[mollymag]

Hi. I've been dating my boyfriend for 2 1/2 years and I want to live together. Every time I mention it(which isn't often) he never really gives me an answer and just blows it off. I work night shift 3 nights a week and he works days 5 days a week. So we only see each other once during the week and then almost every Saturday. I want to see him more and he says the same, but won't live with me. Why?
Thanks, Marie

[RubyPitbull]

Mollymag, no one knows what another person is thinking, and no one here can hazard an accurate guess without knowing your boyfriend.

If it is really bothering you and you really want to know, you need to have a serious sit down with him and ask him why he doesn't want to live you. It is the only way to get your answer.

Sorry I can't be of more help.

[Skell]

If you want to take that step in your relationship then you should be able to sit down and tell him so.

You must be ready though for him to perhaps tell you he isn't ready for that and respect his decision.

Different people go at different paces in a relationship and just because you want it doesn't mean he does. There is nothing wrong with that though!

But until you sit down and clearly communicate with him then you won't know if he does or not!

[Kelly_Egan]

Here's a quote from Scrubs:
About a year ago, Jordan said she wanted to "crash for a while." Now my office is a nursery, my closet is my office, my clothes are in the entertainment center, and my TV is in the john, which I guess is kind of nice...I don't even know anymore.

Don't live with your boyfriend before marriage.
Why act like you're married if you're not even married to begin with?
If this relationship ends, it'll hurt a hell of a lot more and you have to go through so much more... like feeling dependent on him because you've spent 24/7 with him and now he's gone, having to move out, etc.

Don't rush this! You've got your whole life ahead of you. You've got the rest of your life to live with this guy. Wouldn't you want to enjoy the time that you have to yourself NOW while it lasts?

I have been friends with my boyfriend for over a year. And we have been together for almost another year. We both want to get married after college. We both also realize how big of a mistake it would be to move in together before we're married. It will complicate everything... just like sex does.

If you move in together before you're married, your boyfriend will ALWAYS have something in his head that says, "This is only temporary." Trust me... no matter what he tells you, he will STILL have that in his head.

[talaniman]

Maybe he wants more of a commitment and is unsure of yours. Whatever it is if you can't talk about it, then living together is a bad idea any way.

[chosen1]

Moving in is a huge thing... iwould really think it over... its like the married life and that is the next step... It could make or break your relationship... just warning u from my own experience and many friends... dont rush it!!

[Kiddybaby]

Obviously you are ready to venture into territory that he is not... and you should respect his choice. If it upsets you that much you will have to decide what your next move will be. I live with my boyfriend but he has a hard time expressing his feelings (that is my problem with us even though we are here together). Moving in does not guarantee anything and it can actually complicate things. When I wanted my boyfriend to move in with me I let him bring it up and pursue the issue... which he did within months. Allow him to make this choice when he is ready or you may be setting yourself up for a fall.

[s_cianci]

You're asking the wrong people. This is something you need to discuss with him. I can't speak for everyone but personally I don't believe in "shacking up." I wouldn't live with a woman unless I was married to her. The reason I feel that way is because I think that people who "live together" are copping out. They want to be together in a domestic sort of way but don't want to "take the plunge" and get married. As far as I'm concerned, if a woman doesn't want to be married to me, she doesn't have to live with me.

[momincali]

You want to live with someone who you only see once a week and almost every Saturday? I see my mailman more than that. I don't know about anyone else, but it sounds like he's avoiding the issue here and he might not be the only one who's not serious. I mean, you say you "mention it" but when I really want something big from my husband, I make sure I sit him down and we talk about it. It's not casual, I'm serious and I won't get up until we've talked about it thoroughly. If we both want it then it happens, if not, it doesn't, but he he doesn't walk away without giving me an answer nor would he disrespect me and blow it off. In other words, if you want something, you need to be serious about it and a little more assertive. I'm not saying to manipulate or force him to do something he doesn't want to, I'm saying you can't let him blow you off cause he's happy with the way things are now. When you tell him you want to strip naked and feed him in bed does he blow that off?? Probably not, because that is something he really wants.


Having said that, I will tell you that if you think living with him will make your relationship better, it won't. You're only giving yourself this false sense of commitment and statistically speaking, couples who shacked up typically failed in a long term relationship, including marriage. Remember, why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?? Respect yourself more than that and he will too.

[Wildcat21]

Communication is king.