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deltaduke55 · Jun 15, 2011, 01:03 PM

Okay, I'll try to make this as short as possible. I have worked in an office with three other women for almost a year. Two of them are good friends with each other and the other third woman was friends with the girl whose place I took. Apparently before I came, the two groups did not like each other. But, since I've been here, none of them are friendly to me at all. The three of them are all now 'buddy-buddy',and they totally leave me out. The two original women who were good friends bring in lunch for each other and exchange gifts on holidays, etc. The third woman, who used to not like that group, now laughs and jokes around with them and they, at least twice a day, gather together and have long talks. When I enter the room, they do not try to include me at all, so I do whatever I need to do and return to my desk. We do have a male boss who stays to himself. I have spoken with him a few times on the matter, but he doesn't really offer any guidance. So, now I'm not sure what else to do. The job is close to home and pays well, but I'm just not happy when I'm there because of being excluded. Any suggestions?

Fr_Chuck · Jun 15, 2011, 03:02 PM

You are paid to go to work and do your work, Being friends is not a job requirement. So there is nothing you can do.

Wondergirl · Jun 15, 2011, 03:22 PM

Originally Posted by deltaduke55

But, since I've been here, none of them are friendly to me at all.

Have you been friendly to them? How? What have you done?

When I enter the room, they do not try to include me at all

What do your body language and facial expression say? What do you say? Do you greet them?

So, now I'm not sure what else to do.

Offer to bring in something for lunch? It could be your treat for the first time (and say so), but start to accumulate menus from area restaurants and take-out places, so all four of you can plan occasional food runs or deliveries.

Bring in something homemade -- cookies or a coffeecake? At my workplace, once in a great while, I would bring in one of those party loaves -- bakery white bread sliced horizontally and each layer filled with ham salad and chicken salad and egg salad and an olive salad, then ice with a cream cheese frosting. (Party Sandwich Loaf Recipe from Betty Crocker) or I'd bake something as simple as chocolate chip cookies or make easy but awesome caramel brownies (Cooks.com - Recipe - German Chocolate Caramel Brownies).

Kill 'em with food.

deltaduke55 · Jun 16, 2011, 05:58 AM

I appreciate your comments. There was actually one bad experience I can recount. Once when I arrived at work, two of them who get there earlier, were talking. I went on to my desk and stayed there for about 20 minutes. I then walked back out to them and they both looked at me like I had the plaque - one of them returned to her desk and the other one started working on her computer again. I talked to her for a minute but, feeling the tension, returned to my desk. After that incident was when I spoke to my boss. He later told me he spoke with one of them, supposedly he was subtle about it, and she said they were talking about something personal and I just walked in and they felt like I was being pushy. Pushy, really? I don't think they should have been talking for at least 30 minutes on something that personal during office hours! Anyway, I also brought in some donuts one day, and no one ate one but me. I guess you can hear my frustration, but I am at the end of my rope.

Wondergirl · Jun 16, 2011, 08:24 AM

I guess you can hear my frustration, but I am at the end of my rope.

Would you be brave enough to ask one of them or even all at once? (make it "I" statements) -- "I love this job and what I'm learning and really want to feel like I am part of this office team. What can I do to make that happen?"