[confusedguy123]

I will attempt to give a bit of a back story here.

This girl I met online back in 2006. We were always pretty good "friends", but just that. I knew after talking to her extensively that there was something there. I had my chance to go see her when I was in her area (I live on the other side of the country), but we both backed out.

After that, she got close to another guy, who we knew mutually (online). My jealousy got the best of me because of it, however I never really tried to court her like he did. I ended up being a jerk a few times and we stopped talking for a long time (a few months, at least).

Long story short, she has met this guy several times and they are actually getting married in the summer.
Her and I became friends once more, and since about November we have become "close". She always spoke of how she loves her fiancé, but over time she seemed to fall towards me. He had visited her last summer and hasn't been back yet, though he will be soon. I believe she felt lonely and I was providing her companionship, if only just online as he has been busy with work.

Our conversations eventually became sexually charged. We agreed that this all needed to end before he moved there to live with her. I know she lives with the guilt of what she is doing but she seems to not be able to break away.

A few weeks ago, I was in her area again. We ended up meeting up, and I hate to say it but sex was involved. We became even closer with this, and me having to leave was very hard on both of us.

We are coming around the time where we have to break things off. I feel terrible because I felt I coerced her into being with me when she is marrying another man. I can tell that in her heart, she loves him and wants to be with him (as much as it hurts me).
I live so far away and will probably never see her again. We hope to maintain a friendship but drop anything sexual completely.

She at the moment is dealing with a lot of guilt. She wants to tell him about everything just to come clean because he is an understanding person. I don't want her to because I feel it will ruin her life, especially if he drops her. He really means the world to her, I can tell. I'm hoping that once he is there, she will basically "forget" about it, and just consider it a one night mistake.

Is there anything I could do to remedy this situation, or at least help her through it? I know it sounds complicated and makes me out as a terrible person, but I really do want to see her happy with him.

[mmresd]

I think you have done more than enough. You knew she was getting married and still proceeded to pursue her sexually. Now guilt seems to be chasing after you! Well, if there is anything you can do is never talk to her again. Allow her to be happy with her future husband and leave her alone completely and forever.

Good Luck,
Javi

[DoulaLC]

If you want her to be happy, leave her alone. She can consider your meeting as a final fling of sorts. You knew better, as mmresd said. She was seriously involved with someone else, and you never should have allowed things to get to where they did. She is at fault for this as well. What's done is done, however.

Now let her know you wish her well, but that you feel it is best if you no longer communicate. Then do just that... no more contact... nothing. No e-mail, text, phone calls... not even if she attempts to contact you first.

If you really care about her, don't put her in a position to feel any more guilt than she already does.

[Alty]

It takes two to tango, and you are both guilty for what happened. I agree that you should just leave her alone.

If she still plans to marry this man then it's up to her how honest she'll be with him. It doesn't seem that her future marriage is looking too bright. After all, she had no problem cheating. She only felt guilt after the fact.

Still, what's done is done. You two cannot be together in any shape or form, not even friends. It's best to go to no contact and let her live her life.

[Sumitkumar7266]

We are human and we are emotional and sometimes we do the mistake.You both did the mistake and she is feeling guilty about this all.If someone don't want to be with you then leave her alone.. Leave her with her Fiancé.. NO contact with her is the solution of all those.. Think from your brain and take a mature decision.. After sometime you will be out of this.. Enjoy yourself and don't make her come again in your life..

[talaniman]

Leave her alone and let her decide what she does with her life, as she is the one that has to choose whether she tells her guy about what she has done and pay whatever price comes of it.

You both screwed up, that's why you leave her alone, and deal with your own guilt.

[HistorianChick]

This is the paragraph that really irks me:

We are coming around the time where we have to break things off. I feel terrible because I felt I coerced her into being with me when she is marrying another man. I can tell that in her heart, she loves him and wants to be with him (as much as it hurts me).
I live so far away and will probably never see her again. We hope to maintain a friendship but drop anything sexual completely.

"Coming around the time we have to break things off??" If its wrong, if you know that it's wrong, WHY continue to an end date? Doesn't the fact that you know it is wrong dictate that you should stop right now? You know it's not right, why are you doing it?

"I felt I coerced her into being with me"... No. Dude, you can't coerce someone into continually being with you like she has. She chose to cheat on her fiancé. You were there to help her cheat.

"I hope to maintain a friendship"... that's crazy. You can't maintain a friendship with someone that you have willfully cheated with and continually cheat with. It was physical when you went to see her. It's physical in your "conversations." Do you really think you can maintain a friendship with this woman after she is married?

... if she gets married! In my opinion, she's not ready to commit her life to this man for the rest of her life. The two of you seriously need to back up and look at the situation.

Best thing? Don't contact her. Don't continue cheating with her. Leave her alone.