[13ecca]

In January my mother suffered a cardiac arrest at home one night. Luckily both my dad and I were still awake so we rang 999 within minutes.
I was with her all of Saturday and normally she is one to mention if she has an ache or a pain but she never mentioned anything.
She went to bed at 10:45 on the Saturday night. She just got into bed, said good night to my dad, who was watching a DVD and turned on her right side to sleep. No more than 30 seconds later my dad heard a bizarre sound coming from my mum, he turned her over and her eyes were rolling in her head. He shouted for me as I was down stairs on the laptop and I called 999.
I can't thank the lady enough who was on the phone to me as she kept me so calm and helped me do CPR on my mum as we waited for an ambulance to arrive.
First a doctor came within 5 minutes and took over with the CPR. My mum started to vomit and the doctor had to use a suction to get everything out of her stomach but it turns out that some of the vomit moved onto her lungs.
At that point she still wasn't breathing and making this bizarre sound every 20 seconds. She had started to go purple at this point. The doctor was amazing and managed to clear the airway in time for when the paramedics arrived.
After 35 minutes, numerous compressions of CPR, oxygen and 3 electric shocks they managed to get a faint breathing pattern and quickly moved her to the hospital. We arrived about 11:40. We waited until 2:15 without much news just that she is very very ill and as of yet they had no idea what was going on. They asked us numerous times what had happened in the day and all about her history of breast cancer.
At 2:50 we arrived at a new hospital where she was taken to the ICU. We were been told that the next 24 hours were very crucial for her. We got home at 5:30am and went back at 10am the next day and then came back at 4pm.
She was heavily sedated and was still unconscious. She had to be "cooled" where they make the core temperature to 32 degrees to preserve the organs. She had to be "cooled" for 24 hours which took her to 3am in the morning. Then they have to let her slowly warm up and get back to normal temperature which takes. Then we had to wait for a response.
They could only warm her up by 0.3 every hour, so it was a very long day and nothing happened much that day, I think that was Monday about 3am - Tuesday early morning.
Tuesday morning at 9 they started to switch off the sedative bit by bit. Later on that day she started to get quite hot and had a temperature of 38.8. They put a cooling blanket on her and I believe it's somewhere around the high 37's now.
She was completely off the sedative, but because of how much she was given, we were told that it would be in her system for a few days and shouldn't expect her to suddenly wake up today.
They then gave her a drug, I think it was some kind of responsive test of something and apparently she opened her eyes, coughed and moved her hand.
We went to see the consultant and he said that although it is positive news we still have to remember that it is very early days, that she is a very ill lady and that everyone comes round in there own time so don't expect too much of her.
They scanned most of her main organs and everything was functioning well. They checked her heart and said that it looks fine and that all the arterys and veins surrounding are fine so were totally baffled as to what has caused it. They suggested a stroke.
She then started to breathe more for herself and took her off the ventilator and put her on another machine that just gives her a little "kick" when she needed help.
After a few days she started biting on her tubes and gagging quite a bit, so they decided they were going to do a tracheotomy. We went up to see her and she looked much more comfortable with the tube there. Then after an hour or so her eys started to open. They were very very sleepy at first, but it was progress.
She was able to focus on one spot. Other than her eyes there was nothing. She couldn't speak and couldn't move.
They then proceeded to do CT scans and ECG's which showed abnormal activity and that she has pockets of brain damage. They said that they were going to do more specific tests later on. They then moved her up to the neurological ward where she started to do involuntary movements. A MRI scan came back as normal. Then after a few more days we started to ger facial expressions which lead on to words. Things only started to get better from there onwards. Mum was able to have a full conversation and even started to stand up with assistance. She was then moved to the neurological rehabilitation unit where again she made so much progress having occupational therapy and physiotherapy. She even started walking.
My mum was released last week from the NRU and was able to come home pretty much back to normal. The only thing she suffers with is Dyspraxia.
My mum was a smoker and liked a glass of wine a night and due to medical reasons she has been advised not to carry on with either. She also has been advised to take further time off work and can't drive for a year because she had a few epileptic fits whilst in the coma.
The thing is now, my dad has gone back to work and works very long irregular shifts so I am left to look after my mum, cook, clean and take over general household duties. And although she can do most things by herself she still needs supervision with climbing stairs and cooking etc.
My mum has recently started staying in bed until late morning. She won't get up, she won't take her tablets she won't do anything. She doesn't talk to me throughout the day I just get shrugs and mumbles. She has reduced me to tears with some of the nasy things she has said to me and recently my parents have started arguing. My mum says we treat he like a child because we say well done when she does certain tasks and my dad says that she has no idea what this family has been through over the last 6 months.
She is a different person. She is selfish and she doesn't care for anyone else she just wants her own way and sulks if she doesn't get it.
To make things worse whilst my mum was in hospital we found out that she was majorly overdrawn and even had a huge credit card bill. Because my mum was off for so long she only gets SSP which doesn't even cover a quarter of the bills. So my dad is now paying the bills by himself, so he is stressed and angry all the time. I also got made redundant last week and am currently trying to find a job which is flexible for me to look after my mum.
I was meant to be going to university this September after a gap year but I don't think I can.
I just don't know what to do any more. I feel like I'm stuck between the devil and the deep blue sea. I cry every night and feel so unloved in the atmosphere at home. I just don't know where to go for help. We've seen a social worker but they weren't helpful. I can't cope.

[tickle]

Yes, it is difficult being a caregiver 24/7 and have done this for two elder parents in the last 25 years. This lead me to work as a Personal Support Worker.

You are in the UK, so that makes it easier for you to receive benefits in the way of homecare and I suggest you talk to your mom's doctor so he can start the process of your family receiving this. Once this happens, you will feel the weight lifted off your shoulders, surely you can understand why you can't cope, your mom is not the same person because of her illness which has taken a lot from her.

I know your dad has to work, but does he help you with relief from the caregiving duties?

Tick