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He hurt my feelings and I can't let go... help!
A year ago, my boyfriend allowed a girl to give him a hickey with him right in front of me. While she was still there he told me that it felt good. I was beyond jealous and mad at both of them. His initial reaction to me being upset was defensive: he said that she didn't mean anything by it, that she did that with every guy she knew, and that he didn't do anything. Afterwards when I continued to be mad, he apologized and said it would not happen again. He explained that the reason he didn't tell her anything was because he didn't want to make a scene. I wasn't happy with his explanation then, and even a year later I cannot forgive him. In my point of view, he ignored my feelings because he was getting attention from a girl, and since it happened once at the beginning of our r'ship it is possible it could happen again. He thinks I should trust him because nothing like that has happened since then, and that I should not hold on to past mistakes. I want to let go of it, but I just feel like I can't. Please give me your thoughts of the situation and what I should do now?
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Holding onto grudges is a useless exercise.Since it happened a year ago and hasn't happened since then, let go of your anger. How? By asking yourself, since you were there when it happened, you should have said something, like no hickeys on my boyfriend. A year is a long time to be mad, too long. |
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The conflict lies with you. You can forgive and forget or leave. It's as simple and difficult as that..
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I have no idea how you had the ability to sit and watch another girl do something like this to your boyfriend right in front of you and then continue to stay with him? Why would you torture yourself like that? He did not want to cause a scene? Lame excuse. At that time you set the tone of the relationship by saying to him that it was OK so do not be surprised if he does it again. The thing is, you accepted his apology and accepted that he would not do it again and you believe he has not so why are you bringing it up now. YOU chose to stay with a guy that you knew from the very beginning did something horrible to you. So, either forgive him and move on or leave. But, if it is going to be an ongoing issue, you brought that upon yourself.
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