[16COgirl]

Hi
I'm 16 and have been suffering depression for a long time. I now will go in the medicine cabinet and just grab a bunch of pills and take them not even caring what they are, I don't do it to get high or anything because mostly it's just benedryl. I like the fact that they make me very tired so I just sleep my problems away, I even don't mind that they make me very sick because it takes my mind off. I have also started cutting not deep just scratches so I guess that's not that bad, and it's not like I'm emo or anything I'm fairly girly girl.
I now have a boyfriend who really cares about me and I've gotten so attached that I feel I only have him in my life this is because this past year my mom got very sick and now is very different to a point were I don't even know her and sometimes wish she had just died because it's too hard to see her. And my dad and I don't have the best relationship so I feel like if I didn't have my boyfriend I would just be lonely. I love him so much but he gets very mad to the point were I know I'm in an abusive relationship but it doesn't bother me cause I need him sometimes I feel like I want him to hurt me.
But the main reason I'm writing this is because when I was 6 I was sexually abused by a family member but only once so I feel like I should be over it because it's like he had sex with me just fingering and then I feel lame cause I'll be crying at night for something that I should be over it's just hard because my parents new and his parents new but did nothing... and now he's in a band and there pretty popular down south so I feel like it's not fair to me, I'll even look at his twitter and myspace which is totally being like a creeper but it's like I have to know what he's up to, not because I'm scared of him just because I don't know. It sucks knowing about someone but can't do anything about it.
Sorry about this being long. But I just don't know what to do about anything I feel so lost and lonely to the point were death would prob be better. My question is what would you do if you were in my situation? And I can't go to a therapist I've tried twice and the last time he never even mentioned my past just told me I had ADD and prescribed me aderal which I just used up till my parents stopped refilling my prescription.

[Wondergirl]

My question is what would you do if you were in my situation? And I can't go to a therapist Iv tried twice and the last time he never even mentioned my past

I would go to another therapist. If you aren't getting what you need from that person, you shout out, "This is NOT working for me!!!! Get your act together and help me please." That's what I've always told my clients to do if I wasn't helping them somehow. You are the paying consumer, and the ball is in your court.

Find another therapist and keep us informed as to what is happening. I care and want you to get well.

[joypulv]

Insurance these days doesn't cover enough therapy for emotional distress, so doctors throw pills down throats, which is bad enough but criminal when it comes to children. You need therapy, and group might be better as well as cheaper. A teen group if you can find one.
Craving for love turns into all kinds of cravings, often just attention of any kind, whether it's a mean boyfriend or uncaring parent or even the attention of someone who did something to you years ago.
It isn't easy to find love out in the wide world when you didn't get it as a child, or it was all mixed up with various kinds of abuse or neglect from people who meant well but had their own problems.
Try to stay away from the need for a man. Concentrate on friends, a best friend, friend for life instead. That person will outlast a whole string of boyfriends and husbands.