[alrb05]

I have been married for 22 years. I have three kids and three jobs (one full time job and 2 part time). My stress level is through the roof and my family (mostly my husband) seem to make it worse. I look horrible at a size 14/16 and am embarrassed to look like this. I make a conscious effort to try to eat healthy but the belly fat does not seem to ever go away. I feel all used up and am becoming increasingly depressed. My marriage has become a platonic friendship and myself confidence is at an all time low. I don't know how to fix any of this and need an objective opinion please.

[JudyKayTee]

You have to take care of you before you take care of anything/anybody else. Three kids and three jobs? I'd be stressed out, too.

I can't exactly tell what your situation is - do you work and your husband does not? Is that part of the problem in your marriage?

Can you talk to your husband? Presumably after 22 years and 3 kids you can, but I know that is not always the case.

It's not just healthy eating. It's also a healty lifestyle. I know with your schedule you probably have no or very little time for yourself. Also, high calorie, quickly prepared or fast food might be the only option because of your jobs.

Could you enlist your children to prepare healthy meals? Is there a possibility you could carve out some time for yourself to walk, exercise? Nothing fancy, just a peaceful walk, maybe with a child or two?

Again, your schedule sounds crushing.

[alrb05]

Thank you for your answer. My husband does work, however I took on more than one job when he was looking for work and have yet to be able to cut back as life keeps throwing me curve balls. As with a lot of men, talking to my husband usually results in an argument since he feels 'neglected' with me working so much and has no financial sense whatsoever so the finances are my responsibility. I do not eat fast food, on the contrary I have a difficult time consuming enough calories in a day to keep my metabolism happy and I prefer salads, fruits, granola bars... etc. My schedule is crazy and I need to find time for myself, however I am finding it extremely difficult to accomplish that feat.

[sadmom9]

I'm a size 16 and have gained a great deal of weight over the years. I also don't like my body, but even though I'm a size 16, I need to feel good about myself. I make sure I'm neatly dressed and put together. My makeup is on and my hair is done. This makes me feel good. At one point, I handled all the bills and my husband had no clue of how much was being paid. Get him involved and make him pay the bills. Depending on your kids ages, make them help around the house. You need to drop one of your jobs. You will just keep running yourself down. You won't be able to keep it up much longer. You do need time for yourself and if your marriage is worth saving, then do what you can. He can't help you if he has no clue of what's going on. Communication is key. We just celebrated our 24th wedding anniversary...

[joypulv]

Oh, the husband who feels neglected, while you do a lot of all those parenting and household little things that he probably doesn't even know exist. I have to agree about dropping one or even two jobs for your own sake. Since you don't eat a poor diet, why worry about your size at the moment? Concentrate on that time you set aside, write it on the fridge if you have to, to be left alone to read a book or walk or garden or see a girlfriend.

I've decided (from what I've heard, studies and anecdotes) that men who feel neglected after 22 years aren't talking about sex. They mean mothering (self explanatory) and admiration. Turns out they really want to be the hunter bringing home the saber tooth tiger, with a woman there to praise him for being such a good provider. Feeling that he's at least on a par with you at your respective jobs might help.

He needs to tell you you look good, even if not a Twiggy, and you need to tell him he's good at what he does. It's a bit of a game. It's OK to sit him down and turn it into an exercise and it can even be funny, but effective overall.