[yesimbatman]

Hi,
So I met this girl at the mall while I was shopping a little over a month ago. We literally bumped into each other. We started talking and exchanged numbers. I'm 26 and she is 22. We talked on the phone and txted for a week. I then asked her out on a date and she said "I would really like that!"
I took her out to dinner. We had a nice time and when it was over I walked her to her car and gave her a hug goodbye.
She txt me the next day and said she had a great time and wants to see me soon. So we made plans for a few days later. She wanted to come over my place so I could cook for her. So, she came over and I cooked. Afterwards we watched a movie, cuddled a bit, and I gave her a massage. I walked her to her car again and went to give her a small kiss on the lips and she turned her cheek. It was a little weird cause I felt chemistry... And wanted to give her a short kiss goodbye. She txt me again the next day and said she had a great time! We made plans again and I picked her up and took her to the movies. When I dropped her back off she turned her cheek again while she was hugging me. So obviously I didn't try for a kiss. Is this a bad sign? I don't know if she likes me... or if she's just hanging out with me when she has nothing else to do... or she is just a really "good" girl. I mean I'm not pushing anything physical on her at all, but I do like her and it would be nice to kiss her... Any ideas?
Thanks

[talaniman]

Forget the kissing then, and if you are having fun on your dates, then keep dating. Why worry about all that other crap now since you are still strangers to each other.

Sure kissing a pretty girl is great, but if she ain't ready after 3 dates, then she just ain't ready. I would be looking for character clues instead of lip locks.

[samuelspeak]

I think maybe you should give some more time. Go out on a coupla more dates and get to know each other more. Things will get clear every time you meet her. The key is to take it as it comes and have fun.

[yesimbatman]

Thanks for both replies. I understand giving her time, but I guess I should have given more signs as to why I think she's using me... 1) Sometimes I'll txt her and she will go 2 days without txting back. 2) She will txt me randomly and say "I'm bored" 3) If she is with her girlfriend she won't txt me at all... It just seems that when she has someone else to occupy her time I don't even exist, but when she's bored she wants to hang out. Maybe I'm just over analyzing it... I don't know. It's just the feeling I get.

[talaniman]

There are more fish in the sea, much more, so you don't have to get stuck on bored ones, or be available for them. Up to you.

[I wish]

I think that you're at a point where you do or you don't. Instead of going for the kiss, why not let her know how you feel and see how she responds to that first. If she only sees you as a friend, then you don't need to go any further.

At this point, it's starting to look like you're in her friends zone.

[yesimbatman]

Ok, do you think its okay if I ask her straight out "Where do we stand" after the 5th date?

[BMI]

Why are you creating so many issues out of nothing!?

I mean, wow! Here you go on a date with a girl you really like and instead of focusing on the fact she actually wanted to see you again (multiple times) you are making silly claims purporting that she is using you!

What, exactly, would she be using you for?

Perhaps she is not ready to just jump head first into a relationship and she wants to get to know you better. Or maybe the 500 other things it could be.

It's amazing, when things seem to be going well, it's almost as if the benafactor is trying to sabotage their own happiness.

Look at your interpretation of her very appropriate behaviour:

-She waits two days before texting you - Are you married? Are you dating? No? Than good for her.
-She texts you saying she is bored - If a girl I liked texed me at all after 5 dates I'd jump out of my skin let alone get offended.
-She does not text when she is around her friends - Maybe cause she is around her friends? She's doing things with them and not bored.
-She only texts you when she is bored - GREAT time to text someone, no? Should she text you while she is out with friends? Skydiving? In church?

This is nonsense. I don't know if she likes you or not but go on like this and I got to pretty good hunch what may happen. You seem to be acting like she is your girlfriend, she's not. She has no agreement with you and technically you are friends so she can do what she wants.

You are coming across as very needy, friend. Very desperate to be with her. Her actions seem to follow the take it slow approach, the I don't need to speak with you all the time vibe. That makes polar opposites and I think the 'where do we stand' question is not the way to navigate this particular personality.

Ease up and just see where it leads. If she likes you, trust, you'll know by middle of June the latest! If she does not like you, probably even sooner. You can handle that timeline, right?

Oh, try to have this thing called fun.

[talaniman]

Ok, do you think its okay if I ask her straight out "Where do we stand" after the 5th date?

Have fun, take it slow, keep expectations low, keep your life balanced with other friends and activities you enjoy, and see how you feel at what develops after 6 months of casual, friendly dating. Explore other fish in the sea.

You are waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay to carried away!

[martinizing2]

A month of knowing her and a few dates does not a committed relationship make.

Right now you hardly even know each other , you don't seem to know where you stand so why should she?

To paraphrase the learned gentlemen who posted before me:

Dude , slow down.

[I wish]

Why would you turn the tables onto her?

I think that if you like her, then tell her how you feel and see how she responds. Asking her where she thinks you stand is like pushing her against the corner.

Bottom line, if you like her and you feel it's the right time to let her know, then tell her. Otherwise, just keep enjoying each other's company and get to know each other better. Let things develop and flow naturally.

[Hotbabe]

Maybe she's not ready,scared,wants to save herself for marriage you can't be "too " pushy with these things.. And if u really like her an know her ask her... Did u already?

[yesimbatman]

Well she totally ****ed me off today. We were suppose to go to the shooting range at 1pm.
She said she was really excited to see me... I txt her lastnight and she never responded, never called, or showed up. Should I just do NC now. This is the 2nd time she ditched me with no reason at all...

[talaniman]

Don't get mad, get gone! Disappear. Too much drama and BS don't you think?

Don't go back for more of the same, just go back to fishing,

After you have tried it, it didn't work, then you move on.maybe its her fault things ain't working now, but if you stay for more of the same it will be totally your fault.

Sort of like ignoring a stop sign, or a do not enter sign. Its never the signs fault that you didn't obey it, it always YOURS!!

[BMI]

It's over Batman.

Two brush-offs is more than enough justification to delete her number and get after something else.

To the Batmobile, friend!

[I wish]

If she really liked you, she would not have stood you up. She would have at least had the courtesy to let you know that she can't make it. You're not her priority. I think it's best to leave her alone and find someone else.

[yesimbatman]

Originally Posted by BMI
It's over Batman.

Two brush-offs is more than enough justification to delete her number and get after something else.

To the Batmobile, friend!

Haha right on Robin.

Cool, thanks for everyone's help. I really appreciate it. I deleted her number and I'm moving on.
This is a very great site!

[martinizing2]

Just a comment,

If people used the phone to call, not text, you may pick up some clues from her attitude and tone of voice. Phones are made to talk on, really.:eek:

This younger crowd seems to fear the human voice over a phone.
You miss a lot by not having actual conversations.:D