[JamesCeasar]

Caught between my son and a hard place. I'm a single father of 3 amazing kids, 2 girls (18 & 16) and 1 boy (12). They live with their mom (who is engaged and pregnant) I have a overall good relationship my ex , so much so that I sometimes stay over to spend more time with them because my place is too small and can't really afford anything bigger one right now. In the last few weeks, my son has been having a hard time with temper and attitude, more with his mom than any one else. He feels that she is disrespectful in the way she tells him to do things and that she displays unwarranted anger. His mother is hormonal due to the pregnancy and even before the pregnancy could be a little frustrating at times. Through talking with my daughters who see and hear more of the situation because they live in the same house every single day and me personally seeing some of the exchanges between him and his mom I've come to the conclusion that while his mom can be frustrating and have a short fuse herself, his behavior, refusing to do simple chores, answering back and withdrawing from the house hold because he feels picked on and disrespected, which is enabling this situation to continue and slowly get worse. I'm having trouble finding the balance of instilling discipline and having him recognize the detrimental behavior that he exhibits without alienating him or making him feel targeted or that I'm taking sides.

[redhed35]

Would it be possible for him to spend some one on one time with both of you?

He's just hitting those dodgy teenage years, he's not going to be the youngest anymore, and his own body his changing too, he probably has a lot going on in his own world too.

Some one on one time may get to the root of the real problem with him.

[Fr_Chuck]

And what is wrong with taking sides and you and mother taking a uniform front to demand and require specific behavior.

[Wondergirl]

He's 12. That's the teen version of the "terrible twos." He is at what psychology calls a separation and indivuation stage. He loves his family, but he longs to become his own person apart from them. And yes, this becomes even more complex because a lot is going on inside his body with hormones churning, there'll be a new sibling to be competition for his mother's love and who is basically going to displace him in the family, plus his parents are divorced and there's a "new" and third parent running (and ruining, he thinks) his life.

What to do? Definitely coordinate with his mom and even with her husband. The three of you need to be on the same page with chores, what behavior of his is not acceptable, and what punishments should be meted out for which infractions. Then have a meeting with him. Let him vent and really listen to him, but make clear what is expected of him.