[bewildered0208]

I'm a 23 year old woman and I feel like I have found my soul-mate in a 16 year old. He is respectful, courteous, kind, loving, and family oriented. We have plenty of common interests like Eastern culture, family, movies, music, games, morals, recreational sports... It was by chance that I met him, his father is on my softball team. This was a year ago.

When we first met there was a sort of gravitation pull towards one another and we started chit-chatting. We starting talking every week. It escalated to him finding me on Facebook where we occasionally talked. Then he asked for my number and I gave it to him. We spoke of life, love, abilities, fears, etc and we found we had more in common than just interests. We have supported each other through rough patches in our lives. None of what we spoke of has turned to sexual deeds. He looks older than 16 and I find myself attracted to him and I know that laws forbade me to do anything with him but I'm not looking for a sexual relationship. I'm looking for companionship and love at it's greatest depth and I feel like I have found it within him.

I know that some of you may feel that I am sick and I very well may be. My emotional life has been nothing but horrid. But he brings me out of my hole and opens my eyes to the good of the world. You may ask "What could I possibly see in a 16 year old?". It's true he can not provide for me and it's true that he is still in high school (and he is planning on finishing) and I encourage him to seek further education and reach his goals.

Last year, we ended our talking due to insecurities that I had about this. In that time he sent me a message out of the blue saying that he is in love with me and that a girl his age has asked him out. I told him to go for it because he needs to live his life and he did. This year, he is not with her anymore and is still in love with me. He claims he will pursue me until he can be with me emotionally. (seriously we do not speak of sex nor do we have any intention of having it right now).

His father knows that he talks to me and that he has a "crush" on me. His mother is an alcoholic who doesn't care about him.

We have spoken of the consequences I could incur if we were to "date" but what is wrong with going out to places together and hanging out?

Another catch is... I have two young children from a previous relationship (both of them have the same father, I am not a floozie) and he claims he loves being around them and if he could he would father them. I try to convince him that he is too young to be thinking about these things and too young to be pursuing me. He understands my concerns. He is extremely mature for his age (I'm not justifying this at all by saying that) and he feels he is ready for a committed relationship with me. I, of course, have refused plenty of times due to our age.

I guess my question, now that you have most of the background, is... what should I do about this? I've told him numerous times that I will not have a relationship with him until he is of age and he is okay with that. He says he will still love me no matter what.

During the time when we did not speak, I had other men who were interested in me and I went on a few dates but the entire time I felt so guilty like I was betraying him because I really do care about him.

Ok so I guess I have two questions. Would it be wrong to go places with him on "dates" as friends? Please do not crucify me for I have done it enough.

Thank you.

[Fr_Chuck]

Your real life adult relationships have failed, and opinion this is a combination, mothering of the child. And finding someone that you can have more control over because of your higher maturity level.

So how will it feel going to a Jr/Sr dance 24 or 25 and his friends wondering if you were his mother.

[bewildered0208]

Lol I couldn't possibly be his mother. I'd have to of had him at 7 years old. I have no urge to control him. I want him to live his own life first before he decides if I'm who he wants to be with.

[ironhide262]

I think you need to snap back into reality here and perhaps get a puppy.

You're toying around with a 16 yr old who hasn't the faintest idea of what he is getting himself into. He needs to develop, grow, explore, experiment- among his peers! Like all 16 yr olds he doesn't know what he really wants yet. So, leave him alone and let him find out! Despite what he says, he will move on and even if you do continue this "relationship" ( or whatever you want to call it) he will eventually outgrow you.

You need to let him live his life... period.You need to figure out why you ever entertained the idea of dating someone so young who, whatever he may say, is not near ready to give a 23 yr old woman with 2 kids what she needs.

[amicon]

I think you need to snap back into reality here and perhaps get a puppy.

You're toying around with a 16 yr old who hasn't the faintest idea of what he is getting himself into. He needs to develop, grow, explore, experiment- among his peers! Like all 16 yr olds he doesn't know what he really wants yet. So, leave him alone and let him find out! Despite what he says, he will move on and even if you do continue this "relationship" ( or whatever you want to call it) he will eventually outgrow you.

You need to let him live his life ....period.You need to figure out why you ever entertained the idea of dating someone so young who, whatever he may say, is not near ready to give a 23 yr old woman with 2 kids what she needs.

I agree 100%.

In addition,I would suggest therapy so that you can sort out your troubled past.

You owe that to your children and to yourself.

[bewildered0208]

I agree with both of you.. I suppose I entertain the idea because he's so persistent. I analyze myself on a daily basis and I find myself stepping in and out of this whatever it is.. I have told him numerous times he needs to grow up on his own and that I have no place in his life because of my age.

LOL about the puppy, I really don't like dogs. But all jokes aside... I feel like I should shut off all communication with him but I don't want to quit playing softball, nor do I want to switch my team because friends my age are on it. There were a few guys on my team that 'hit on me' but it was perverse and inappropriate. Maybe I just used him as my safe zone seeing as he is respectful of me. Although, being as persistent as he is, he may not be as respectful as I thought.

It's utterly confusing because I really care about him, he's a great person. I agree though, that a relationship with him is not something healthy for either of us and I have expressed that numerous times. This has been going on for an entire year now. Maybe he will grow out of it all yet I don't believe he will. Even if I cut off communication he'll still see me and he'll still try to talk to me (because I've cut it off once before last year).

Eh, it's just a stupid cycle I need to pull myself out of. Thank you for your help!

[amicon]

He's sixteen-he will grow out of it.

Yes,get busy with people your own age and make sure you have a good,and solid social life.

Good luck.

[talaniman]

Throw a rock at him, if you have to but under no circumstance do you give in to his persistence. Keep him away from your kids, and don't swallow the lines about love, and romance. Are you crazy? He will hurt you the selfish horny bastard. Young guys love older women, but it ain't LOVE!

[bewildered0208]

Lol that's exactly what I'm thinking. Rotten male species :(