[Rivqah]

So the story goes like this...

On Christmas Day my boyfriend Jon and I split up; we had been having issues for ages due to him leaving the country to go to Uni... I guess I couldn't handle the thought of him leaving. We had been together for almost 2 years and planning to get engaged, but I broke down on Christmas Day after he repeatedly asked me what was wrong. I lied and told him I didn't have feelings anymore (they were diminished somewhat, but I still felt for him), but I think it was actually because I didn't want to lose him.

For a few months it was fine; I enjoyed my new-found independence, and even though it was tough, I always managed to see the bright side of things. Then in mid-march I was driving by his place of work when I got a glimpse of him... and every since the it's like this giant cloud has been over me. I cry constantly about how cruel it was of my to leave him on Christmas and without warning, and about how weak I was that I couldn't deal with it. I've been contemplating suicide even, just to stop feeling like this. I thought it would pass with time, but it hasn't.

The last time I broke down about it with my family, everyone was shocked that I still felt so bad and told me I 'should be over him by now'. I've had previous boyfriends and break-ups, but never ever anything like this.

Sometimes I think that he wasn't always very understanding; he used to complain when I wouldn't let him hug or cuddle me (I had been molested at 4 and raped at 16), but in my heart of hearts I want him back, stupidly. I don't know what to do anymore.

Sorry this is so long... guess I couldn't stop :/

Rebecca xx

[Wondergirl]

Why are YOU crying? HE should be the one crying -- and is not.

It's time to move forward. Didn't you mention something in another thread about seeking counseling?

[ramona_]

Perhaps sit down and talk to him, go out for lunch and explain things. Tie up any loose ends and it may help get rid of the guilt of dumping him on Christmas Day. Sit and listen to each other but do not get back with him unless you feel you made a huge mistake.