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jfo · May 23, 2011, 08:42 AM

Known this fella for about 17 months, dated casually 4 months, had made actual plans 2 weeks in advance for dinner etc, to which he cancelled day of and never rescheduled. He had told me one week prior to date, that he was emotionally not available, had fear of love.

Things kind of pulled back for both of us for a number of months after date cancelled. Later in the year, we had intermittent email contact, then he text me on xmas day. We made a plan to have a visit around xmas, I took the opportunity to ask why date cancelled, he said we were getting too close. Then I was again pissed off. He text saying he did want me in his life. But gave no further explanation. I told him that I had feelings for him, caught him off guard he said.

Casual conversation texting continued 2.5 months on regular basis, then stopped. Recently, I have passed him in public places randomly in the last couple weeks, we text, and have begun texting randomly again. He asked last week about getting together to meet, I just ignored. He is moving away in very near future. He asked last night out of left field, if I was seeing anyone. Kind of took me off guard, told him no, asked if he was asking because he's curious, he said yes. Can't seem to get any answers, hard to ask him, without being face to face, which is not always easy. Thoughts/comments welcome.

redhed35 · May 23, 2011, 09:10 AM

This guy is so hot and cold he could not commit to a chicken sandwich.

A casual texter if he's bored, he made himself clear is was not emotionally available or not looking for love, I would have asked him straight up so what are you looking for and what's your interest in me!

This guy could be interested one minute and distracted by a cartoon the next, if your looking for something more, I doubt this guy is it.

If your bothered by the casual texts tell him so, if it suits you to text, fair enough, but expect the hot and cold and take it with a pinch of salt, don't look into it any further.

roxypox · May 23, 2011, 10:20 AM

I think it might be a good idea for you to stop the texting with him all together. It seems that you like him, but as he have told you: he is emotionally unavailable. That should be the first clue. If you are confused by his behavior I'm not that surprised, because he seems to be "coming and going"

He seems to be playing some sort of game: he is emotionally unavailable BUT he wants to see if you're still there... that type of behavior is useless and you deserve better.

I think you should either continue to ignore him OR tell him flat out that you wish no further contact. His behavior is flimsy at best. If he is moving away in the near future than that might be for the better.

and I can understand that it is hard to tell when you only communicate by texting. Texts can easily be misunderstood and since you can't hear tone of voice or see facial expressions and body language its hard to figure things out. It seems to me that this has been going on way too long and even you seem to be growing tried of it.

as for WHY he asked if you are seeing anyone.. well who knows. He might be checking out of curiosity or to see if your still available... maybe you should just ask why he asked.. if he doesn't reply maybe its time to stop this once and for all?

talaniman · May 23, 2011, 02:36 PM

This is a guy you wave to, say hi, and keep on going. Not invest any time or emotions into. Maybe the attraction is curiosity of him, or boredom, because you sure ain't getting nothing back. Not even LUST!

He sounds like a really weird duck, and for whatever reason, isn't that into you.

jfo · May 23, 2011, 07:51 PM

I appreciate your feedback... thank you... :)

What really sucks is this guy has a psychology background. You'd think he'd know better than to play with people's emotions...

talaniman · May 23, 2011, 08:35 PM

He is weird, but you have to respect his honesty. He told you that he wasn't emotionally available, so its not like he was trying to deceive you, so bear some responsibility for the way things turned out. You could have walked away after his cancellation, or any other time you did not get the answers you needed from him. But that is what dating is about, getting to know someone well enough to see if it is worth the risks of something deeper, and it appears, he is not. No pain no gain, no investment, no loss.

I mean after 17 months he doesn't seem like a good friend even.

jfo · May 24, 2011, 04:02 AM

I was coming to that conclusion too about not even being much of a friend. Appreciative to hear it from a totally unbiased source, an outside perspective. People can be weird from different life experiences, creating behaviours/ boundaries/barriers with people they interact with.

talaniman · May 24, 2011, 08:13 AM

Many that you meet in life may be just casual acqaintances of varying degrees, and some you like a lot, but can only stand in small doses. Its all good as long as you are doing your own thing, and keep and open mind, even when the heart gets involved, but always listen to the brain.

I think we all get lost, and go up a few dead end streets sometimes. Its when you keep going down a street knowing it's a dead end is when insanity takes over. That's no fun at all.

I wish · May 26, 2011, 01:42 PM

The reason you're not getting straight answers from him is because he doesn't even know what he wants.

If I were you, I would put my foot down and tell him to only contact you when he figures out what he wants; otherwise, it's best to leave each other alone. Then back away and stop keeping in touch with him to avoid adding to the confusion.

But I wouldn't wait around too long for him, because he may never come around to you. You don't want to wait for something that may never happen.