of joy we had, and I'll be able to smile.

Right now all I can remember is his final seconds, the look in his eyes when he realized what was going on. His final good bye.

I also know it will get easier. It's just not easy right now. I hope it will be better tomorrow, and the next day, and the next. I just have to get through this moment, and this moment is pure hell.

Sorry. I'm not my usual self today. I'm so glad I have all of you to turn to, otherwise I'd probably go nuts. It does help to talk about it, even though the tears are non stop. How long can a person cry anyway? Isn't there a point when you run out of tears?

[J_9]

No, it's not easy right now. I'm sure it's going to take a few days before the numbness wears off.

As for the tears, well, they'll just stop. You know you did the right thing, but I know that doesn't make it any easier. I think sometimes it can actually make it harder on us.

[Alty]

I know J. Truth is, I would have much preferred to wake up this morning and found that he'd passed away during the night. Making the decision to end a life is not an easy thing to do, especially when it's someone you love.

The worst part is that little doubt in the back of my head that keeps saying "Does he know that we did it out of love?"

That thought tears me apart. I hope he knows how hard this was for us, that we did it to spare him the pain, because we love him so much.

[redhed35]

How's are the kids managing alty? Indy was around all of their lives, I hope you and yours know that it was the right thing to do, it was the responsibe thing to do and it was done with love.

Damn dogs,the worse thing about them is they just don't live long enough.

[albear]

Hugs Alty, Im sending you and your family my best wishes

I'm glad the vets were so understanding and made it a lot easier for you :)

Eventually your tears will stop being sad ones and start being happy ones as you remember all the good, funny times you and indy spent togeather :)

Hugs Alty

[odinn7]

Wow... this was so sad, I feel for you. I have been there too and your post brought a tear to my eye. Losing a pet is not easy no matter how you look at it. As you know, it will get better and easier for you to deal with, just try to stay strong.

Oh and... don't have doubts. I am sure he knows that you did it out of love. He licked your face and said goodbye... he knew you were helping him.

Take care

[Alty]

Thank you everyone.

Red, the kids are doing very well. They're more concerned for me at this point. They cried their tears, are talking about all the good times. They're rejoicing in his life. I'm not there yet, I'm still focusing on his death. The entire process is haunting me. Like I said, the vet was great, and they made the whole thing as easy as they could, but I can't get it out of my head. I keep seeing Indy laying there, alive one minute, and then just gone. It feels so unreal. It was by far the hardest thing I've ever had to do.

Last night I was in my room for a cry, and both of the kids came in, snuggled in with me, told me not to be sad. Of course that only made me cry harder.

A few years ago I bought a stuffed animal for Sydney. I got it because it reminded me of Indy. It's a little black lab stuffy. Well, Syd and Jared went off together to talk, and then came back with this stuffed animal. Syd had named it "Little Indy", when she first got it. Well, she decided to give "Little Indy", to me.

It was such a beautiful gesture. Jared's only concern was that it would make me feel worse. He didn't know how I'd react to it. But it was a great thing for them to do.

I slept with Little Indy last night. I know it may sound silly, a grown woman sleeping with a stuffed animal, but it did help me sleep.

When I woke up this morning Jasper was sleeping in Indy's dog bed. For just a second I thought it had all been a bad dream. Jasper is following me around, he's being very attentive. I know that both Jasper and Chewy know Indy's gone. They had a rough night too.

[Lyra123]

Altenweg,
I bet that Indy knew it was for the best, and told you that right before . I admire your strength in this. It takes courage and strength to make a decision like this. I wish there was some special button to press to make all the pain go away, but there isn't. So instead, There is all of us to support you and talk to you. I may be a newbie and you may not know me very well, but I am a good listener and I try to help when I can.

I hope you feel better soon

[Alty]

Thank you so much for your kind words. I've turned to this site and the wonderful people in it many times. You all have always been there for me. I can't thank everyone enough for that.

When we first made the decision to do this I really did think I could be strong, because I knew he was suffering. But it turns out I'm not nearly as strong as I thought I was. I'm falling apart.

I told my husband that I'm never doing this again. He asked what I planned to do about our two other dogs. I told him that they'd just have to go on their own when they're ready. I can't handle making this decision. It just feels so unnatural to me.

I know we did this out of love for Indy, and we did it to spare him the pain, but I'll never forget watching that wonderful dog, my first baby, die before my very eyes. It truly is haunting me. The pain would be a lot less if he had died in his sleep, then I'd have no doubts that he was ready to go.

The whole day was just surreal. I'm still hoping that I'll wake up and find out it was all a very bad dream.

[Just Looking]

Alty, I just now saw this thread. Sorry you are hurting so much, but it will get better. I know you did the right thing, but it will take time for you to accept that. You are one of the most wonderful people I know, always there for everyone else no matter what is happening in your life. I truly believe that Indy knew you were acting out of love. I'll keep you in my thoughts.

[Alty]

Alty, I just now saw this thread. Sorry you are hurting so much, but it will get better. I know you did the right thing, but it will take time for you to accept that. You are one of the most wonderful people I know, always there for everyone else no matter what is happening in your life. I truly believe that Indy knew you were acting out of love. I'll keep you in my thoughts.

Thank you so much JLo.

It's funny, I usually know what to say to other people that are going through this. The words I tell them come from my heart, and I mean every word. But, now that it's me, I'm having a very hard time taking my own advice.

I know we did the right thing, I know that in my heart, I just can't accept that Indy may not have known. I'm also having a very hard time with the whole euthanasia. One minute he was alive, licking my face, looking into my eyes, then he was gone. Just like that, a dog I loved for 16 years, and will always love, just gone. It's just so unreal, unnatural.

The house is too quiet. I keep expecting to hear him barking, telling me he wants to get up, go outside. I'll never hear that bark again, and it's killing me.

I know I'll heal. I just wish that the healing process would be a bit quicker.

Sydney and I are going to make a memorial picture to hang in the alcove where my parents ashes are, and where Indy's ashes will be. She's been working on a few things already. The kids are being so strong. I know they miss him too, but they're more concerned about how I feel. How did I raise such amazing little people?

Hopefully tomorrow will be easier. I'll never ever forget my Indy, but I hope that one day I can think of him and smile, even laugh. He gave us so much joy. We were truly blessed.

[Alty]

I have to share this picture.

It's Indy and me taking a nap when I was pregnant with Jared. That was around 13 years ago.

Attachment 36836

[Lyra123]

It would haunt me too and I would break down also. But I'm fairly certain I'm decently strong, and I know from what I've read that you are too. Don't let your tears make you feel weak. Each tear you cry is just another tear closer to the happier ones soon to come. Pain isn't that you are weak. It is weakness leaving the body, making you stronger. I believe in you that you will make it through.

It may be a terrible feeling to watch him die. There one moment gone the next, but think of it this way. He had to have died happy and peacefully. Surrounded by loved ones rather than alone.

[Alty]

Lyra, thank you so much. Your words are a great comfort.

I knew that I had to be with him until the end. There was no other option. I was there from the beginning with him, before he was even born. I watched him grow from a puppy into a dog, and then I watched him age.

I have so many happy memories of him, but right now I'm having a hard time thinking of anything other then yesterday. I know that in time yesterday will fade into the background and the memories of the 16 years we had with him will be the things I cling to.

My husband and I are taking the kids out to dinner tonight. We're going to have a toast to Indy, and try to have an hour or so away from the house and the quiet that's deafening. I'm not sure I'm up to it, but I do think we need to get out of the house, away from the place that's filled with too many memories right now.

[Lyra123]

That's a great idea on you and your husband's part. Go out and get those feel good endorphins flowing.

I'm glad to be of comfort to you. As you and many others already are being to me.

[Alty]

I have to share this picture and this memory.

This was around 2 1/2 years ago. We had just brought Chewy (our beagle) home.

Well, we have a crate. It was originally Indy's crate, and he staid in it during the evenings when he was with my mom and dad. He quickly outgrew it, and then started sleeping on a dog bed (when he wasn't sleeping with us).

We then got Jasper (our border collie), who also used the crate, and also outgrew it.

So, when we got Chewy, we once again set up the crate. Well, for some reason Indy decided that Chewy couldn't have it, so he found a way to get inside (don't know how, it wasn't nearly big enough for him. He couldn't even stand in it), and he promptly fell asleep. I managed to get a picture.

Attachment 36837