[daones]

Well here is my story... keeping in mind this is not set in the western world I'm actually in SE asia and difference in cultures may be a bit different.

Ive had a girlfriend about two years now and we live together everyday, I work but she doesn't... to be honest she does not do much. She rarely cleans or do what someone who doesn't work should do to keep themselves busy. Some may think I'm only pointing out negatives but let me go through my issues. I also have been very helpful financially to her family I've given around 30,000 usd to her family over a 2 year period because after I was with her a few months I found out that her family had a lot of debt (its common for a foreigner to give money to families of the girlfriend in asia). Now my one concern is that maybe my current girlfriend is simply loving me just for all the financial help I've provided... she even said to me before in an argument what would she do if we break up? She said to herself she has no valuables (I mostly helped her family) and she has not much skills... would this mean that only money is on her mind?

The thing is that after two years while it seems like her family is seeing the light at the end of the tunnel so to speak about their problems I always feel like something new will arise where they will be asking for money. The reason I've been so helpful is because I do love my girlfriend but I feel like over time we just do not see eye to eye... she is a very sweet girl and romantic where I'm not the kind of guy who you would imagine on gossip girl or what have you. I feel like I have to tread on glass everyday for what I say or do or she will start an argument. I know that my girlfriend loves me very much I can feel this at times but I truly do not feel madly in love as I did when we were first together as she always manipulates my feelings in order to accommodate her own needs. Putting it simply she is very selfish.

Now what happened recently is my girlfriend went home so I decided to go out a bit and have some fun drinking because nearly two years I haven't gone out to enjoy myself alone. I did end up meeting one women who we have been talking to a few days and I really do like her... but I know in only a few days its simply lust but at this point having feelings for another women on top of current relationship issues with my girlfriend does not make deciding easy.

Question is what would you do in this situation?

[BMI]

Your background story does little to dispel my original thought that you are pointing these things out as a way to convince yourself you should entertain this other woman. The fact that you addressed this in your post does not make it irrelevant.

Perhaps ask yourself if there was no other girl, would you be on here complaining about your current girlfriend? Or ask yourself, prior to meeting the other girl, why are you still with this so-called deadbeat?

You list all her faults in the relationship and are very quick to validate them with your own suffering (you haven't been able to go out alone in two years and the time you do you pick-up a woman? Must be honing your skills in isolation then I guess, playa:))

Finally, you use the word selfish. View your side from her perspective (if she were to know what is going on thus far), then look up the definition of selfish, then re-read your thread, then either break-up with her or go out with the new girl.

The choice is yours; however, just don't try and justify wrong with contigencies and blame towards others.

[daones]

I completely understand your points, although it does sound like I'm making justifications I'm the type of person that gets very content in relationships no matter what the situation so I just don't like change. And yes you are right I would probably never even think of this matter if I met another girl for the reason that I do not like change.

Also a fact I did not mention is that in the past my girlfriend did cheat on me for a one night stand, I decided to stay with her despite that fact because she seemed truly sorry and said she wouldn't do it again. In this whole time I never did anything like that... this is actually the first time I've spoken with a girl that I haven't knew on this level.

[I wish]

Sounds to me like you've become their bank account. IF you wanted to help them out, then the money you give them should be more of a loan. But right now, they are completely dependent on your finances.

If you continue to stay with your current girlfriend, expect to continue to provide support for their family. You want to make the distinction between Asian and Western culture, well there you have it. Asian cultures expect to provide support to their family indefinitely. Even if they did get out of their debt, they will still turn to you for financial support.

If you can handle that lifestyle, then keep it up. But the financial support is being tied in how much she loves you, which is actually the bigger issue. Does she really love you? If you have so many doubts about her love for you, then it doesn't seem like she loves you all that much then.

You need to strongly reconsider this relationship, not only because you have become their personal bank account, but also whether she's actually in love with you.

[talaniman]

Tell her all good things must come to an end, and she has to go. If she hasn't gotten her ducks in a row to better herself, and be independent, that's her problem.

Yours is that you have allowed her to wallow as your girlfriend without being honest about your expectations for her, or your frustrations with her.

Be honest and make some changes, if that's truly what you want. Culture has little to do with it the way I see it. Nor do any excuses you may have, for not being honest.

[daones]

Well to get the first part of my story on how this happened please refer to my other question https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/dating/falling-love-other-girl-while-relationship-advice-578341.html.

Now in the first question linked above... I truly believe this women wasn't someone I wanted to be with all my life... if I could fall for another so easily surely she couldn't be.

(you will need to read the other question to understand most of the below)

So what happened was I simply told her the truth after she returned home... not bluntly right out but it was more and more over a period of a week until the last day I told her exactly how I felt and what was going on that I had been seeing another women. At first while I felt like crap it went okay besides she was very sad and shocked. She was mostly shocked because most of that is my fault for not being open about my feelings with her, I was scared to tell her the truth in the past because I didn't want to hurt her.

Now again looking to the future I return back to my home country next year so I would be leaving her but then returning with this fact in mind I think if we didn't break up it would only hurt her even more so if we stay longer and especially if she were to wait for me to come back after months.

So to cut to the chase I ended up breaking up with her and she moved and later on I was with the new women. Things were okay a few days besides the ex calling about 5 times a day talking about the same things and how I could do this to her. Eventually she came to my home and had unpleasant words with the new women and left. Then three days later she came again early in the morning very angry due to the ex seeing some things on a social network from my new girlfriend as the ex thought she was rubbing in the fact she had me.
On that night we initially talked outside of the home, but we then went into the house... she brought up that if my ex couldn't have me neither could this new women, she then said so what do you want? And I said I want to stay with her.

She then said okay if you want to stay with her then I would have to release some of the things we bought together then change the house I was staying at (rented) but the last part she said she would also release sensitive information about my work to clients which would cause damaging financial results... so basically blackmailing me. My other choice was to break it off with this new women and stay alone. I mean the whole situtation is completely irrational. I understand she is hurt but she cannot do this to someone.

So scared of the thought she was serious about releasing this info about my work, I kind of hinted at my current girlfriend what I was going to tell her was not serious it was only to buy me time. So I did tell her we were broken up... so three days pass and I already had the idea of changing my house to another location. So as of now I plan to move to a new house tomorrow then eventually the ex will find out... I will just have to wait and see how she will take it.

But the question is how else should I handle this? I just want to get on with my life but staying at this house here I feel uncomfortable as she has came here twice while I've been sleeping as she has the keys. Many people will think go to the authorities to claim she is blackmailing but for one I'm not in the USA and there is a lot of corruption here most likely ill just be losing money.

[tickle]

daones, if you want us to follow a thread, please post this with your other https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/dating...ce-578341.html. You already have significant replies to support en antire thread on this subject.

Tick


If you are not in the US, where are you? I would just call her bluff and suggest she try and blackmail you, but tell her she won't like the implications of those actions and could wind up in jail. You have really woven a deceitful situation here by not being honest with everyone so you have yourself in a pickle now.

How is it that she got to keep the keys to your house? I would have said upon breaking up, hand them over. She has you running scared and you should not allow this to happen. I suggest you find the guts to get the upper hand in this situation.

Tick

[talaniman]

You wouldn't have to worry had you been straight up or honest from the start. But having not been, and now afraid of paying the consequences of your actions, I think you let her do whatever she wants, and you start coming clean.

And yes, your threads have been merged, since its about the same thing.

[daones]

talaniman: for some reason I don't see my newer post with the update I only see this one?

[talaniman]

Your threads were merged, and the new one starts at post #6