[brent.0987]

OK so here's a minor update

She just txted me the following

"heyy
let me know when you have a min
and thx for wishing me happy bday..by the way"

I'm pretty sure I shouldn't answer this, doesn't feel right
Although I know I don't feel as bad as I did with my break up of 5 years, the fact that I think about this **** almost all day and my hart got a little nervous when I saw the text tells me I'm not ready to have someone who I basically don't trust or believe anything she says anymore with good reason. Even though she was never my girlfriend and I still wouldn't go out with her, I think my hart is a little to involved right now and all indications point that NO MATTER WHAT SHE SAYS, how can I believe or trust it. I mean wouldn't it just change in 2 or 3 days anyway likes its been happening the lats 2 months. I talked to my friend and he said maybe you should just hear what she has to say but at the same time, at this point I don't think it really matters... how could I know wuts bull**** and what's for real and what won't change in 2 days after how she's been acting.

Although I don't feel the best right now, I was feeling worse when shed act shady wile I was talking to her... does suck because the sex was good and she was hot but doesn't seem like I could handle that or that its worth the feeling of ****.

Any words of advice lol
Would love to hear what you guys think I should and what you think of what I said

[brent.0987]

So I decided not to answer and have stuck with NC

I guess I'm officially going with NC then... here I am on day 9, first month is the worse :(
I have an exam in 2 days and its really hard to focus

Any words of advice:(?

[BMI]

Brent,

By the time you re-read this entire thread and calculate how much mental energy you've spent on speculation and contingencies, you'd have become a certified expert in whatever the field your exam is on!

There are so many deeper issues to this than you may even realize (the constant mention of how much harder it was with your ex girlfriend is quite telling).

Anyway, how long ago did you wish her a happy birthday? A week? If so, she texted you back an entire week AFTER you said it! Wow, shows how much of a priority you are at this point.

No more direction. If you say what you mean than it's simple. You just don't speak to her, done.

You don't need any more opinions on the subject.

[brent.0987]

I never wished her happy birthday, she wrote that out of sarcasm because I didn't wish her happy birthday. That's how she is, she's bugging me because I didn't.

Yes obviously it was much harder last time, I was with the girl for over 5 years last time, where this girl was never even my girlfriend and it has been only a couple of months where I've had feelings for her. I make the reference because I know I'm not feeling as bad but am still feeling terrible. No contact hurts, but its better than contact that's for sure.

And I haven't spoken to her. Everyone seems to think I've broken NC, not sure if you guys are reading the right thread. Last time I spoke to her, 10 days ago, I said we needed break. She txted and called me after I told her that ON THAT SAME DAY. I answered her call told her to try me in a couple of weeks if she still wanted to talk. She txted me again after that call ON THAT SAME DAY later that night saying she was thinking about me. I did not respond to that message. That all happened 10 days ago. Now 10 days later she txted me what I wrote in my previous post and I have decided to not respond as well. That's IT.

I'm just really hurting now though. This really sucks. I'm just asking you guys for some support and reassurance to keep me strong so that I don't contact her and ESPECIALLY don't respond back when she contacts.

There's a possibility she will call and text me within the next week saying she can't believe I've been ignoring her texts and all. That's going to hurt like crazy to ignore that.

Could really use some words of strength :(

Thanks for continuing to answer though, I really appreciate it.

Let me tell you, mornings are HARD, wow lol.

[talaniman]

No Comment

[brent.0987]

Haha that's a good way of putting it talaniman. Looks like I ended up listening to you after all ;).
And that's why I came here because I know my mind is not thinking straight now and needed the experience and outsiders opinion to help guide me. But I'm pretty happy I'm off to a good start, going on 10 days now, not giving in on the first shot.

[talaniman]

You need a better plan. One that doesn't depend on how many shots she takes. Heck, if you intend to give in at some point, what's the point in counting shots? What a waste.

[brent.0987]

Well my plan right now is to simply ignore everything, go NC until I'm over her and that's it.
I guess the only way id give in to contact is if she texts me stuff saying she absolutetly wants me etc.
What kind of plan?

Lol I meant what kind of plan should I have?

[talaniman]

One that includes a life without her, whether she begs you or bothers you or NOT.

Me, I would have disappeared, and been unavailable when she changed her mind.

But I have been dumped enough to know what to do for myself, and well being. Waiting on someone to change their mind, or come with what I want, is not in my make up. That's just me.

[amicon]

Your plan should be stick to no contact,heal from the confusion-whilst focusing on your life-your studies etc.

Time to change the record!

[brent.0987]

Thanks so much you guys,

I'm honestly feeling a little better today, one of my best days since no contact and its all because of the support you guys are giving and no tolerance on contact. Your being strong for me and its rubbing off on me.

Anytime the other person has some kind of doubt or takes a step back, 99% of the time that's a signal to start no contact if you want to be happy again.

Will keep you updated on how I'm feeling.

Any words of advice or past stories you want to share are always welcome. I learn so much from peoples experiences

[brent.0987]

Yea nights are hard... feeling like **** lol

[talaniman]

I sleep like a baby after a nice work out shower, and an aspirin.

[Ash123]

I don't think she's right for you. Let it go and be happy.

[brent.0987]

A lot easier said than done :(

But I'm hanging in there

[brent.0987]

I have a question for everyone.

By doing no contact, are we basically giving the impression that we are so hurt that we can't talk to them ? Are we basically admiting that we are def not over them and that we need to be away from them if not we will be in even more pain if we see and talk to them?

If instead we were ABLE to talk and see them as if there were any other person, would that not give the real impression that we are no longer "there" and that they don't have us anymore where by not contacting them we are basically still admiting they have us?

Keep in mind I said if we were ABLE to talk to them as if they were anyone else.

Want to heat what you guys think

[amicon]

We're all different and act and react in different ways-in different situations,so I don't think one could generalize.

I can only speak for myself-by the time my previous relationships have broken up,I have had no wish for any further contact, my attitude being-it's over, there is no need to seek out the ex-there's nothing left to discuss.

[talaniman]

Able to talk to them?? If you were able to talk to them you wouldn't be here now would you? You would know that it was over and wouldn't be seeing false hope, or plotting to get them back.

You wouldn't be worried if she came back or not, or if she contacts you or not, or what she thought about what you were doing.

No Contact is for you to heal enough to make good decisions for yourself, based on FACTS, and not just feelings.

In reality and life, it doesn't matter what your situation is, what matters is how you deal with it. So it doesn't matter to you about the impression you send, or how she sees it.

All that matters is you are doing the right thing for yourself, for your own dignity and self respect.

[mystific]

by doing no contact, are we basically giving the impression that we are so hurt that we can't talk to them ? Are we basically admiting that we are def not over them and that we need to be away from them if not we will be in even more pain if we see and talk to them?

What does it matter what anyone else thinks? It's your business. It's your time to heal and move on.

Let them dwell and linger.. they're the ones not healing and not dealing with it.

[Treetop413]

Hi there this is the only way I can find to contact you. I am trying to break your step by step guide to relasioship break up but I can't find it anywhere? X