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Rockstar714 · May 12, 2011, 10:16 AM

My boyfriend and his baby's mom are in a legal battle of the child. She's 3, speaks very well and is very smart.

The mother doesn't work, hasn't ever had a job and lives with her father and step mother 7 hrs away from us. (Both parties are in WA state.). He is not working right now, but has a place to live, etc. A parenting plan hasn't been put into place as of yet because they are awaiting paternity tests, but he is listed as the father on the birth certificate, and the paternity was only brought up because she requested supervised visits in her house only.

The judge deemed that supervised visits were not necessary because he had a role in the child's life for the first 2 years and has had her over night, doesn't drink/do drugs etc. The last court date it was brought up that when she comes to this side of the mountains to see friends/family she doesn't let him see his daughter or even tell him that she'll be here. She's called his mom and sister so they could see his daughter but told them not to tell him.

His daughter's birthday was in January. He called for days before and after her birthday to speak to her. Every time he called she was out, or asleep, and they never called him back. He's been trying to call since then and all the numbers have been changed. There is a court date set for 5/31 for contempt of court since neither parent has completed the DNA testing yet. My boyfriend lost his paperwork and has been trying since to get new paperwork, so he hasn't been able to complete it due to that, but he'd at least like to speak to his daughter since he hasn't been able to see her in over a year.

So here is my question: The court needs him to complete a form that she isn't letting him contact his child, but they wouldn't tell him which form it was. So which form is it, and what can he do to now and in the future to be able to at least speak to his daughter?

joypulv · May 12, 2011, 10:37 AM

He seems to be overlooking something: he needs to not lose paperwork and if he does, he needs to get to work getting another one, and he needs to work harder at finding out what forms he needs.
If no one will tell him what forms he needs, they are possibly hinting that he should hire a lawyer.

The story is secondary to procedure. Judges are on an assembly line day in and day out, and need order. Paternity test first - get it NOW before that contempt hearing. BEFORE his concerns about hiding the child from visits. The contempt hearing might take all of 2 minutes and isn't going to wander into other subjects.

Rockstar714 · May 12, 2011, 03:58 PM

He lost the paperwork because it went to his sister's house and she has 16 dogs and they ate it. Not his fault. He's not working, hasn't for months and the paternity test is almost $1000. He doesn't have it, he's been living with me not paying rent and I just started working after 2 years of searching for employment, so I don't have the money either. I would like him to get a lawyer, but I can't afford to pay for it.

ScottGem · May 12, 2011, 04:36 PM

The dog ate it? Did you witness this or just taking his word for it? And he was that careless with paperwork that important? I have to wonder how much of these attempts to talk to his daughter you witnessed or he has told you about?

joypulv · May 12, 2011, 11:27 PM

Does he realize the costs of supporting a child, whether he's ordered to pay the mother or splits custody and costs?
I'm not familiar with the cost of DNA testing across the country, but I could have sworn that someone I know paid hundreds less not too long ago.
You are telling about his woes but all this will cost money. Unfair as it is to all the children, when the absent parent doesn't chip in, the parent footing all the bills gets resentful. 'It's not my fault the dogs ate the forms but I can't afford the test anyway and I'm about to be in contempt but I just want to talk to my daughter even though I don't pay a dime in support' is not going to get him anywhere.
This isn't lack of sympathy for a father who isn't a drug dealing criminal woman abuser. Once you start losing a job and other things, it can spiral down. But he has to face reality.

Rockstar714 · May 13, 2011, 07:39 AM

I know he has to face reality, and I'm trying to help as much as he can. I feel horrible for the child, and if he had a job he'd be paying child support. He paid child support when he was working, and now he gets no unemployment or everything. And yes, Scott, I witnessed the aftermath of the paperwork when we went to go get it. It wasn't him being careless, it was his sister (there is a feud between them, its another story).