[goodkarma_1]

I try to live my life to the fullest on my own and be happy with what I have however lately it seems like everyone is either engaged, having a baby or in a new relationship. Every time I hear the news I get depressed and its because I am still single and secretly ashamed of it even though I pretend that I am happy to be free blah blah blah. I get jealous honeslty because I work so hard to get where Im at today and I feel overlooked and its frustrating. I have been single for 3 years and I don't know if its what Im doing wrong or maybe its just not my time yet. Over the years I have worked very hard to overcome depression and tried to be whole heartily to live happily alone. After awhile all that fades and I am and left wondering if I will ever be loved or in love again. I just want to feel that again, I can't even remember how that comfort feels anymore. Its hard for me to meet men it seems and I don't know why... I don't know if its me or maybe their not interested. I'll be turning 32 this year and that's stresses me out as well. I want a family and I don't know if ill ever get to experience that. My parents don't pressure me but they drop hints here and there. I know they just want me to be happy. I just felt incredible sadness come over me today. I'm afraid I will never meet anyone let alone them truly loving me. I feel like I live every day stressed and in fear, do any of you feel this? I don't know how to deal anymore. Ive tried everything.

[paulpaul]

What did you actually want?
1. A lover
2. A Family
3. A good Husband

[paulpaul]

Decide and reply

[Wondergirl]

First, I want to tell you that you are a very talented writer. I hope you will do more of that in the future.

What are you doing to get yourself "out there"? Do you volunteer somewhere, do you attend a church, do you belong to a writers' group (I'll help you start one!) or a book discussion group (libraries often have one or both of these), do you chat with people when you re out and about doing errands?

[goodkarma_1]

4. All of the above! I know its possible, I see others have it. I just don't know if I will ever.

[goodkarma_1]

Wow thanks Wondergirl - Ive never thought of myself as a good writer in fact I think Im terrible. I struggle with putting my thoughts into words. So as far as putting myself out there, I try to as often as I can. I work so much so its not as often as I would like. Im not a part of a group to anything at the moment. I enjoy music so I attend lots of shows (not sure if that qualifies to meeting someone :) I've met guys that just seem to lose interest after a few months and I'm not sure if its me or they are just play boys and get bored. I am very independent, kind, hard working and an easy going kind of person. It frustrates me because I see my girlfriends treat their significant others like crap and get what they want all the time. Seems like good girls/guys really do finish last. I recently moved to a los angeles for work and in hopes to start a new life away from the sleepy town I was living in. Even around millions of people I still feel so alone.

[Wondergirl]

I challenge you to start a journal. Write in it first thing in the morning or just before bedtime (or whenever, but at the same time every day). Write down whatever comes to mind -- interesting people you met or saw, lovely or terrible sounds or smells, other sensory stuff, emotional stuff like frustrations, triumphs, etc. -- and if you get stuck, write down three good things that happened to you the previous day or that same day, depending on when you're writing.

Do this for a week, and then let me know how it's going with the writing and getting your thoughts on paper.

[goodkarma_1]

Interesting advice. I will do try this. Hey Wondergirl, do you know of any good self help/spiritual kind of books? I've been interested in the through process and mind/body energy stuff lately as well.. I would like to explore this subject as well. Any recommendations would be appreciated :)

[NeedKarma]

I felt I had to answer due to our similar names. :) Anyway, I only got married at 34 because I felt I wasn't ready earlier than that. Had my first kid 4 years later. Don't pressure yourself. Have some good hobbies, get out there and enjoy yourself. Too bad about the pressure your parents are giving you, they really should be concerned that you're happy, not that you've hooked up with anyone.

[Wondergirl]

Interesting advice. I will do try this. Hey Wondergirl, do you know of any good self help/spiritual kind of books? I've been interested in the through process and mind/body energy stuff lately as well..I would like to explore this subject as well. Any recommendations would be appreciated :)

I'd strongly suggest Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy (Revised and Updated) by David D. Burns.

Look at this list, especially the last one (and don't forget that your local public library has these books or can get them for you through interlibrary loan):

Amazon.com: The Top 10 Self-Help Books

Also, for the mind-body energy thing, I highly recommend Reiki therapy. Around here, a practitioner charges $100 per session, so maybe, if that's out of your ballpark, find a Reiki practitioner who will give you the names of some of his/her students, one of whom who might be willing to "practice" on you. I had connected with a student and was awed by her ability to work with my body and spirit so effectively.

Shiatsu is another way to achieve mind-body coordination through acupressure. Is there an experienced practitioner in your area?

Another possibility is to hire a life coach. I did so about fifteen years ago. We connected instantly over the phone when I was searching for one and calling a bunch of recommended names. Diane and I worked together by phone (our mutual decision) for three months with once-weekly sessions, after each was homework that had to be completed by the next week's call. That was in 1994, so now, with more sophisticated computers and other electronic devices, it should be even easier to work with a life coach! After those three months ended, I, who had been thrashing around with hopes of getting a writing career started apart from my library career, was able to write and publish four books for supplementary use in elementary schools' mandated history curricula in Texas and Illinois.

There are lots of great possibilities out there. Ask questions if we can help you with specifics and to get started.

[goodkarma_1]

Hey needkarma, by all means I welcome your advice.I would be fine with marrying at 34 however I just feel it would happen by then. If I could foresee the future then I wouldn't stress. Im really scared and worried about this. My parents are wonderful and they don't necessarily pressure me, they do want to see me happy and taken care of for once in my life. They know Im independent and have always worked for myself. I am an only child so Im sure they would like to extend our family that's all.

[goodkarma_1]

Wondergirl, all good advice! I never thought of a life coach. Im going to look into that most defiantly. Sometimes I can feel so good and everything is just fine around me and then boom - I get depressed and think, stress for weeks. I know I should be happy alone and I have been for the past year for the most part, but after awhile that fades. Today is day one of the journal you suggested.

[goodkarma_1]

Wondergirl -
I took your advice and wrote down how I felt each day for a week. I read each day and found that I sound pretty depressed and it scared me. Some days are better - actually those are the "numb" days and some days have been plain hard to deal with. If it weren't for work I would have zero motivation to do anything. I desperatly want to get out of this state of mind because that's all it is - a state of mind but Im having such a hard time. I feel like I don't have anything to offer life and life doesn't have anything to offer me. If it weren't for the love from my parents I wouldn't have anything to live for.

[Wondergirl]

Hey! You've got us to live for.

Is there an animal shelter or a hospital or a library in your area that you'd be willing to volunteer at for at least a couple of hours a week?

Now, in your journal, switch to writing only positive stuff from the day, e.g. five positive things that you saw, heard, smelled, ate, experienced in some way.

[Alty]

In today's world it seems that most single people have a hard time meeting people in the traditional way. Maybe it's because of computers, texting, online dating sites.

Having said that, I thankfully don't have to date in today's world. I don't know if I could. When in Rome, do as the Romans. Have you considered a dating site? I know that I'd be scared to try it, but I know many people that have met someone special via these sites. Of course you have to be careful, but it's a thought. Sadly I really can't recommend a specific one, but I know a few other members that will hopefully chime in that will have more exact advice on this subject. :)

How about friends? Do they have any nice single guy friends for you to meet?

The main thing is to get out there. You won't meet anyone if you stay at home every night, work, sleep, eat and do nothing else.

Find something you love doing, painting, pottery, poetry, writing, and find a group or class for that. You'll meet people interested in the same things you're interested in, and that's a great start.

Above all, don't be discouraged. You're still young. Don't settle. Get yourself out there, make it an adventure, not a mission to find a mate. Be yourself, and just have fun. Enjoy being able to date, play the field. Your prince will come along, I know it. In fact, he's likely to come along when you least expect it. :)

[goodkarma_1]

Thanks. I know, I try to be optimistic, its just hard when you try and do all things in a positive way but still left feeling alone and confused. Ugh sorry, Im being a negative Nelly :| I would love to volunteer at an animal shelter however work is so demanding and stressful (I work minimum 50 hrs a week) that the time I have alone is so important for me to gather myself. I have ordered some of those books you suggested. I will now focus on jotting down positive things in the journal.

[Wondergirl]

What is your work?

[goodkarma_1]

I am a production coordinator for a film company. I recently moved to a bigger city for a job offer and in hopes to fall into a new life - build a new social life and experience new things. After a few months however, it's the opposite - I feel more alone than ever. Im trying so hard to shape my life for the better yet I feel so small, so lost.

[Wondergirl]

I feel more alone than ever. Im trying so hard to shape my life for the better yet I feel so small, so lost.

Lessee. How can you move forward? Let's take some baby steps first. Is there a public library near you?

[goodkarma_1]

Yes, there is a library I have access to. I am looking into a life coach as well. Maybe that will help.