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adviceishere · May 25, 2011, 03:26 AM

I thought it would return by my second trimester, but I'm now 21 weeks pregnant and still nothing. I can't stand my partner touching me. He is being very supportive but I know he feels rejected.

I have tried a few things like new undies etc but as soon as he's near me I'm turned off! I love him so much and this is frustrating me probably more than its frustrating him.

Sex just doesn't even cross my mind, not with him or not on my own, I have completely lost interest.

Has this happened to anyone before? I know its normal to have a low drive in early pregnancy and late pregnancy but has it happened to anyone al through their pregnancy?

DoulaLC · May 25, 2011, 03:41 AM

Everyone is very different in terms of how a pregnancy effects them. If often does change at different stages in the pregnancy, but there is no set time frame it will follow.

Maybe try not to focus on the sex, but more on just being connected. It could be rubbing the back of his neck while you watch TV or offering him a massage.

Would his touching you without it leading to sex be a comfort? What about a massage from him with no expectations of it leading to something more?

Find ways to remain physically and emotionally connected without the pressure of feeling it has to end in sex. Those feelings will return... :)

adviceishere · May 25, 2011, 03:46 AM

I hope so! I could recommend a massage to him etc but everything has to lead to sex with him! I could punch him and it would turn him on! Lol

But I'm going to try it! Maybe it will even help if I make a rule of us not having sex, you know that saying "you always want what you can't have". Hmm I think we're on to something Doula! Thanks :D

J_9 · May 25, 2011, 06:31 AM

I thought you broke up? Anyway, that's another day another thread.

As Doula said, every woman is different, every pregnancy is different. It may not be only hormonal, but psychological as well.

If everything with him leads to sex, I have to wonder if it's not a psychological thing with you. I wonder if you aren't connecting on a sensual level due to what appear to be his expectations of intercourse.

adviceishere · May 25, 2011, 06:38 AM

Hey J, yea I decided to give it another try about 3 weeks ago,mainly for the baby's sake and the fact I can't trust my own emotions at the moment due to hormones and few other issues, we're taking it slow, maybe you are right though. He has been a lot more attracted to me since I got pregnant so he is a lot more persistent but not to the point of harassing me. He is being very understanding but it has only been 3 weeks, maybe I'm having an emotional block with him on top of a low sex drive? Which is equalling to nothing.

J_9 · May 25, 2011, 06:46 AM

Ah... If I were a betting woman I would have to bet that maybe it's due to the break up and the reunification. A mental block and a fear of letting him fully back in to your mind, soul and body.

I'm not sure it's really a low sex drive though. More of a cautionary/maternal feeling you are having right now. Trust your instincts.

adviceishere · May 25, 2011, 06:53 AM

Thanks J! I'm not going to worry about it anymore, screw him, its his fault anyway :p he is being good about it though but I seem to be the only one of us worried about it and other than that I'm having an excellent pregnancy.

One more thing actually! Just today I have been trying to text message people and when I use my thumb on the touch screen it freezes up, it feels like there is no blood going to my hand and my thumb just straightens out and won't move for little amounts of time. Its very strange. My back has been very sore the past two days due to my pelvic bones rubbing, could it be a trapped nerve causing this?

J_9 · May 25, 2011, 07:10 AM

Carpal tunnel syndrome is very common in pregnant women. This may be what you are feeling when you are texting. If possible, try cutting the texting back.

As far as your back hurting, again, very common as the baby grows and lays on sacral joints and nerves. Warm baths can help along with Tylenol/Paracetamol every 4 hours if necessary.

adviceishere · May 25, 2011, 07:31 AM

Yes the nurse gave me a name for the "pelvic rubbing" I can't rememeber the actual name she gave. Thanks a million J :)

Lelani · Oct 14, 2012, 09:22 PM

I'm in the same boat 😕 my fiancé tries everything and I mean everything to help but a lot of the things he's doing now just makes me sick ! When before it had me on cloud 9. Try taking a hot shower and think about the things he used to do that turned you on. It's been working for me, he's usually playing a game and I come in the room and take the controller out of his hand and kiss his neck and all of that good stuff BAM it's back. I hope this helps you. And congrats :)