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Wondergirl · Jun 16, 2011, 11:30 AM

I meant to say I catigrize them.

You mean categorize -- you label people.

Do you want us to categorize you?

rebeccahstrean · Jun 16, 2011, 11:34 AM

We've been together for almost 1 year and a half. I'm deleting this account. I'm depressed now bye.

JudyKayTee · Jun 16, 2011, 11:36 AM

Originally Posted by rebeccahstrean

I want him to tell me ALL the time he loves me and cares about me and is in love with me ALL the TIME!
You people are right I should brake up with him. I love him with all my heart and this is going to ruin his kids life cause they love me. But I can't be with him emotionally or mentally if he's hurting me like this. I was happy but now that I knew he was hiding all this and we did this I'm not so happy. I'm terrible. I will take my dog and say good bye to him. He agrees with me not to have friends of the opposite sex also. cause he says its trouble to. But I will take your advice and leave. Thanks. Rebecca

He has kids and you're the (unpaid) babysitter?

Anyway, unless and until you get some help for your emotional problems you are going to jeopardize your next relationship and the one after that and the one after that.

Next you will have plastic surgery to change your appearance. Then you'll go on without any professional mental health advice and jeopardize the next relationship with your insecurities.

You are picking out the advice you WANT to follow and ignoring the rest.

rebeccahstrean · Jun 16, 2011, 11:37 AM

So if I go through thepary will I change? What do you mean I'm the unpaid babysitter?

JudyKayTee · Jun 16, 2011, 11:41 AM

I mean "you're watching the kids?" That someone who watches kids and isn't paid.

Will you change with therapy or anything else? Not unless you want to change. Otherwise it's a waste of your time and money.

As far as removing your account (or whatever)... you can't. Stop posting and it will die a natural death.

What is it that you want someone here to say to you? You keep bringing up variations of the same problem(s). You don't take advice and question everything.

You ask if it's you. "We" agree that, yes, it is. It's not "him."

For the record I find his opinion that opposite sex relationships are forbidden to be (likewise) very strange. You would both have to move into a cave.

At any rate - what is it that you would like to hear?

Wondergirl · Jun 16, 2011, 11:42 AM

Originally Posted by rebeccahstrean

So if I go through thepary will I change?

If you give therapy an honest chance to work and stick to it, yes, you will change. You will like yourself (you don't now) and will not have to beg anyone to love you. Men will be attracted to you because of your self-confidence and joy in life.

rebeccahstrean · Jun 16, 2011, 11:44 AM

I can't talk to him. He gets mad easily. I've tried that

Wondergirl · Jun 16, 2011, 11:47 AM

I can't talk to him. He gets mad easily. I've tried that

How do you talk to him? Do you tell him he should do things a certain way? Write down some things you say to him.

rebeccahstrean · Jun 16, 2011, 11:50 AM

OK so I will go through thepary. I have insurance. I want to change. I don't want to lose him. Thank you so much. I'm almost their step mom. I don't need to get paid. They call me mom. They're mom ran out on them cause of dope and cheated on their dad with all these guys and still doing it. I love those kids like if they are mine. So no I'm not just a baby sitter. I will go through thepary. I will make this work with him. I love him and the kids. Thanks so mcuh I'm sorry for the hastle. I wasn't understanding. I will write during my thepary and let you all know how's it going if you'd like me to thanks again:)

Originally Posted by Wondergirl
"I can't talk to him. He gets mad easily. I've tried that"

How do you talk to him? Do you tell him he should do things a certain way? Write down some things you say to him.

LIke baby I need to talk to you. See I think that you shouldn't be watching porn cause you'd go back to prison and I don't want you to for the kids sake and your moms sake. I tell him that once he's off DOC then he can do whatever. He says your just saying this cause I'm a SO. I say no I'm not I'm thinking about you and your kids. Your almost done with DOC don't mess it up. You only have 6 more months left. Then your done. And he just walks away and gets mad. 10 minutes later he acts like nothing happened. I like to talk it out when there is a problem. That's what I was tought in thepary. He just drops it then 10 minutes later its all good and problem is fixed.

Wondergirl · Jun 16, 2011, 12:01 PM

Originally Posted by rebeccahstrean

I will write during my thepary and let you all know hows it going if you'd like me to thx again:)

Yes, please keep us up to date on how it's going. I'm a therapist and want you to succeed (and keep your man and his kids).

rebeccahstrean · Jun 16, 2011, 12:04 PM

That means a lot to me. He's the best thing that has ever happened to me. That means a lot to me.

Wondergirl · Jun 16, 2011, 12:06 PM

baby I need to talk to you. See I think that you shouldn't be watching porn cause you'd go back to prison and I don't want you to for the kids sake and your moms sake. Your almost done with DOC don't mess it up. You only have 6 more months left. Then your done.

Notice all the "you"s? That's real close to being accusing and pushy.

And he just walks away and gets mad.

I would too. I would feel like my mother has been after me.

I like to talk it out when there is a problem.

But there was no talking it out with each other. Something else was going on. Tell me what was happening.

JudyKayTee · Jun 16, 2011, 12:14 PM

Raising my hand - I have a question.

I see this all the time on AMHD and it always confuses me - you are referring to what your religion allows and doesn't allow, what is appropriate from your reading of your Bible.

But you have no problem living, unmarried, with this man, an arrangement witnessed by his children, and having sex with him.

That's allowed by your religion?

Aurora_Bell · Jun 16, 2011, 05:07 PM

Maybe he thinks he loves me but I look like I'm 16 but I'm 21 maybe he's just physically attracted to me.

What exactly is your religion? I find it important to be psychically attracted to my partners too.

I ask him more than 1,000 times a day if he loves me and is in love with me

Wow, this guy has the patience of Jobe. I would be batty if I had to endure this every day. This guy deserves a bone!

he's tired of it and we fight

Yup sounds about right! I'd be fighting too. Sounds like there's a serious trust issue, and it's you who isn't trusting. He cheated on his ex? So what! It wasn't you.

I don't understand if you truly love someone then why would you have to do this?

Do what? Have urges? Want to try different things in the bed? Not getting fulfilled in the bedroom, so turning to a HEALTHY alternative? Watching porn does not make a cheating, sex fiend, devil of a husband.

Is he lusting after me or Loving me??

So let me get this straight, you are both concerned with him ONLY lusting after you, and NOT lusting (not thinking you are attractive etc.. ) you enough?

I am currently single, but have been in a few relationships where I have had to make compromises. |It's not all about one person's feelings and wants, that's what we call a controlling, one sided relationship. If you're not comfortable with porn or doing it doggy style, is there another compromise you can make? I'm a woman, and I enjoy emotional love making like any other woman, but I would be bored to TEARS if that's what it was all the time. Let alone if it was the ONLY sex I was getting once in a blue moon.

I have watched porn with my partners. I actually enjoy it sometimes. There are lots of different types of porn. It doesn't always have to be "dirty" and hardcore. You can start with some softer porn, look for a married couple erotic flick. If your comfortable, mimic some of the things they are doing. I understand you feel you are doing this for a religious reason, that's why I wonder what religion you are? It makes me wonder with your way of thinking why you have decided to have sex out of wed-lock then?

If you want to be with someone mentally, physically and spiritually you need to learn to relax and be comfortable with you first. If you don't think you are pretty enough, than who would? I know that sounds harsh,honestly that's not my objective. I think along with professional help, you need to have some serious soul searching yourself and ask yourself what you want and need out of a relationship, and start fresh with someone who is willing to give you that in the beginning.

rebeccahstrean · Jun 17, 2011, 08:27 AM

I'm a christian converting to a jovahas witness. He doesn't want to get married again. I want to but he doesn't.

To make this clear to everyone. I think I'm pretty. I just know that I don't look like these girls that he's watching. So that's why I'm saying I'm not pretty enough for him. They all have tiny tummies and big boobs and big bootys. I don't! So if he's attracted to that does that mean he's not attracted to me cause I don't look like them?

Originally Posted by JudyKayTee
Raising my hand - I have a question.

I see this all the time on AMHD and it always confuses me - you are referring to what your religion allows and doesn't allow, what is appropriate from your reading of your Bible.

But you have no problem living, unmarried, with this man, an arrangement witnessed by his children, and having sex with him.

That's allowed by your religion?

No but again I want to get married and if he wanted to then I would've waited till I was married. But he doesn't cause of his ex wife.

Wondergirl · Jun 17, 2011, 10:14 AM

Originally Posted by rebeccahstrean

So if he's attracted to that does that mean he's not attracted to me cause I don't look like them?

How many porn sites or magazines feature women who are old or fat or just ordinary looking like most of us women? Not many, right? Think about it. Tell me why not.

JudyKayTee · Jun 17, 2011, 10:28 AM

So your Christian beliefs about what is appropriate and what is not change depending on whether your "partner" wants to marry you?

And you have no problem with your conduct in the presence of/with the knowledge of his children? That "jives" with your Christian faith?

Seems you are picking and chosing what to believe.

Aurora_Bell · Jun 17, 2011, 12:07 PM

Had to spread the rep Judy, but right on the money.

Alty · Jun 17, 2011, 03:18 PM

Originally Posted by rebeccahstrean

To make this clear to everyone. I think I'm pretty. I just know that I don't look like these girls that he's watching. So that's why I'm saying I'm not pretty enough for him. They all have tiny tummies and big boobs and big bootys. I don't! So if he's attracted to that does that mean he's not attracted to me cause I don't look like them?

Again, porn has nothing to do with you, it has nothing to do with what he finds attractive. He he didn't find attractive you wouldn't be in a relationship.

Do you read romance novels? Do you watch chick flicks? If you do, it's the same as that. It doesn't mean that you want to be with the guy in the book or the movie. It's fantasy. It has nothing to do with reality.

no but again I want to get married and if he wanted to then I would've waited till I was married. But he doesn't cause of his ex wife.

I know many people that are JW's, and sex before marriage isn't permitted. So, why are you sinning if your religion means so much to you?

Aurora_Bell · Jun 17, 2011, 03:25 PM

Originally Posted by Altenweg

Again, porn has nothing to do with you, it has nothing to do with what he finds attractive. He he didn't find attractive you wouldn't be in a relationship.

Do you read romance novels? Do you watch chick flicks? If you do, it's the same as that. It doesn't mean that you want to be with the guy in the book or the movie. It's fantasy. It has nothing to do with reality.

ERROR: You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to Altenweg again.

Exactly! I don't know how much clearer anyone could make this! Excellent post.