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softballchica02 · Jul 21, 2011, 11:01 AM

I made a new friend this summer playing softball. She is pretty cool and we get along great. A couple of nights ago she told me that she was a lesbian. I told her that I wouldn't judge her for it and it wouldn't ruin our friendship. She seemed all right with it and I was fine until last night when she told me that she seriously loves me.
I don't know what to say. I'm not like that but I don't want to hurt her feelings about it. She's been through a lot. I don't know how to handle this situation without ruining our friendship because I really like her, as a friend though.

Wondergirl · Jul 21, 2011, 11:06 AM

Tell her you love her as a friend, but that's the limit of your love. She will understand -- but then, how old is she?

softballchica02 · Jul 21, 2011, 11:07 AM

She's 16

Wondergirl · Jul 21, 2011, 11:09 AM

Be firm and don't flirt or give her any reason the think you are playing games. Just be her friend.

softballchica02 · Jul 21, 2011, 11:17 AM

Thanks. I'll try that

Wondergirl · Jul 21, 2011, 11:18 AM

Set good boundaries. Be firm and fair, but always be kind and pleasant.

softballchica02 · Jul 21, 2011, 11:20 AM

How can I set good boundaries?

Wondergirl · Jul 21, 2011, 11:46 AM

Good question! I just started reading a book called Boundaries by Psychologist Henry Cloud.

Use simple, direct language.

When setting boundaries, there is no need to defend, debate, or over-explain your feelings. Be firm, gracious and direct. When faced with resistance, repeat your statement or request.

Back up your boundary with action. Stay strong. If you give in, you invite people to ignore your needs

softballchica02 · Jul 21, 2011, 11:51 AM

All right, thanks!

Athos · Jul 21, 2011, 02:41 PM

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

Good question! I just started reading a book called Boundaries by Psychologist Henry Cloud.

Use simple, direct language.

When setting boundaries, there is no need to defend, debate, or over-explain your feelings. Be firm, gracious and direct. When faced with resistance, repeat your statement or request.

Back up your boundary with action. Stay strong. If you give in, you invite people to ignore your needs

Nicely done.

talaniman · Jul 22, 2011, 11:34 AM

You nailed it Wondergirl, and I can only add the right thing to do is not always the easiest, but it is the best way.