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ashc52 · Jun 5, 2011, 03:44 PM

2 years ago I had an unusual relationship with a guy it truly was love at first sight and seemed like there was some sort of gravatational pull between us. We were never a couple officially but we spent everday day together told each other things we told no one else and would literally stay up all night talking.
He left to go overseas for his O.E I acted casual about it and wished him luck.We didn't have much contact for two months but then I started to call me weekly until he came home from his trip.
At this point he had a girlfriend it was so sudden but he had mentioned to me that he had met someone but it was still just casual dates.
We both made the decision to be friends and we really meant it, I few weeks later he invited me out with him for a drink his friends were their as well and it was great we joked around all night just like old times.

That night I slept on the couch in the same room as him, when I went to leave the next morning he stopped me and told me he couldn't stop thinking about me that he didn't know what to do and he felt that he had made a mistake, he didn't have the same connection with his current girlfriend as he had with me.
I was upset and left but I told him that he had to figure out what he wanted. A month went by and I confronted him, I was sure I loved him and that I always really had... he told me that he wished I had told him sooner because he had chosen the other woman over me.
We both cried and hugged and decided to cut out ties with each other, I have not contacted him since it has been 18months and I love him just the same I think about him constantly and dream of him at night I feel like I can't move on and that we are meant to be as much as I wish I could just remove him from my mind I can't and its killing me what should I do!!

talaniman · Jun 5, 2011, 05:12 PM

I have had a few of those "the ones that got away" where everything was perfect and you can never figure out why things didn't work out. They still haunt me after all this time, and we are talking decades.

But one thing I learned is that all those good, heart breaking memories can be replaced with new ones. You just have to apply yourself that much more with the things you can control with some positive people, places and things that make you happy.

Don't worry about the thoughts of regrets for past losses, the come and go. They don't hurt as bad, but they sting a bit, but it's a strange thing about being happy with what you have, and what you do, it takes the sting away pretty easily.

So make what you are doing now as happy as possible, and you don't have to be miserable about the ones that get away.

Jwr5885 · Jun 5, 2011, 09:53 PM

You should evaluate the situation and while you guys were dating he didn't want it to be official which is a little suspicious. Then when he comes home he has another girlfriend so that tells me that maybe whatever you thought you had he didn't see that's why he chose the other girl. I know that hurts to think about but that hurt is what is going to motivate you to move on from him. There's no sense in pining for someone that doesn't feel the same way. Try to remember the pain when he told you he wanted the other girl instead of you and say to yourself that you are and awesome person and it's his loss. Be good to yourself stay happy like the previous person said and remember whenever you miss him think about all the bad things he put you through and know you deserve better.

amicon · Jun 6, 2011, 01:53 AM

You make a conscious decision to start moving on-keeping busy and doing the things you like doing.

Remaining stuck in the past isn't a good place to be and you need to' unstuck' yourself -you can make a whole new life for yourself-start today.

ashc52 · Jun 6, 2011, 10:08 PM

Thanks so much for the responses, its all true and ill start working at really moving on. I'm not the type to pine over someone for long but there is always one person I guess. Thanks everyone who commented its good to actually get some feed back about something I have kept to myself for so long.

amicon · Jun 6, 2011, 10:58 PM

Good luck and take care of yourself.

antoinette18 · Jul 10, 2011, 07:53 PM

Im really sorry to hear about your dilemma and I understand how much you must be hurting right now but here is what I seriously think. Either this guy is a player or he truly doesn't care about u. First, you guys were friends, you talked about everything and he said he was casually dating, yet when he started to date her seriously, he didn't let you know. Ok, lets say he didn't have a chance to cause you guys lost contact, did he even tell you that at first when you met again? Let me guess, he did not!! Ok, so he did not tell you that, but he did say he had a connection with you that he didn't have with his girlfriend, does that mean he loves you more? Not exactly, remember you guys talked a lot and you shared everything, so you must have a connection but that doesn't mean true love, true friends? Yes, but not necessarily true love. And what's worst is that you guys went out and you were around him, you both slept in the same room, literally but he waited until you were leaving to admit his true feelings.Why? Prob because he like your company and would hate for you to go, or he probably just want to have you around, you know, just in case or he probably thought he would get lucky.
You said you got upset and you left and he waited a month! A whole month to confront you about his deep undying, true affections for u, like really, a month!! And then he says something like he wished you had told him sooner,REALLY?? I mean, he is the one going around dating, you were always there AND... if he felt so strongly about you, what does it matter when you told him, if he loved and wanted you like he said he did, it should just be a happy time for him, it shouldn't matter when you told him but that you did tell him and that should've changed everything. And darling, no man, none whatsoever who truly, deeply loves a woman would ever agree to cut all ties with her, are you crazy? He's going to want to be with u, even if its just casual friends, what,I love you enough to let you go? Please, he was happy to let go of this girl who clearly was obsessed with him, I'm not saying you were, but he could be thinking that.
I know your hurting but its been 18 months, you are the only one losing sleep over it, he hasn't contacted u. I know its hard but you really have to move on, its not worth it.I know your going to say you will never find anyone else like him but you will and love doesn't hurt that much, it's a wonderful feeling that makes people laugh and smile and blush, not cry and have sleepless nights for 18months, your in lust and you have a big crush on your friend. I mean, he never even called to see how you were doing? c'mon, you have to figure a way to get over him and get on with your life, date people, not for finding the perfect person but date to find friends, right now your vulnerable and so ull gravitate to anyone who has the slightest bit of qualities has he does, so, go out, meet people, men and women, try to establish your sense of pride, strength and develop your character, remould yourself and find quality in life and friends and just like magic, ull find love,believe me... im your friend >PERSONAL INFO REMOVED< Take care and ill pray for you my sister.