[SouthernBelle06]

I know that many of us have been through bad breakups lately and I thought it would help everyone, myself included, to have lots of readily available information, advice, stories, or tips on what things have helped people here to get over their exes all in one post. It could even be printed out and keep it for a quick reference in times when someone is feeling low and tempted to contact their ex.

If you feel that you have made progress in terms of getting over your ex, please post what things you feel have worked or helped you to get to that point.

Thanks everyone! I'm sure we will have some great advice here to help everyone . :)

[LBP]

Waiting... And writing.

[geminii]

DRESSING UP REAL NICE and going out with people who love me. Surround myself with positive people. And Learning to respect and love myself over again one day at a time.

[Nosnosna]

I've got a list of things that I do after any breakup, whether it's a painful one or amicable:

First, give up all alcohol. I enjoy my drinks, and probably drink a touch more than I should, but this helps avoid brooding or escapism.
Second, pack up all of the things that are specific to the relationship in a box and put it all away. I never actually get rid of that stuff, but I don't want it to be handy that soon after the breakup.
Third, I find something new to read... new author, new genre, just something different. If it's warm enough, read outside under a tree.
Fourth, I go out. Even if it's just taking a walk through town, I get out of my ordinary surroundings and get a bit of variety.
Fifth, I take any songs that were significant to the relationship out of my WinAmp playlist for the time being. They come back eventually, but for the time being, it's better not to have them come up at random.
Sixth, consider rearranging furniture, changing the color of the drapes, etc. Cheaper than moving, and I still get a significant change in atmosphere.
Seventh, if available, I drive a different car for a while... memories pile up anywhere you spend much time with somebody, and we all spend a lot of time in the car.

All of this boils down to bucking ones routine and doing something else... a significant part of the pain in any breakup is how much of our normal day had something to do with the person we were seeing.

[Geoffersonairplane]

I ditto nosnosna on a lot of the things quoted above..

Keeping busy is very important but also talking it through with friends and family and allowing yourself time to heal.. Don't set yourself any time limits for getting over it. Your heart will let you know where you are at.

Time is a big factor but it is absolutely essential to keep out of contact in every way with the ex.

Otherwise, time will work against you!

[wap]

Yeah, there are some great answers here.

I would say at the beginning I made sure I didn't drink, I got out the house a lot after work - by going to the gym/swimming. I would go there for hours LOL.

I would agree with Geoff about the no contact, I wish I had been a bit more strict with myself. The longest I managed was 3 months.

Plan spa days, holidays, nice baths with some music and bath foam : ) - read books, maybe funny ones : ) - listen to new music, stuff you didn't have before. Take up new hobbies, go for walks, look after animals. Go to the theatre, go to pubs/clubs.

[rattl3rdance]

I recently got dumped too, so I can really feel for you! At first I was sad and cried my eyes out. But then my friends took me to the mall for some retail therapy. That really helped me a lot. Just to go out with my friends and get my mind off all the bad stuff. Also, if you play a sport or even just going to the gym and working out, or maybe go for a swim. I love to run, and since I was so upset, I really pushed myself to do something better than usual. Do whatever it is that you truly love to do. But as a lot of people have already said, definitely stay away from alcohol and drugs. It will only hide the pain for a day or two maybe. GOOD LUCK!

[talaniman]

Changing the routine, and getting new people, places, and things in your life . Volunteering is the ultimate get out of me thing to do and works wonders for the ego, and you will meet an altogether different type of person.

[Geoffersonairplane]

Set yourself goals for 2007, things that you would like to achieve by the end of it. It does not have to be many things, it could just be one thing.

[shygrneyzs]

When I got the bill from the florist for a dozen red roses and no roses. The roses were for his girlfriend and he had the gall to tell the florist to send me the bill.

I agree with Nosnosna's post - do some creative and different things to get your energies flowing in a different direction. Focus on your positive and accentuate that.

Wishing you the very best!

[rol]

The first month or two (may-july)i spent in disbelief and alone , almost totally alone I would say apart from talking to a few people on the phone. I did not feel like seeing anyone at all as I was not in a very good state. I tried to do things join gym etc, but had absolutely no energy. In a way it was good that I got some false breakup hope as that kept me going.

After that period it got better when I started doing activities and going out, and meeting a lot of new people but I still had false hope as the ex was regulary calling and we were seeing each other. August had another downfall when we slept together and he got distant after.

In October and after finding this wonderful website,and doing NO CONTACT I made great progress.

Now 8 months later I feel almost 100 percent again, back to my happy self again and very busy. I still have times of thinking and wondering etc. but all in all I'm fine again.

So keep busy, run, laugh, read, listen to happy music, Play sports, do something artistic, make friends of the oppsite sex, go climb a mountain!. come here and vent and read other peoples stories, this also makes you see that you are not the only person on Earth who has heard the line "i need time"I need space"

[origins13]

Agree with all the great tips above!

Am now in the midst of recovering from a 'prolonged' bad break up. My ex boyfriend is seeing someone now but he still writes and calls me from time to time. (Can't be bothered to figure out what he's up to anymore).

These are few things that I have been doing and learned from others...

1. First, NO CONTACT! I know this is hard and I'm too not very disciplined at times (wap... I understand how you feel)... but boys & girls, this is an important step!

2. Look at myself in the mirror, SMILE and CONGRADULATE yourself that you are finally out of the sh*t hole (if it is a bad breakup) and you're no longer with the person who doesn't love you. I tell myself that I'll find love again (*fingers crossed)

3. Write in forums!

4. Write diaries. At times when I don't feel like talking to anyone, I would express out all my feelings in my diary.

Good luck everyone! Love you all!

[origins13]

Oh... one more, also an important one...

Make plans for the forthcoming months! I have already planned out activities to do in the coming four months. All non-work, fun activities of course! Am going to try something new and exciting! ;)

[wap]

Well done, great answers. Yeah, plan things, it helps. I was always one for planning things though, because the long work weeks can be become very tiring. I can feel myself hitting a slump again, but I have things to look forward to in the coming weeks. I just have to try and stay focused.

[SouthernBelle06]

These are all great answers! Hopefully a lot of people will be able to take some ideas from here and apply them to their own situations.

What has worked for me was always time, cutting off contact, getting busy, and adding new things and new people to my life. Retaining myself confidence through dressing my best, eating well and exercise helps too (especially if you have been dumped and had your ego bruised). When you feel like you have lost the most beautiful, intelligent, funny, kind, interesting person in the entire world, it is hard to imagine you will ever love anyone else though. That's kind of what I am struggling with when it comes to my latest ex. Disillusionment with them is a very important step I think.

Disillusionment of the idea that he was the only man in the world that I would ever care for got me over an 8 year previous relationship where I felt everything about him that I mentioned above. I was blinded to his bad qualities, but finally I saw them and I lost my respect and regard for him. There can be no love where there is no respect. Now I wouldn't take him back to this day if he begged me. Lol. I hope I can soon feel this way about my latest ex. :D

[valinors_sorrow]

What helped me?

Time.

And a better understanding of what happened that time and honest introspection brings.