[x.k1ng.x]

Ok her it goes my mess up great life. I known my wife since I was 14 I am now 24 we been threw a lot we recently had twin in may 2011 the best thing in the world for me but her attitude and her dislike for everyone has driven me away from her it has been building up for such a long time in everyone eyes we are perfect but we are far from it some nights we don't even talk I met another girl at work and have been going out with her for about 8 months she gave me a smile and I been happy but that too came to and end recently how I'm sad that this girl left me and I'm just all lost I can't stand my wife but love my kids and I think a divorce is not and option. It would be easy to say oh just get a divorce but its much to complicated for that can someone just smake me and set me stright

[talaniman]

I can smack you into reality you selfish b@sta@rd! Your wife has just been through the trauma of having not one but TWO babies that you have made. Of course you both have to band together and help her (and you to be fair), HEAL from this life changing events. So stop being a selfish immature boy and recognize you need to step forward be a man and lead by example in the building of your life together.

Okay, you screwed up being selfish and only thinking of your own needs, instead of putting them aside, demanding NOTHING, and doing what you are supposed to do for your family.

I understand how hard that is and the feeling of being overwhelmed and tired, and the needs that come with it, but there is no excuse for bad behavior or an unwillingness to do the work it takes to build your home whether any one appreciates it or not, or whether you get your to fragile ego stroked or not.

Trust me guy, start doing the right things, and you will enjoy the fruit of your labors down the road and you will be glad and grateful for doing the best by your family.

I find it personally appalling, you would spiritually, emotionally, and physically abandon your female of 10 years in her greatest time of need, and were so unwilling to help her heal.

I mean she just dropped that load in MAY, and won't get herself back together until next FALL (November), and any man who calls themselves a man would get busy and pull the load until his woman is ready, no matter how long it takes.

Now get off your damned pity pot, stop ego tripping and get busy with the work you have to do, because there is a helluva lot to be done, so get busy and quit your bellyaching, youngster.

If divorce is not an option, then the alternative is hard work. Its your family, its your responsibility, so grow the freak up, and get busy. You are the worst guy in the world only if you want to be.

[answerme_tender]

Your 24yrs old its time to set an example for your children. Maybe your wife is tired ever thought of that. One baby is enough to wear you out let alone two.

Cheating on your wife is not the answer. Maybe the woman you were cheating with finally woke up and figured out that if you would cheat on a wife that you just weren't worth a long term commitment!!

Its time to either shut or get on the pot here. Be a man and get some professional help to save your marriage or get a divorce.

[QLP]

So, if I'm doing the maths right you started cheating on your wife whilst she was pregnant?

When exactly did you begin to feel your wife had a negative attitude?

If you love your kids so much how come you have the time and energy for another woman with twins who are only 2 or 3 months old? Heck hubby and I barely had the time and energy to eat properly when our kids were that age and we had them one at a time!

[Cat1864]

I have read your question several times and each time I am left feeling like you want sympathy and understanding for messing up several lives. I am sorry but I have no sympathy for someone who can't control himself and pulls another person into the mess he has made of his life. I do, however, believe in second chances IF the person is sincere.

You don't strike me as sincere, yet. If your playmate hadn't left, you would probably still be happily playing house with her and not even thinking about working on your problems at home. Even now, you are looking at it as a sacrifice for your children instead of a chance to make a better and happier life for all four of you. What you don't understand is that thinking in terms of giving up your happiness for your children can lead to being resentful of both them and your wife who you already seem to have contempt for.

I think you need to find a good marriage counselor and talk to your wife about getting help for your marriage. Part of that will be coming clean about your cheating and giving her the ability to make an informed decision on whether she wants to stay with you. You see, it isn't just your choice in the matter. She has a say too.

You don't say what problems you and your wife have overcome in the past and why she seems to have an attitude that is getting worse, but I am wondering if it has anything to do with insecurity about your ability to remain faithful. Is this the first time you have strayed? Are you already on your second chance?

[Fr_Chuck]

You are correct you are a very poor husband and a pitiful man. So I hope you are happy for your actions.
Sorry your wife being upset can be first from being pregnant and having twins, and obviously perhaps form your not being home to help and do things. ** since you have time to date someone else.

So you, stop dating or going out, and go home every day from work. ** or your wife may be the one to get the divorce and take a big chunk of your paycheck.

Next if you need it, you and your wife get marriage counseling.

[hheath541]

A divorce now, while the kids are too young to remember it, is better than waiting.

Your marriage is clearly over. You've already cheated, and will probably do so again. You don't love each other, or at least you don't love her. What others see and think of your relationship doesn't change the fact that your marriage has fallen apart.


If you refuse to get a divorce, then you are left with two options:

You can get couples therapy and try to salvage anything that may be left. It may work, if there is any mutual love and respect left to build upon, and both of you are willing to put in the work to change.

You can separate in all but name. Have different bedrooms, or even different houses. Stop pretending to have a relationship and instead live as roommates who happen to share children. Realize that your children WILL pick up on what's going on at a young age, and they WILL innocently mention/question it to the people around them.


Now, would you rather get a divorce (and possibly remain friends), go to therapy and try to fix your marriage, or admit it's dead in all but name (and have your kids unknowingly point it out to others)?

You need to decide what is best for everyone involved, ESPECIALLY your children. Having parents that love and support them, while treating each other with respect, is MUCH more important than having parents who are married. Having two loving homes, with a parent in each, is better than having one home where it's clear the parents no longer love, or even like, each other.